


Clinging On, Letting Go, Finding Happiness

by K8Jax83



Series: Finding The Piece I Didn't Know Was Missing [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bullying, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Lust to love, M/M, Mild reference to abuse, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Unrequited Love, holiday romance, ignorance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 66,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K8Jax83/pseuds/K8Jax83
Summary: Callum thought he had everything he could ever hope for from life. Finally getting everything he’d ever wanted as a child. That is until everything starts to fall apart and he’s about to lose it all. He decides he needs to take a break, make some changes in order to figure out what he really wants out of life. Is it really worth settling for what he has or is there more out there? A trip away, to find sun, sea and fun leads him to find something unexpected. A chance meeting leads him to find something he never knew he was looking for.Something that will change his life forever.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Finding The Piece I Didn't Know Was Missing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030827
Comments: 269
Kudos: 181





	1. Clinging On

**Author's Note:**

> After all the lovely feedback on my first attempt at writing, I decided to give it another go. I’m very nervous about posting again, as I still not sure how good it will be. This story is very different to my last. It’s an idea I’ve had for a story for a long time but I have adapted it so that Ben and Callum are the main characters and changed events to suit the story with them in it. The first two chapters are explaining Callum’s background and how things lead to him getting where he does. Ben will appear later in the story, so I hope you can bear with it until we get to that point. I’m hoping to post twice a week, depending on how much time I have to finish it and edit what I’ve done. 
> 
> I have proof read but may have missed the odd mistake. I apologise if I have. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, feel free to let me know what you think :-)

Callum was content with his life. He finally thought he had all he’d ever wanted or at least the best he could realistically hope for. No it wasn’t perfect and there were some dreams that he knew would never be realised but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy with what he had. He had a job, security and he was finally part of a family. All of which he was truly grateful for. 

Growing up he never felt like this, safe, loved, like he belonged somewhere. His mum left him when he was five and as much as he resented the fact she abandoned him, he understood why she needed to escape Jonno. Callum lived in fear of that man for most of young his life, nothing he did was ever good enough. The constant name calling, beatings and neglect had been enough to crush his self-esteem, make him feel worthless and unlovable. He always asked himself if the two people who were supposed to love you and protect you most in the world couldn’t how could anybody else? That thought stayed with him most of his lonely childhood nights where he’d cry himself to sleep feeling so incredibly alone. 

Of course he did have snippets of love in the form of Stuart and his Grandad. Stuart tried to take care of Callum and protect him where he could, but it was clear he didn’t always know how. He suffered with the mental scars from the abuse he suffered and as much as he tried he couldn’t always be there or didn’t know how to love. His Grandad always showed kindness and affection. He was Callum’s hero and one major source of light in the darkness of his childhood. However it wasn’t easy to spend time with him, but the little time he did get, was when he felt most safe and loved. When he died Callum felt like all the light has gone from his world and he was destined to spend his days in the darkness that overwhelmed him.

That was until he met Lee Carter. He’ll never forget the day Lee crashed into his world. Callum was thirteen and just about the take another beating from the school bully Steven, when this boy he’d never seen before ran over. 

“Get off him!” he yelled as he grabbed the bully and pinned him against the wall.

“Who the hell are you?” Steven shouted “This ain’t none of your business!”

“Well I’m making it my business and if I see you hassling him or anyone else in future, then you’ll know me as your worst nightmare!” The mysterious boy snarled at him.

Callum looked at the two boys and Steven gave him a confused glance. In all honesty, Callum was just as bewildered and shocked as he was. He had no idea who this mystery boy was or why he chose to defend him. Of course he was grateful but no one had ever stood up for him before. It made him feel uneasy in a way. He was perplexed as to why a stranger would care so much about his welfare.

“Whatever!” Steven huffed as he pushed the boy off and stormed away.

“You okay?” The boy asked as he turned towards Callum. Callum took one look at him and his heart began to race. The boy was handsome and had a beautiful smile. Callum was slightly taken aback by the thoughts that crossed his mind when he looked at him. He was almost dazzled by him and couldn’t help but stare. “Mate! You alright?” His daze was broken when the boy spoke again.

“Yeah! Sorry I was just…em…thanks,” he managed to mumble out. 

“It’s alright, can’t stand bullies. Why me and my family moved here people picking on me kid brother and sister. Sorry I’m Lee by the way,” he held out a hand to pull Callum up. “Only started here today.”

“Callum,” he replied as he took his hand he felt sparks travel up his arm, making his spine tingle. He had no idea what it was but it terrified him. He thought about all the things his dad said about him not being a fairy and how he would kill him if he turned about to be one of those queers. Lee dropped his hand and he was quickly snapped out of his train of thought. As he regained his composure, he started to convince himself that the feeling was just a reaction to having someone stand up for him. That moment and that day was both one of the best and terrifying of his life. He finally made a friend, one who showed him what family could be. On the other hand, it was the day that feelings stirred in him that at that point he would rather he never had or stayed buried.

After that Lee and him became inseparable. It turned out they had a lot of the same classes so they ended up spending lots of time together. Lee took Callum under his wing and the bullies began to leave him alone. He also introduced Callum to his family and the Carters soon became like the family he never had. Mick and Linda, Lee’s parents treated him as one of their own, fed him, loved him and supported him through some difficult times. Lee’s siblings Nancy and Johnny also became fond of Callum, they were such a tight unit and Callum almost felt like part of it. However he knew he was an outsider really, although he was never made to feel that way, he wasn’t officially one of them. Yet, as the years went by he was happy that he finally had somewhere which felt like home and that he belonged, so the doubts he felt were eased. 

One thing that scared him though, was the growing feelings he had for Lee. As much as he tried to bury them and convince himself the love he felt was friendship or like a brother, he couldn’t ignore how Lee made him feel. The more he was around him, the more affection he felt towards him. Every time Lee smiled at him his heart fluttered, when he touched him he felt that same spark he had the first time their hands connected. On the occasions he hugged him, he melted and his body felt like jelly. As they grew older he also began to find Lee’s body physically attractive. Whenever they changed in the same room, he always noticed Lee’s toned muscular physique and it always sent Callum’s pulse soaring. He lost count of the times he’d sneak looks at Lee sleeping or exercising, thinking how handsome he was. Hating himself for it, he knew it was so wrong to feel this way about another boy. His Dad’s vitriolic words ringing in his head on a constant loop. 

Lee was always quite popular with the girls. He had a few girlfriends over the years and Callum always hung out with them and ended up keeping one of their girlfriends company, while Lee and the girl were busy. He thought he liked the odd one, but when it came down to it, he couldn’t go further than kissing. Whenever he did kiss any of them, he felt empty, no excitement, no passion. He began to worry he was like his Dad always thought he would be, not a proper man. Constantly questioning himself as to how he could he be, when kissing and touching a girl left him feeling nothing but one look at his best mate without a shirt, sent him into melt down. He hoped eventually he would meet a girl that set his heart alight like Lee did but it never happened. 

By the time he was eighteen, Callum was living with the Carters. It came about after another beating from his dad. He can’t even remember what he’d done to wind him up, not that he needed much of a reason. He’d ran to the Carters looking for refuge and they couldn’t bear to see him suffer at the hands of that vile human being anymore. Mick took him to get his things and told Jonno in no uncertain terms if he came anywhere near Callum again he’d end him. It was then he realised what his Dad thought didn’t matter. He was incapable of loving Callum no matter how hard he tried to get him to. He also realised that he had found a family that would love him and care for him no matter what. DNA meant nothing, he had found a family, one that cared more for him than he could ever hope for. He had found a safe place and for the first time in his life didn’t feel completely alone. 

Although it seemed most of his problems were resolved, one thing that still terrified him was how he felt about Lee. He still hadn’t met a girl who made him feel the way Lee did. He began to wonder if he ever would meet anyone who could come close. Lee was constantly looking at girls on a night out, but Callum was just not interested. He often thought girls were pretty, but he never looked at them and felt any fire or excitement. However, he realised he quite frequently would find himself glancing at a man in a nice pair of jeans, which accentuated their backside. The butterflies in his stomach on these occasions hinted to him that it probably wasn’t just Lee that could stir arousal in him. He began to suspect he was attracted to men. The thought petrified him still, but he began to realise that as much as he fought it, he couldn’t actually change how he felt.

It all came to a head after one boozy night out. Him and Lee had been out drinking, dancing and had such a good time. Towards the end of the night Callum spotted two blokes dancing together, it looked a little more intimate than what him and Lee had been doing. They were grinding against each other and their hands stroked each other’s chest and backside in a highly provocative way. He was mesmerised watching them and when thy began to kiss he felt arousal shoot through him; heart racing, stomach churning and a definite stirring in his groin. Lee noticed how he reacted to it and something clicked, things finally fell into place for him too. It would explain so much about Callum, he could also sense Callum’s fear and he recognised that he needed to help his friend come to terms with who he was. Fortunately it was also a rare night that Lee hadn’t pulled so they actually went home together. Sitting on Lee’s bed at the end of the night, Lee brought up the topic.

“Are you into girls Callum?” he questioned cautiously.

“What d’ya mean?” Callum nervous replied.

“You never even look at a girl, even when a fit one walks right by you, you don’t bat an eyelid. Then tonight I saw how you were looking at those blokes…and I saw something in you I’d never seen before.” Lee paused before uttering softly, “You know you can tell me anything right?”

Callum felt his whole body flush with heat and his cheeks glowed bright pink. His walls were down due to the alcohol so he decided to be honest, knowing he couldn’t ignore it for much longer. “To be honest I don’t know mate.” He sighed. “When I’m with a girl I never feel much at all, no excitement or nothin. I mean it’s not like I’ve got far with a girl. I’ve kissed a few but it doesn’t get me going like it should. I’ve never wanted to take it any further afterwards. I just thought it might be because I’ve never met the right girl…. But now…well I’m not so sure.” 

“What about lads? How do you feel round them?” Lee continued to probe gently.

“Dunno...I…just dunno.” he stumbled over his words he wasn’t sure could be honest but then again he trusted Lee more than he trusted anyone. “Recently I have been noticin guys a little more, but it’s just looking from afar. I’ve never kissed a guy to compare have I?...But I know tonight when I saw those two blokes I felt excited. Most people would feel awkward or uncomfortable but it just seemed…I don’t know ….kinda natural,” he was struggling to voice the thoughts that were whirling in his mind.

“Kiss me!” Leo whispered

“What?” You must be drunk mate you don’t want to…” he was cut off by Lee kissing him, softly pressing his lips to his. In that moment he felt more alive than he ever had. His heart raced so fast it felt like it might burst out of his chest. A heat flowed all through his body and he began to feel arousal in his trousers. The sensation of stubble against his chin, the roughness of his lips as they pressed against his, made Callum tremble all over. Tasting the beer and remnants of whatever shots they had drunk on Lee’s lips, he was sure nothing had ever tasted so good on his life. He felt like he’d lost the ability to breathe, the shock of the moment sucking all the air from his lungs. Lee soon pulled back and Callum instantly missed the feeling of him. He opened his eyes slowly, anxious about what he’d see on Lee’s face. 

As he looked at Lee he began to speak, “Just so we’re clear mate that wasn’t me trying it on. I erm…love you…but not in that way,” he almost looked mortified by what he’d done. It had clearly been a heat of the moment thing fuelled by alcohol. “Well?” he asked as he looked at Callum with a warm smile, trying to reassure him. “Did that help?”

Callum felt his cheeks burn red with embarrassment. The kiss had confirmed two things for him. One he was gay. Two he was in love with Lee.  
He knew couldn’t tell Lee the whole truth. It was obvious he didn’t feel the same and was just trying to be a good friend. That thought made Callum’s heart swell a little even more for him. Desperately trying to gain back his composure he searched for an answer that would not give too much of his heart away. He settled for half a truth, “Well I enjoyed that more than any kiss I’ve had with a girl, so think that tells me somethin. On the other hand it was weird kissin you, not sure you’re my type!” he laughed.

Lee’s lips curled up and a warmth spread across his face, “So…?” he asked.

“Yeh….I think…well I know…I’m gay,” Callum mumbled almost afraid to say the words out loud. 

Lee hugged him as he reassured him, “I’m so proud of you mate.” Callum held onto him so tightly, feeling so vulnerable in that moment. Lee continued comfort him, “Just remember this doesn’t change who you are, you’re still Callum and will always be my best mate! No matter what.” Callum clung to Lee for dear life, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, fingernails digging into his shirt. Breathing deeply, he inhaled Lee’s scent wanting to commit everything about this moment to memory. Knowing that he would never experience this closeness with Lee again and once the hug was broken it would be over. “Love you bro!” Lee confirmed as he pulled away.

And that was that, he came out, finally knowing who he was and it was okay to be him. Slowly he began to have the confidence to tell other people. The Carters accepted it too and embraced it. They were all proud of him and happy he could be himself. He just hoped one day he would meet someone who made his heart dance like Lee did. Stuart struggled at first, but eventually came round to the idea and accepted it. Callum finally felt comfortable in his own skin for the first time and free to be who he was without anyone holding him back.

As the years went on, things began to change. Lee joined the army and it made him even more of a ladies man. Callum would see on his Facebook page, he was with a different girl every weekend. It made him smile, knowing that his friend’s charm and charisma never waned. They didn’t see each other as often but always caught up when he came home and they’d text back and forth all the time. Callum trained as a chef and got a job at a local restaurant. He’d got his own flat and had begun embracing his sexuality. His first relationship had been with a guy called Chris. Callum had met him at work and they’d hit off straight away. Chris had been really patient with Callum and let him take things at his pace. His first time with Chris had been like an epiphany for Callum. It was like an explosion of all the pent up feelings he’d had for years. It felt so natural and right to be doing this with a guy. They were together for about a year and although he was fond of Chris his heart never really fluttered like it did when he was near Lee. He also struggled with being affectionate towards him, he always wanted to be but found he didn’t know how. He blamed the fact he was starved of it as a child, he didn’t know how to show someone love. He tried hard to but it never came naturally and he just let Chris take the lead on cuddling on the couch or spooning in bed. Callum never rejected it when it happened but he didn’t initiate it as he just wasn’t at ease with it all. Eventually their relationship just fizzled out and they agreed they’d be better off as friends. Chris would always be special to Callum, but he knew they weren’t ever going to work in the long run. 

He dated a few different guys after Chris. He wasn’t one for one night stands or random hook ups, he’d never been comfortable with the idea of being intimate with someone he barely knew. Often when he met someone he’d go out with them on a few dates, have fun and a couple he’d spent the night with but it always came to nothing. The problem was none of them compared to Lee. He felt like he was destined to spend his life pining for his best mate. Although he finally realised, one day he may just have to accept that he might have to settle for close enough being the best he could get. Hopefully one day he would meet someone who would come close enough and he could find the missing piece of the puzzle. The piece that he desperately needed to replace that last feeling of loneliness with happiness.

He still kept in contact with the Carters and visited them regularly. It was on one visit he met up with Johnny again. He’d always thought of Johnny and Nancy like his little brother and sister and enjoyed spending time with them. Johnny had grown up a lot and Callum noticed the change in him, he recognised he’d become a good looking man. Not quite on a par with Lee but he could see he was attractive in his own way. Johnny was handsome, clean shaven and his eyes showed kindness. His features were softer than Lee’s and his smile had a warmth about it that made Callum feel at ease. His physique was completely different. Johnny was slight and a little bit taller, he was still toned but less muscular. Callum realised he had fallen into two of his new habits. The first one being appraising him on his attractiveness, something he had begun doing with men he spent time with. The other was comparing them to Lee, a habit he desperately wished he could kick. Shaking himself he snapped out of his thoughts. He realised it was weird having these thoughts as they were practically family. So when Johnny asked him to go for a drink, he didn’t think too much of it. He thought it would be good to catch up. They met at a local gay bar, Callum assumed it was for his benefit and Johnny was just trying to be a good mate. They chatted and downed a fair few drinks. It was great talking to Johnny, the conversation flowed effortlessly and they made each other laugh. At times he felt like Johnny was flirting, but he was sure he’d got it wrong, Johnny had always been a tactile person and the alcohol surely added to this. As the evening progressed Johnny dragged Callum up to dance. He was a little bit taken aback when he began to pull him close and grind against him. Initially it made him feel awkward, it was unnerving having someone you’d seen in a purely platonic way behaving like this with you. He wasn’t even sure Johnny was gay and even if he was it didn’t mean he was interested in him. The questions that swirled in his mind were answered when Johnny suddenly grabbed him and crashed their lips together. Although it felt a bit peculiar, his inhibitions were lowered due to the alcohol so he decided to go with it. It was a messy, sloppy kiss and soon became heated. Callum closed his eyes and realised it reminded him of how it felt kissing Lee all those years ago. His heart wasn’t racing like it did then but it’s rate was definitely elevated and perhaps it was the closest he’d got to it since. Johnny’s lips were soft and he opened his mouth allowing Callum to explore. Tasting the alcohol on his tongue and feeling it dancing with his, definitely made him tingle with excitement. He felt a warmth flow through him and a slight twitch in his lower region. Not quite with the intensity of his kiss with Lee but there was definitely arousal. After a short while he pulled away, his forehead wrinkled as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His eyes scanned Johnny’s face for some sort of answer to his silent question.

Johnny laughed “I’ve been wanting to do that for years,” he said gazing longingly into Callum’s eyes.

“You’re drunk!” Callum giggled.

“Maybe I am, maybe that’s what’s finally given me the courage to act on how I feel.” Johnny frowned at Callum as if he was disappointed about something. “You never realised I’ve had a crush on you for years?” he questioned.

Callum was taken aback by what he’d just heard. “To be honest I didn’t even know you were gay. It never would have entered my head you could fancy me,” he laughed. 

“So how bout we get out if here and I show you how much I fancy you?” he whispered in his ear. The sensation of his warmth breath against his neck again raised his pulse slightly. Callum’s head was wrecked, on one hand he was excited at the prospect of taking Johnny home. It had been a while since he had any action and he definitely could do with the release. He also knew Johnny well and would be comfortable with him. If it led to something more and worked out it could be great. He could cement his position as a member of the Carter family. He also knew that he could never be with Lee and Johnny could be the next best thing. Him and Lee were similar in a lot of ways, he could possibly be the close enough he was happy to settle for. On the other hand, if he went for it and it went wrong he could risk losing the only family he’d ever had as well as his best mate. He could never expect Lee to chose him over Johnny. It was a big risk and one he wasn’t sure he was willing to take. It had taken Callum so long to find a family who loved and accepted him, he couldn’t bear the thought of jeopardising that. 

He was conflicted but also knew that the alcohol in which he had drank, would prevent him from making a reasonable decision. He decided to be sensible, “Tell me you want this when you’re sober and we’ll talk.” He pressed one soft kiss to Johnny’s lips then pulled him off the dance floor. “Time to go home,” he demanded. 

Waking up the next morning Callum felt a pang of embarrassment about what happened the previous night. Fully believing it to be a moment of drunken stupidity, Callum didn’t believe anything would come of the drunken kiss. He was hoping him and Johnny would laugh it off and could go back to being as they were before. Johnny had other ideas it seemed. He was persistent, even when Callum shared his concerns about them getting together, he never gave up in pursuing him. Callum was eventually worn down and agreed to give it a go, on the condition that they talked it through with the rest of the Carters and they were okay with it. Johnny felt like they we’re asking permission to be together and wasn’t keen about it at first. It felt a bit to him like more of a business negotiation and took away some of the romance. But he really wanted a chance to be with Callum and if this was the only way then he was going to take it. The Carters reassured them they would be delighted for them to be together and no matter what happened Callum would always be part of the family. They thought they were perfect for each other. Lee made a joke about having to kick Callum’s ass if he ever hurt his brother. Callum thought that was hilarious but it also scared him. He didn’t realise he’d also given Johnny the same warning about Callum. In the end it all turned out pretty well, he grew to love Johnny. He never had the fire for him he once had for Lee, but accepted that what they shared was a different kind of love. The sex was good, the best he’d had and he felt more comfortable with and closer to Johnny than any other guy he’d been with. He also felt even more like part of the Carter family. 

Him and Johnny moved in together after about a year. Although he was far more comfortable with Johnny, he still had the issues with showing affection. He could tell Johnny sometimes craved for Callum’s touch and desperately tried to seek it. Always hugging him from behind or leaning his head on his shoulder as they watched a movie on the couch. He felt he was more affectionate with Johnny than Chris but still it didn’t come easy to him. Johnny was very patient with him and always showed him how much he meant to him. He’d always make an effort to plan romantic dates and make Callum feel special. He also seemed to accept that Callum found it hard to do the same so never pushed him on it. Callum felt safe and loved, it was all he could have hoped for. When Johnny proposed two years later Callum immediately accepted. The Carters were delighted and Mick even said he was officially about to become one of them. It was a given he would take Johnny’s name, finally a way to break free of the shackles of his past. The idea of becoming a Carter, made him feel a sense of pride and security. Sometimes he wondered if he was settling for second best but he knew that was okay, he was still more than happy with everything he had.

That’s how he got to be where he was today, he was content. He had all he ever wanted as a kid, being part of a proper family, safe and loved. He was determined to cling on to it with everything he had. He told himself that there would be no point in ever letting go. He felt like he wouldn’t ever be able to find anything better than what he he had. Of course little did he know a chain of events was about to begin that would change everything. One that would take him on a very different path than the one he had mapped out. One that meant his life would never be the same again.


	2. Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the people who took time to read, comment or leave kudos on the first chapter. It means a lot to know people have enjoyed it. 
> 
> I have proof read but apologise if I’ve missed any errors. 
> 
> I hope you like the next instalment:-)

The next year flew by in a bit of blur for Callum. Johnny and him had set a date fairly soon after the proposal. The wedding was fast approaching, just over three months away. Johnny had been so excited, he had planned everything and couldn’t wait for it to all come together. Although Johnny had constantly asked him to get involved and make decisions, Callum was happy to let him take the reins. If he was being honest, he didn’t really mind, as long as Johnny was happy he would go along with it. His blasé attitude had caused tension at times. Johnny had sometimes been frustrated with him, letting him know he wanted him to help and take the pressure off. 

“This is your wedding too you know!” Johnny snapped during one heated discussion. “It’s like you don’t even care sometimes. Are you sure you want to marry me? Cos it sometimes seems like you couldn’t be less bothered.”

“Now you’re just bein stupid!” Callum argued back, “Course I wanna marry you, I just want the day to be perfect for you and so I think it’s best you get the final say.” 

It took a little while but he eventually managed to reassure him and calm him down. He knew Johnny was being over dramatic and that he was just stressed as he wanted everything to be perfect. All that mattered to Callum was that Johnny was happy and that he finally got become an official member of the Carter family. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the wedding but he knew if Johnny planned it all and did it his way, he would have both those things. That was the most important thing after all. 

As well as the wedding he also had two new distractions to focus on. The first being his new boss at work, who Callum had taken a strong disliking to. Ian had taken over the restaurant six months ago and it had become hell on earth. He had sauntered in throwing his weight around, making everyone feel small. He knew better than everyone and it was his way or the highway. Several people had already quit, Callum wished he’d been as brave as them. Ian had particularly been harsh on Callum, always criticising his menu choices, not allowing him to experiment with new styles or flavours; totally stifling any creativity he had. Callum had begun to hate his job and if it wasn’t for the security it provided he would have left. However he knew it was a nice steady income and gave him and Johnny stability, he couldn’t just walk away. 

The other distraction was one that had been so for a long time. Lee. Lee had finally left the army and was settling back into civilian life. It turned out he needed his oldest mate to help him. Callum had got him a job as a waiter in the restaurant and they’d been spending lots of time together in and out of work. Callum loved having his best mate back and enjoyed spending time with him. Johnny would often be there too and he loved the fact that the three of them could easily spend so much time together. Lee hadn’t changed and neither had their closeness or friendship. Unfortunately, the spark he felt for Lee, was still there. Every time he smiled or laughed his heart skipped a beat. Butterflies still stirred in his stomach every time he touched him. Callum hoped they would get less in time. He did feel a pang of guilt that he was more thrilled by the prospect of having a drink after work with Lee than going home to Johnny, but he accepted that although being with Johnny wasn’t as exciting, it still made him happy. 

Another thing that hadn’t changed was that Lee was still happily single and playing the field. Callum wondered if he’d ever settle down. In a way he kind of liked that Lee hadn’t found anyone special, that way he didn’t have to deal with jealousy as well as all other feelings he had. This changed a little when Lee introduced him to a girl recently, Whitney. Apparently they met when Lee was in the army, but she knew that Lee didn’t want to be exclusive and that Lee didn’t do relationships. She had been happy be a friend with benefits. Initially Callum had found himself consumed with jealousy over the relationship but in time he couldn’t help but like her. She was funny and kind and was an equal to Lee in dishing out banter and jokes. He could see why maybe Lee had seen her more than once, unlike any other girl. The fact that Lee was so reluctant to commit though, helped ease any discomfort Callum felt about their relationship. 

With work and Lee, things had become even more hectic than usual. He realised he had been spending a little less time with Johnny and this had accounted for him to having even less time to plan the wedding. He noticed Johnny had become a little quiet and distracted himself, he wasn’t even initiating the contact, affection and intimacy that he normally did. Callum put it down to the fact he was feeling stressed about the wedding plans and the fact he was also busy at work himself. He wanted to help Johnny feel better but he wasn’t good at giving comfort and he still struggled with being affectionate by himself. Deciding he needed to try harder, after dinner, on one rare evening off, he walked up behind Johnny and put his arms around his waist, as he washed up. 

“Everything okay J?” Callum didn’t really feel comfortable with pet names so had settled for J, as it was his way of showing Johnny a little more affection. 

“Yes darling, just a bit tired,” he replied with a sigh. “I’m working from home tomorrow though, so might be able to lie in.” The workload as a solicitor meant Johnny was often working long hours. This didn’t help sometimes with their relationship, Callum would be out late most evenings and Johnny would be up and out early. They were often like ships passing in the night. Johnny had made a conscious effort to try and work from home one day a week to try and give them a bit of extra time together in the week. “Don’t suppose you can take the day off and we can have a long lie in together? Maybe even spend the day in bed?” he asked suggestively.

“Sorry, but I can’t! Ian has this massive do on and he asked if we could get there a bit earlier to help.” Callum replied apologetically. 

“So what we don’t even get a bit of extra time in bed?” Johnny’s eyes immediately lost their sparkle.

Callum’s heart sank a little, he hated to disappoint him. “I’m sorry, won’t be long til we’re on our honeymoon and we can have lots of long lie ins and days in bed.”

Johnny nodded and smiled softly, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. “Early night instead?” He mumbled hopefully. 

“Thought you were tired?” Callum teased as his eyebrows lifted flirtatiously. 

“Never too tired for a fumble with you.” Turning to face Callum, he grinned at him and winked. He stepped forward holding out his hand and lead Callum into the bedroom. Callum was happy he had managed to find a small bit of time to keep Johnny satisfied. He really did want him to be happy. Even if the passion wasn’t quite as it once was, he knew this was something they both could still enjoy together. 

When he woke up the next morning, Johnny was still sleeping. Callum had done his usual trick of turning his back on him and rolling to the edge of the bed. He didn’t mean to distance himself, but he did like his space in bed, subconsciously moving in his sleep. Creeping carefully off the bed and slowly walking over to and opening the wardrobe, he grabbed some clothes and headed out towards the bathroom. He tried hard to ensure he was quiet around the flat as he knew Johnny needed the sleep. He wanted to leave without disturbing him, deciding to to leave him a note telling him he’d be late back and not to wait up. He placed the note on the table, ending it with a heart and kisses. 

On the way to the restaurant he text Lee to remind him Ian wanted them there early. Ian has made it obvious he wasn’t very fond of Lee and it wouldn’t take much of an excuse to get rid of him. His phone buzzed straight away with Lee thanking him and telling him he was on his way. Opening the door to the restaurant he could hear clashing and banging. A loud growl came from the kitchen. Knowing what this meant, he tried hard to avoid Ian seeing him immediately, not wanting to be the first person to bear the brunt of his mood. Approaching cautiously, he peered into the kitchen. Ian was standing over one of the workbenches, slamming pots and pans down on to the counter as he did. He was cursing to himself under his breath, something about if you want things done right and doing it yourself. Callum stepped back quietly, he was attempting to retreat when he heard Lee shout loudly from behind him. 

“Mate!” he cried as he stumbled towards him. 

“Lee. Keep it down will ya. Ian’s in a right foul mood.” Callum asserted firmly.

“Sorry!” he whispered placing his finger to his lips as to shush himself. 

Callum’s eyes widened and then a look of horror appeared on his face, “Are you drunk? For God’s sake. It ain’t even 10 in the mornin!”

“I have a confession to make,” Lee whispered as he stumbled into Callum. “I ain’t been to bed yet, got in, got your text and came straight here,”

Callum shook his head in disbelief. “You need to go! If Ian sees you in this state he’ll…”

“He’ll what?” Neither boys had noticed Ian coming out of the kitchen and into the restaurant. 

“Em…” Callum mumbled as a sweat broke out from his forehead. “Lee’s not feelin well, think he needs to go home,” he wasn’t a good liar at the best of times but he could feel Ian’s eyes boring into him. He hung his head down to his chest in the hope he could get away with it. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Ian asked glaring at Lee intently. 

“Well…I think it might be… summat I ate.” Lee slurred unintelligibly before belching loudly.

“He’s drunk!” Ian stated angrily.

“No!” Lee tried to deny it but him stumbling backwards over his own feet, was an obvious give away. 

“Look Ian…” Callum tried to defend him. But was immediately cut off by Ian.

“Can’t believe you talked me into hiring him…a bloody squaddie for cryin out loud.” Ian yelled being his usual ignorant self. “I mean let’s face it most of em only sign up cos they ain’t got enough braincells to function in the real world.”

Lee flew at him grabbing him by the collar. The alcohol had not only blocked any rational thought but also made him more aggressive. “How dare you?” he yelled. “Who the hell d’ya think you are?”

Callum was furious at Ian’s word as well, but he knew he would not hesitate it getting Lee arrested if he hit him. So he stepped in and pulled Lee off him, trying hard to calm him down. Ian retreated behind the bar area, putting a barrier between himself and Lee. “Get out of here!” he shouted towards Lee. “You’re fired!” 

Callum tried to defend him, though he knew he wasn’t going to win. “Come on in you were out of order, insultin him like that. You provoked him.” He cried trying to reason with Ian.

Ian just huffed at him incredulously, “I’m out of order. This no good waste of space turns up drunk, then launches himself at me and I’m out of order!”

Callum couldn’t contain his fury any longer. He would not have anyone speak to Lee like that. “What you think you’re something special do ya? Some jumped up, overweight, wannabe Jamie Oliver, who no one even likes.” Callum didn’t recognise himself as he spoke to Ian, he’d never found the courage in him to stand up to anyone before. “You know what you can stick your poxy job! Come on Lee, we’re both better than this!” And with that he grabbed Lee and marched him out. Once outside he felt like he was going to hyperventilate and it took a minute to get his breath back. Lee was busy vomiting on the floor right outside the door. After a few minutes Callum looked over to him and he couldn’t help chuckle. “That’ll impress Ian’s important clients…Come on mate lets get you home to sleep it off.” He put an arm around Lee’s waist and helped him as he stumbled up. Eventually they managed to find a cab and he got Lee back home. Mick and Linda were less than impressed when they saw the state of him. They took over from Callum and got him upstairs, thanking him for taking care of him. 

As Callum made his way home, the realisation hit him of what he’d just done. He’d quit his job without a second thought. A sudden wave of guilt hit him, what was Johnny going to say. He shouldn’t have made such an impulsive decision with everything they had coming up. He hoped he’d understand after he told him what happened with Ian and Lee but he felt like he’d let him down massively. On the way home he picked up Johnny’s favourite wine and some flowers in the hope that the gesture would soften the blow. As he walked into the flat, he was stopped dead in his tracks by some grunting noises coming from the bedroom. His first instinct was to run in, fearing Johnny was in danger. However as he stepped further inside, he recognised that the moans Johnny was making were in pleasure not pain. For a brief moment his heart stopped. It was like he was unable to move. A tempestuous sea began to flow into his mind. He couldn’t believe Johnny would do this to him. It would ruin everything, put everything he wanted at risk. He placed the wine and flowers down quietly on a table. Although he didn’t want to, he walked towards the bedroom, he had to see it to believe it was true. As he pushed the door open, his fears were all realised as he saw Johnny in their bed, tangled up with an unknown man. In his shock he yelled out, “Oh My God!” he hadn’t even meant to speak but it just came out. This halted Johnny and his lover, who turned around in surprise at the interruption. Johnny’s face instantly descended from one of pleasure to horror. The other man sensed Callum’s anger and moved off and away from Johnny immediately, grabbing his clothes off the floor. Johnny grabbed his dressing gown and wrapped it round him before making a grab for Callum’s arm. Callum was shaking with fury. Then confusion set in, his mind dogged by so many thoughts; one being why he was mainly angry. Surely he should feel distraught, he’d just caught his fiancé in bed with another man. All he felt was rage, rage that Johnny could jeopardise their relationship and by doing so Callum’s position with the Carter’s. “Get off me!” he eventually yelled pushing Johnny away from him.

Johnny was distraught and tears were bouncing down his face. “Callum please…let me explain!” Johnny begged, as he did he heard the front door slam, indicating Johnny’s lover had left. 

“I think I got the picture Johnny…How could you do that to me?” Callum screamed at him. 

“I didn’t mean for you to find out…You weren’t supposed to come back yet…” Johnny tried to speak but Callum was getting more and more angry at his attempts to reason with him.

“You know what you’re right! I’m early. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt you shaggin some random bloke in our bed. How inconsiderate of me!” Callum spat sarcastically. 

Johnny continued to sob, “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry Callum. I so so sorry! Please just let me…Please.”

“I can’t be in this room with you right now!” Callum boomed and stormed into out into the hallway. It was like all his worst fears were being realised, always dreading something like this might happening. He wanted to leave but he had nowhere to go. He couldn’t go to his usual safe haven, they were Johnny’s family. He suddenly felt very alone. Tears began to trickle down Callum’s face and he ran into the bathroom locking the door, sliding down against it. As he settled on the floor, his arms came up to hug his knees to his chest and he broke down. He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there for, it felt like an eternity. 

After a short while he heard Johnny knock on the door. “Callum please come out. I need to explain. Please we can try and sort this.” Callum’s instinct initially told him he didn’t want to sort this, Johnny had betrayed his trust. It was over. But then he was hit with the realisation if they didn’t fix it, not only would he lose Johnny but possibly the only real family he’d ever had. He had to give him a chance to at least explain. He stood up slowly and opened the door. Johnny had gotten dressed but he looked broken. He gestured for Callum to hug him, but Callum held a hand out, making it clear he didn’t want him to touch him. Callum pushed passed him and headed towards the lounge, slumping heavily on the sofa when he reached it. Johnny followed him and sat on the opposite side of the room on an armchair. 

Callum breathed deeply trying to remain calm. He knew it wouldn’t take much for him to snap. “Go on then!” he demanded sternly. “Explain it to me. Cos I don’t get it. We’re supposed to be gettin married.”

Johnny shook his head before hanging it low. “I know…I know…I am sorry,” he mumbled.

“What is it one final fling, before you’re tied down? What?” Callum pushed angrily for answers.

“No!” Johnny cried quietly. “It wasn’t like that.” He paused before looking up finally meeting Callum’s eyes. “Callum you’ve barely been here. Not physically or emotionally…I can’t get you to show any interest in the wedding or me. You pay more attention to work, Ian and Lee than you do me. You can barely even be bothered to touch me most days.” Callum shook his head angrily, but Johnny was determined to carry on. “You can’t deny it Callum, I don’t ever feel like a priority to you. I’m not sure what you’re more in love with, me or the idea of being part of my family.” Callum couldn’t believe Johnny was trying to blame him, although he was slightly concerned that the answer to that question was one he couldn’t answer simply. “Then this guy…Mark...I erm met him at work and he paid me loads of attention, he made me feel special and wanted me and I just caved. I needed to feel wanted and I wasn’t getting it from you.”

“So it’s all my fault?” Callum shouted in an ironic tone. 

Johnny shook his head again, “No I’m not saying that…it’s on me. I should’ve talked to you, but I was worried what you’d say. See I do love you Callum and I wanted to marry you…but I don’t think you love me like I love you…and I’m not sure I can handle you giving me half measures anymore.”

“So what you sayin…you don’t want us to be together…to get married…you’d rather shag Mark.” Calllum was trying to be calm but he was struggling to hide his hurt.

“No…you don’t get it. I want to be with you, marry you…but I want you to feel the same for me. To want it as much as I do.” Johnny grabbed Callum’s hand and squeezed it tightly. Callum instinctively yanked his arm away, Johnny’s touch being unbearable at the moment. “I think…erm maybe we need a bit of time apart.” Johnny sounded despondent as he dropped his head. “You need to think about what you want. Maybe even see other people for a while.”

Callum couldn’t believe the absurdity of the suggestion. He snapped at Johnny again, “What so we’re even and you can feel less guilty?”

“No…Then maybe you’ll see if it’s really me you want or if you are just settling.” Johnny began to weep again, “See I don’t want to be someone you just settle for.” For the first time in the whole conversation Callum began to feel guilty. The truth was he was settling and he hadn’t meant to hurt Johnny. Not that it excused what Johnny had done, but he recognised maybe he’d played his part. “I think we need time apart. Time to figure out what we want and then maybe we can see if we can fix this.”

“So what you saying?”Callum asked anxiously, “We take a break, do what and who we like and see if it helps bring us closer?” 

Johnny looked to the ceiling, trying to hold in more tears. “Kind of yeah. It’s the only way we’ll know if it can work, if it’s what we really want…if I’m what you really want..” He stood up to go back to the bedroom. “I’ll go home for a while, you stay here. I think it’s for the best.” Callum couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he was the one being cheated on and somehow he was the one being abandoned and left feeling guilty. He just sat there, not sure what to do. 

Several minutes later, Johnny emerged from the bedroom with a bag. Callum looked at him briefly before turning away in shame. Shame that this had gone so wrong, fear now setting in his heart that everything was falling apart and he was about to lose it all. “I’ve changed the sheets,” Callum looked up and just glared at him in disgust. It was the least he could do after what he’d done on them. “I’ll call you in a couple of weeks. Maybe we can talk then. That way we’ve still got time to cancel or finalise the wedding plans,” he sighed deeply. “I am sorry Callum.” Callum dropped his head once more, he couldn’t bear to look at him, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the floor as Johnny walked away. After a few seconds, he heard the door close and he knew he’d gone. He just lay down on the sofa and hugged a cushion as he sobbed loudly, fearing he was about to lose all those things he’d strived so hard to find; safety, love and family.

A few hours later, Callum was still laying on the sofa. He had no energy or inclination to move. The thought had crossed his mind that he probably should eat something but thinking of all that occurred, had turned his stomach. He’d heard his phone buzzing several times but he didn’t want to speak to anyone. He just lay there with a million thoughts swirling in his mind. Was this all his fault? Had his lack of affection and passion for Johnny driven him into the arms of another man? Was he being fair to him by settling for him because he could never have Lee? Countering his guilt, was his anger. Even if he hadn’t given Johnny all he needed, he hadn’t ever talked to him. How was he supposed to know how he felt? Maybe he hadn’t been the best with giving affection but he’d always tried hard. He’d also always been loyal to Johnny. Besides his feelings for Lee, he’d never so much as once looked at another man. He didn’t deserve to be cheated on and lied to. Did he want to try and make work with Johnny? Was it worth staying with him just to keep his place in the only family he’d really had. The whirlwind kept swirling, without any sign of settling and him finding peace. Suddenly he was snapped out of the tornado of confusion by the front door opening. His head turned sharply, expecting Johnny to be stood there, he was relieved when he saw Lee instead. Callum just looked at him, unsure what to say. Lee stormed in almost as if he was angry and marched towards Callum. Callum was panicked; it looked like Lee had already chosen his side. Not that Callum expected any different. 

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Lee cried. 

Callum shrugged his shoulders, “I err..didn’t wanna talk to anyone.” Lee pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. Callum was taken aback that Lee seemed so worried, the relief took over and he sighed deeply, before falling into Lee’s shoulder and sobbing.

“I could kill that idiot brother of mine. Can’t believe he did this to ya.” Lee grumbled. “When he turned up at home all distraught I was gonna come and kill ya til he told us what he’d done. We all gave him what for don’t worry.”

“It ain’t all his fault,” Callum conceded. “I haven’t been there for him like I should.” Callum knew he had to take some of the responsibility and he didn’t want to cause friction between the Carters. There was a chance things might still work out. 

“Don’t make excuses for im. Look he’s my brother and I love im, but what he’s done ain’t right.” Lee insisted. “He’s been a complete prick!” Callum couldn’t argue really, he just shook his head while trying to keep it together. “What ya gonna do?” Lee asked softly.

Callum shrugged and sniffed, “I dunno…he wants us to take a break. Do our own thing and see other people. Reckons it’s the only to figure out if we actually want each other.” 

“And what do you want?” Lee asked calmly. 

“I dunno…my heads a mess. Like I thought I finally had everythin I’ve ever wanted. A proper family…Now it feels like I’m about to lose everythin. I’m not sure I can just let it all go ya know. My home, my family.”

“Look whatever happens you’ll always be my best mate and always be part of our family…but maybe he’s right. A break’ll do ya good. Help ya figure out if bein with im is what you really want. I mean you’ve only ever had two relationships and not had much action in between have ya?” Lee wasn’t judging him, but he was questioning Callum about his choices.

“No they’re ain’t bin many blokes…but it ain’t me is it. Hookin up with randoms. When I sleep with someone it has to mean somethin.”

Lee shook his head sympathetically. “It don’t have to be a big deal sleepin with someone ya know. It can just be fun. I mean relationships can be more hassle than they’re worth.”

Callum couldn’t really argue with how things had worked out for him. But then again it wasn’t like Lee was an expert. “And what would you know? How many relationships have you had? “ he said sarcastically.

“And shit like this is why. I mean look at me, I see one girl more regularly and she wants to settle down, be exclusive.” Lee’s chin fell to his chest as he spoke.

Callum was confused, “You mean Whit?” he asked.

“Yeh. I’ve always been upfront told her I don’t want to settle down. Want us to see other people. She’s always bin alright with it…then last night kicked right off cos I was talkin to some other bird. Said she wants more,” Lee sighed deeply, “Then when I told her I couldn’t give her what she wanted, she said it’s over and she don’t wanna see me no more. Like we were a thing or somethin.” There was a pang of sadness in Lee’s voice, but he soon cleared his throat and put on his nonchalant tone. “Trust me way too much grief!”

A realisation hit Callum and a wry smile cracked his face, “So that’s why you got blind drunk is it? Not that you care.” Callum knew Lee too well and knew he was more bothered than he was letting on. 

“Course not just wanted to have fun after all the drama.” Lee coughed trying to keep up his front. “Anyway all I’m sayin is you should try it. Have a bit of no strings fun. If you like it then you know maybe you’re not ready to settle down…and if you find it ain’t for you then you’ll know maybe it’s Johnny and settlin down ya want.” Callum thought long and hard about what Lee said. Maybe he was right, he’d never tried no strings fun. He was so desperate to secure and safe, he clung to anyone that offered him that. If he faced up to the truth, he didn’t do affection well, maybe he would be better at just a physical connection. He decided maybe for once in his life he should take a risk. He was close to losing everything anyway and Johnny had given him the go ahead. It couldn’t make things worse. Maybe he should give it a go. 

That’s how a week later he found himself on an aeroplane. Jetting off on a lads holiday with Lee and some of his ex army mates. They’d hired a villa on a Spanish Island and planned to have a month of sun, sex and sea. Callum of course let Johnny know, he didn’t feel right about not doing. Johnny told him to enjoy it and they’d talk when he got back. Callum was worried Lee would feel weird about him bringing a guy back, because of his relationship with his brother. Lee reassured him he didn’t care and as long as him and Johnny were okay with it so was he. Eventually Callum agreed, it might be good to finally let loose and have fun. Instead of worrying about what might happen in the future, he was determined to enjoy the here and now for once. It would either make him realise how special what he had was or that he wanted something different. It went against all his better instincts, but he knew he needed a change, to take a chance. Whatever happened he had to make the most of it.


	3. Letting Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for anyone who took the time to read, comment and leave kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot.
> 
> This chapter picks up pace a little bit and does have a bit of sexual content. I apologise in advance as I have never attempted to write anything like this before and so it may well be terrible. However it is important to the story. Also I apologise if I missed any mistakes when proof reading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next part :-)

Looking out over the sea, Callum instantly felt a sense of serenity he never had before. There was something about being by the water that always made him feel at peace. The villa they were staying at over looked the beach and the view was just stunning. Golden sands seem to stretch for miles and the ocean was the most beautiful shade of blue Callum thought he’d ever seen. No matter what happened, he felt like being here had definitely been the best decision he’d ever made.

The lads who they’d come with seemed great. There were four of them besides him and Lee. All out to have a good time and enjoy some freedom. Being in the army had its own restrictions and obviously they all wanted to let loose and make the most of being away. Although Callum was looking for freedom and to let loose, it was for different reasons. This thought made him a little nervous, once again he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing. His inexperience weighed heavy on his mind, when it came to their discussions about going out on the pull and bringing people back, Callum just remained quiet; not wanting to make a fool of himself in front of his friends. Lee obviously knew him too well and sensed he was a little uncomfortable with the conversation. He just gave him a reassuring smile trying to convey to him not to worry. Callum was glad that each man had their own bedroom, as it meant he could retreat to his before getting ready for their first evening out. Lying back on the bed he was trying to mentally prepare himself for what was ahead. It was so out of his comfort zone, but he was determined to embrace his freedom, to try something new. His mind wandered briefly to Johnny, still feeling a sense of hurt and guilt about how things were. The thought of this being Johnny’s idea, eased his guilt slightly but it still didn’t feel quite right. Callum shook his head and told himself he shouldn’t worry too much about Johnny. After all he hadn’t considered Callum at all when he was having sex with Mark or whoever. He had to push all thoughts of him to the back of his mind and focus on enjoying the here and now. Just then a knock on his door, brought him back into his room. Lee walked in looking stunning, as he usually did when he dressed for a night on the town.

“Y’alright mate?” he enquired as he entered. “You not ready yet?”

“Just about to start workin on that now,” Callum replied with a sigh.

“Look I can tell you’re feelin a bit on edge. Saw it earlier when the lads were chattin.” Lee advanced and perched on the edge of the bed next to Callum. “You’ve just gotta be confident and enjoy yourself!” Lee insisted.

“Easy for you to say!” Callum huffed. “You’ve never had any problem in that department have you? I ain’t gotta clue how to go up to someone, get em interested. Have fun, then afterwards get rid of em and move on to the next…I’m probably gonna make a massive tit of myself.” Callum put his hands to his face, trying to cover his embarrassment.

Lee rolled his eyes. “Mate you’re over think everythin…You ain’t out to find someone to marry. Just to shag. Don’t matter if you go up to someone and make a complete arse of yourself. You never have to see em again.”

“I guess.” Callum shrugged.

“Look let me give ya some tips eh?” Lee tapped Callum on the knee to get his attention. Callum looked up at him and nodded. He knew he would need any help he could get. “Right first of all, just be yourself and be confident. If you see someone you like the look of just go for it. None of this _they’re out of my league_ crap. Like I said you may as well go for it. Even if they ain’t interested it don’t matter. Not like you’re ever gonna see em again.” Callum realised he was right, he wasn’t planning on finding the love of his life, what did it matter, he just wanted fun. “Good thing to do is make eye contact and smile, you can usually tell if you’re in with a chance from their response…Second of all try and be upfront about what you’re after. If they want more than a quick fling then it might not be worth the hassle or you could give up false hope and end up hurtin em.” Lee looked down at that with a sheepish look on his face. It was clear he was thinking about Whitney and how he’d maybe lead her on and hurt her. He took a breath before continuing, “Best you both know where you stand straight away. Lastly if you can avoid sleep overs do. I mean obviously it’s a bit cruel to kick someone out straight away after, but leave as soon as you can or ask them to if they’re here. I mean it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise if you’ve been upfront. But again makes it clear no blurred lines.” Callum just nodded again. Lee made it all sound so easy, like it was the rules for playing snakes and ladders or some equally simple game. When Callum thought about what he said, he knew all of the advice was good, he just wasn’t sure how he could make it work for him. “Right now get yourself dressed and if I were you, put an outfit on that shows off your assets.” With that he gave Callum a wink, stood up and left. Callum smiled weakly and shook his head. Maybe he just needed to do what he said and just enjoy himself. He stood up and went to the wardrobe, choosing a pair of skinny jeans and a blue shirt that showed off his eyes. That kind of thing had always got Johnny and Chris going so maybe it would help him catch the eye of a good looking guy tonight. Looking in the mirror he tried to feign an air of confidence he could do this. He was willing to give it a try at least.

Later that night Callum was actually enjoying himself. Probably due the amount of alcohol he’d consumed, he felt quite confident and was enjoying being one of the lads. They’d been to a few bars and were just having a drink in one last one before heading to a club. The atmosphere in the bar was lively and friendly. It was fairly busy, but no so over crowded that Callum felt claustrophobic. It seemed fairly simple with polished wooden floors and stone walls. For some reason Callum felt more at ease here than he had in any others. Maybe it was the simplicity of the place. A lot of the bars they’d been in had been quite pretentious but this one was different, not trying to appear to be something it was not. As him and Lee were stood ordering drinks, Callum was suddenly stopped dead in his tracks by a mesmerising sight behind the bar. Serving drinks a little further along was one of the most handsome men he thought he’d ever laid eyes on. Sparkling blue eyes and a cheeky grin, drew Callum in immediately. Coupled with that was short, soft brown hair and a perfect amount of stubble that suited his bronzed complexion perfectly. His features were fairly sharp and defined but not in a harsh way, they just made him more handsome. As his eyes moved from his face down, Callum noticed he was quite short and slender in stature, but his body was toned. When the man turned and bent to retrieve bottles from the fridge he noticed how pert his backside was. His heart began to race and his temperature rose dramatically. It almost reminded him of the reaction he’d had when he first set eyes on Lee, except this time there no confusion about what he was feeling. This was intense desire, one he wasn’t sure he’d felt before. Callum started to feel his usually insecurities rising. In his mind this man was clearly out of his league but he couldn’t seem to peel his eyes away from him. As the man turned around he caught Callum staring and couldn’t help but smile and raise his eyes at him. Realising he’d been caught, Callum dropped his head instantly. He felt his face burning as his cheeks turned a shade of crimson. He was hoping no one would notice in the low light of the bar, but of course fate wouldn’t be that kind to him. After finishing serving his current customers the man slowly approached Callum. “See somethin you liked did you?” The man asked with a devilish smirk. Callum was taken a back he hadn’t even thought that he could be English, now he had to find some sort of response, knowing he’d understand every word.

“I erm…didn’t mean to…” Callum stumbled over his words. Lee nudged him causing him to turn to him and mouthed for him to just go for it. Callum realised he was right, he’d already been caught and him struggling to speak was hardly smooth. He thought it probably wouldn’t get much worse, he may as well go full pelt and make a total fool of himself. “Just admirin the view,” he uttered almost wishing the ground would open up and swallow him, but trying not to appear like the nervous wreck he felt inside.

The man raised his eyes on surprise then rolled his lips in between his teeth suggestively. “Well it has been said that my arse is one of the best things you’ll see round these parts.” The man said winking at Callum. Callum blushed again but smiled back. “What can I get you? I’d recommend somethin in a bottle of you want a second look.”

Callum was glad that the music was loud, he was certain you’d have heard his heart pounding otherwise. “Well in that case we’ll have six bottles of lager please,” he said quite flirtatiously. The man smiled and turned around bending ridiculously slowly, clearly teasing. Callum couldn’t help but lick his lips admiring the vision in front of him. As he turned back and placed the drinks on the bar, he looked Callum straight in the eye before looking him up and down and nodding. Suggesting that maybe he himself had liked what he’d seen. “Have to say…view ain’t bad from where I’m standin either.” Callum couldn’t help but blush again as well as trying to remain calm, despite the butterflies that were beginning to dance in his stomach. He just held the man’s gaze and smiled widely. “Right well that will be twenty four euros please.” The man requested. Callum took his wallet out, taking out notes and handing it to the man. As their hands met, there was a surge of electricity that flew threw him. Callum wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol flowing through his veins, but it felt even more intense than anything he’d felt before, even with Lee.

“Have one for yourself!” he suggested as the man released his hand. The man nodded and smiled.

“Cheers mate. Might have to save it til the end of my shift. Which is at 2am in case your interested?” He again raised his eyes suggestively.

Callum just smiled and nodded. “Well that depends on whether I get a better offer!” He was trying to appear confident and not too keen even though he felt like he was trembling inside.

The man leaned over the bar to him and whispered in his ear. “I guarantee you won’t!” His warm breath against his skin almost sent Callum into overdrive. That alongside his confidence was a massive turn on and Callum felt a stirring in his groin. He almost wished he hadn’t worn his tight jeans. The man pulled back and turned away to serve the next person. Callum stood there for a moment in a bit of a daze, eventually trying to calm himself. Lee eventually patted him on the back, clearly impressed with Callum’s efforts to flirt. He walked behind Lee in the hope that no-one would notice his arousal as they walked through the bar. By the time they reached the others he’d calmed down and joined in with their conversation. Whilst they drank and talked his eyes wandered across to the barman several times. Occasionally he caught his eye and they exchanged smiles. As they left he tilted his head up to acknowledge him, even if he didn’t come back tonight, he felt a definite buzz of having someone as gorgeous as this man flirting with him. It gave him confidence to go for it.

The club the boys chose was very different to the bars they’d been in. It was crammed to the rafters full of people. Neon strobe lights flashed throughout providing light on what was mainly a sea of darkness. The music was loud and pulsating through the heads of all those inside. The lads seemed to be enjoying it but it really wasn’t Callum’s thing. He wasn’t really into the club scene, the music wasn’t his taste and he almost felt like he couldn’t breathe due to the sheer amount of people in close proximity. Lee had quickly found some pretty girl to dance with and had been grinding up against her for most of the night. Callum would normally feel jealous but he distracted himself by trying to find someone who piqued his interest more than the guy in the bar. He failed miserably as although he’d seen the odd guy who was attractive, none of them seemed to get him as excited. Plus he’d been unable to tell if any were gay or pick up any signs they’d been interested in him. By 1:30 he’d made a decision not to settle for second best and to go and get the guy from earlier. He told Lee what he was up to and he was fine with it, to preoccupied with his own needs to pay too much attention.

Callum left the club and headed back towards the bar deciding to wait on a bench just outside. After waiting for about ten minutes and watching countless people leave, he eventually saw the man from earlier emerge. Callum’s heart sank a little when he saw he wasn’t alone and talking to another man. He wandered if even though he hadn’t had a better offer maybe the other man had. Thinking to himself that maybe tonight wasn’t his night he stood up to leave. As he did the other man spotted him, a huge grin appearing on his face as he did. He turned to the speak to the other man before holding up his hand for the other man to grab. A clear gesture of friendship and saying goodbye. He then walked slowly over to Callum, the grin still painted over his face. In the moonlight he looked even more stunning than before. The confident swagger he had as he walked was also a massive turn on for Callum. As he got close to him, he again looking him up and down before tilting his head to the side. “Told you you wouldn’t get a better offer.” he said knowingly.

“Guess not eh!” Callum replied coyly.

“So…” The man purred looking Callum up and down as he did.

“So…” Callum replied shyly eyes falling to the floor as anxiety began to kick in. This guy clearly knew what he was doing and had done this many times before. It wouldn’t take long for him to figure out Callum wasn’t used to this and was relatively inexperienced.

“You up for some fun…” The man paused and gesturing for Callum to tell him his name.

“Callum,” he said quietly “And I’m definitely up for fun…” Callum repeated the gesture indicating the man should share his name.

“Ben,” he said narrowing his eyes a little as if he was trying to work something out. Callum wondered if he’d realised that he had no real clue what he was doing or that he could sense his nervousness. “Just so we’re clear,” he began to speak again, “I only do fun. Not looking to get into a relationship…and don’t do repeat performances as a rule. If you want anythin more then I’m not your guy tonight.”

Callum felt a sense of relief wash over him. Not only did he not appear to sense Callum’s anxiety, he was after the same thing he was. It didn’t matter if Callum was awful at it, he wasn’t likely to be seeing him again. He looked up and gazed into his eyes, in another circumstance he could see himself getting lost in them, but not tonight. Tonight was about sex, having fun and nothing more. He decided to be confident and just say what he wanted. He leaned forward to whisper in the guys ear. “Don’t worry…don’t wanna marry you…just wanna shag you!” It had the desired affect on Ben, his eyes darkened as he looked at Callum with pure lust.

“Your wish is my command,” he growled in a predatory manner. “Got somewhere we can go?” Callum nodded and gestured for Ben to follow him. They hailed a cab and headed back to the villa. There were no words spoken between them the whole way, they both knew there was no need. This wasn’t about getting to know someone, it was about tonight and tonight only. As they arrived at the villa Callum was relieved to see none of the others appeared to be home yet. It meant he could really let loose and not be embarrassed about anyone else hearing them. He lead Ben to his room and locked the door behind them. Once again the nerves hit Callum, unsure of if he should make the first move. Turning to face Ben, he saw him looking at him, biting his lower lip seductively. This removed any nerves and pure animalistic instinct took over. He didn’t know what caused this affect in him; his new found freedom; the feeling that he didn’t have to see him again or whether it was purely the raw sexual magnetism of the man in front of him, but he couldn’t control himself. Knowing exactly what he wanted and what he had to to, he grabbed Ben behind the neck and pulled his face towards his. Before he could crash their lips together Ben put a hand on his chest and pushed him back. Fearing he’d done something wrong Callum began to tremble with anxiety.

Before he could react Ben made his intentions clear, “I don’t do snogging…waste of time when I can put my mouth to better uses,” he murmured seductively. Within a second he pushed Callum on the bed and dropped to his knees. Removing Callum’s shoes, jeans and boxers, he made good on the promise to put his mouth to better use. After minutes of receiving the most exhilarating pleasure he thought he’d ever had, Callum stopped the man, not wanting the evening to finish so quickly. Ben stood and Callum immediately tugged at his T-Shirt, suggesting he removed it. Callum removed his own shirt as Ben stripped himself of all his clothing. Callum then began to return the favour to Ben whilst preparing him for the next step at the same time. Ben’s moans and groans let Callum know he was enjoying this as much as him. After several minutes Ben grunted “Fuck me!” and Callum didn’t need any further encouragement. Without any words exchanged they instinctively fell into a position that they knew would give them the pleasure they wanted. Callum totally let go and let his body do what felt right. It was the most amazing sex he’d ever had and judging by the moans and curses coming from Ben he seemed to enjoying himself just as much. Their bodies moved in perfect synchronicity, as if they both knew exactly what each other needed. A while later after experiencing the most immense ecstasy, Callum thought he’d ever had, both men climaxed within seconds of each other.

Once he’d come back down from his almighty high, he withdrew from Ben and lay down on the bed. Ben collapsed next to him and both men lay side by side panting heavily, trying hard to get their breath back. After a few minutes Callum finally came fully back down to earth. Feeling unsure of what to say or do next Callum lay there glaring at the ceiling, making a conscious effort no to touch the other man. He was relieved when Ben spoke breaking the building tension he felt, “Well you’re a bit of a dark horse,” he said flippantly. “To be honest mate I didn’t think you’d have that in you.”

Callum let out a small chuckle, eyes still glued to the ceiling. “Neither did I,” he mumbled speaking honestly. A few weeks ago he could have never imagined that he would have been able to just meet someone and take them home, letting pure desire take over him. Yet here he was, despite the slight awkwardness, feeling pleased with himself, enjoying every second of it. A wave of tiredness suddenly washed over him. The physical exertion and fatigue from travelling taking over. He could easily just allow himself to drift off to sleep but then he remembered Lee’s advice. Not to let the man get the wrong idea, he needed him to go. “Bathroom’s just through there if you wanna get cleaned up,” he said gesturing to the door that lead into the room.

Ben was clearly taken by surprise at the comment, “Right…Well I’ll get myself sorted then,” he replied with a cautionary tone. As he rose from the bed and picked up his boxers, Callum couldn’t help but admire his firm backside. Ben glanced back at him and gave him a smirk when he realised what he was doing. Callum immediately turned away blushing as he heard Ben close the bathroom door behind him. Callum rose from the bed and put his boxers and jeans back on. He also found a t-shirt and put it on, so he was more decent for showing the guy out. After a few minutes Ben emerged from the bathroom and was clearly a little taken back to see Callum dressed again. Raising his eyebrows, his eyes widened in surprise as he sucked in his bottom lip and nodded.

Callum cleared his throat before speaking again, “Do you need to call a cab or can you walk back home from here?” he asked trying to keep an air of casualness to his voice.

“So you are actually kicking me out then,” he huffed with a look of incredulity on his face. “Wow, nice!”

Callum dropped his head to his chest. He did feel guilty and almost relented and told him he could stay. If he was being true to himself that’s what he would like, but he was trying something different, finally taking some risks. He had to be resolute and stick to it. “Sorry…erm…look I had a great time. It was amazing but like you said earlier it was just a one off for fun. So best leave it there eh?”

Ben narrowed his eyes and nodded his head in what appeared to be appreciation. “You’re full of surprises ain’t you,” he almost whined looking Callum up and down. “Don’t apologise. Just a shame we ain’t gonna go for round two.” Callum’s face reddened as he internally berated himself. He hadn’t even considered that Ben might want to go again. Desperately trying to keep Ben at arms length, may have just cost him another lengthy session of phenomenal sex. He knew he’d look a little pathetic if he backtracked and asked him to stay now, so he had to just go with it. Before he could respond Ben spoke again, “I’m alright walkin, ain’t that far plus cab drivers round here are flamin lunatics and I think I’ve had enough adrenaline for one night,” he said winking at Callum.

Callum gulped as Ben spoke. The thought of him enjoying this as much as Callum excited him a little. He cleared his throat before speaking. “I’ll guess.. I’ll erm…see you out then.” Callum stumbled over his words a little, almost as if he didn’t really want to say them. Tilting his head in a gesture for Ben to follow him he lead him out of the room. As they reached the front door Callum felt slightly awkward, he had never been in this situation before and was unsure what to say or do. Normally when saying goodbye to someone he’d maybe give them a handshake, a hug or a kiss on the cheek, depending on who it was. After what they’d just done a handshake felt a little too formal but a hug and kiss felt a bit too intimate. Considering Ben had made it clear he didn’t do kissing, he felt like it would be a step too far. He decided not to do anything just open the door and say goodbye, he hoped couldn’t mess that up. “Well thanks for tonight, I had a great time.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to thank him, but he did; after all he had given him one of the best nights of his life.

Ben smiled and rolled his lips between his teeth before letting out a slight chuckle. “You’re very welcome.” He leant forward to whisper in Callum’s ear, mimicking Callum’s earlier action to him. “For what it’s worth I had a great time too.” And with that he walked out of the door. It took all of Callum’s willpower not grab hold of him and drag him back upstairs. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone as sexy in his life and the effect he had on Callum was nothing he’d experienced before. Closing the door behind him to create a barrier between them, he leant back against it and breathed deeply.

It took a little while to regain his composure. Once he had, he took himself back to his bedroom and fell back on his bed. Thoughts of his time with Ben filled his mind and he couldn’t help but feel completely blissed out. This time he allowed himself to enjoy it; he was alone now and didn’t have to worry about the etiquette of what to do after hooking up with someone. The images he had were so vivid, he could still feel Ben’s skin against his. The scent Ben had left behind on his sheets also added to the sensation he could feel. Smiling to himself, he knew he had never experienced anything like that before. The only time his heart had gotten close pounding so hard was the time Lee kissed him. He knew that was different though. He knew that was to do with how he felt for Lee and the fact it was the first time kissing another man. This was different though, it was pure lust and desire. Not love or anything like it but the electricity that flowed through him at the touch of this man, made him feel more alive than he ever had before. He wondered if it was Ben, was it only him that could have that effect. Then it hit him, he was probably being stupid. He barely knew the man and there was no way they could have such a astonishing connection. It was more likely that it was because he allowed himself to completely let go and enjoy the physical pleasures of what they were doing, without worrying about what would happen after. A huge grin slowly emerged on his face as a realisation hit him. If this is what it was like to just have fun with no real feelings involved, he was going to have the most amazing few weeks. Maybe Lee had been right all these years and his way of doing things was the best. Callum couldn’t deny that he felt free and exhilarated by his time with Ben, even if he hadn’t been comfortable with every aspect of it. He decided he was going to embrace this new way of doing things. If he enjoyed himself with anyone else half as much as he had tonight with Ben, it would definitely be worth giving it a go. With that thought he felt at peace and that feeling coupled with the exhaustion of his physical exertion, helped him drift into a deep sleep. He had the most lucid dreams, about the sparkling blue ocean and ocean blue eyes.


	4. Having Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read, left kudos or commented on this story so far. I’m still very nervous about posting as this is still quite new to me and this story is very different to what I’ve done before. So it really does mean a lot to know people enjoy reading it.
> 
> I apologise for any errors I’ve missed after proof reading.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next instalment:-)

Callum woke the next morning, feeling relaxed and satisfied. It had been a long while since he had felt this way. As he rolled over he inhaled a strong scent, an earthy intoxicating scent, that immediately filled his head with thoughts of the man who had lay there the previous night. Memories of what they’d done made him feel alive in a way he never had before. The idea that meeting someone new and doing it again excited him. He felt like maybe he could get to grips with Lee’s way of doing things after all.

A while later, after showering, dressing, changing the sheets on his bed and putting them in the wash, he made his way outside to the terrace. The ocean looked beautiful today, the sun bounced off it leaving it glistening in its wake. The sea of sparkling blue again triggered a memory of beautiful eyes looking at up at him last night, causing a grin to creep across Callum’s face. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, breathing in the freshness of the sea air and tuning into the sounds of the water lapping against the shore. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so at peace. This was soon broken by a familiar voice calling out to him.

“Oi, Oi!” Lee hollered as he joined him on the terrace. “What you put a wash on for already? You’ve only been here a day!”

Callum blushed and lowered his head to his chin. “Needed to wash my sheets,” he mumbled still not entirely comfortable with talking about his sex life, especially with Lee. Although Lee has reassured him that their relationship hadn’t changed, he was still Johnny’s brother, making it a little awkward.

“Really…well you didn’t waste any time did you?” Lee raised his eyes with a curious smile, but Callum kept his head down. Lee instantly realised he was uncomfortable and wanted to reassure him. “Don’t be embarrassed mate. It’s an achievement pullin on the first night. So d’you have fun?”

Callum shook his head, “D’you really wanna know?” he asked raising his head slightly to look at Lee and gauge his response.

“Well not details obviously…” Lee said screwing up his forehead, “But you can talk to me if you want.”

Callum nodded slowly and sighed, “Just a bit awkward innit…you know with Johnny n everythin.”

“Look I told you. I’m here as your mate. That kid brother of mine made his choice and he’s okay with this…and so am I.” Lee reassured him.

“Okay,” Callum said bringing his head fully to address Lee. “Well it was pretty awesome actually. Probably the best sex I’ve ever had. Just took your advice and went for it. Kicked him out straight after as well. You’da been proud!” Callum chuckled.

Lee nodded slowly and sucked his lips as a clear sign of approval. “Wow! Good on you! Bout time you had a bit of fun.”

Callum laughed slightly and nodded. “What about you? How d’you go with that girl you were after in the club?” he asked remembering Lee was trying to charm a pretty, blonde girl in the club before he left.

“Was alright,” Lee shrugged. “Went back to hers did the deed and left….suppose we both had a good night in the end.” Callum was unconvinced that Lee had a good night. His whole demeanour seemed troubled and not like someone who’d just had a fun filled care free night.

“You don’t sound so sure?” Callum asked softly.

Lee shrugged again and tilted his head slightly before letting out a huff. “Yeh well some nights it ain’t all that good is it. Like sometimes there ain’t that fire. Then others it’s all fire. Trust me you had a great time last night and mine was only alright but tonight it could be totally the other way round. Just one of them things.”

“Yeh sure,” Callum said in agreement. At the end of the day he was new to all this and Lee was probably right. Maybe you did have a better connection with some people than others. The thought that he may not have another night like the last, did make him feel slightly disappointed. He decided not to dwell on it and not to give up hope that he would enjoy many more care free nights. “So what’s on the agenda for today then?”

“Fancy hitting the beach?” Lee suggested. “Think that’s what the lads were gonna do.”

“Sounds good mate,” Callum agreed patting Lee on the back. “How bout I whip us up some breakfast before we go?”

“Knew there was a reason I invited you.” Lee joked smiling widely and winking at him as they headed into the kitchen. Callum loved it when Lee smiled like that and that cheeky wink he gave him made his heart skip a beat slightly. He realised that last night he had completely managed to forget about everything Johnny and his feelings for Lee. But now being in his company and seeing that charm, he struggled to stop his heart responding. However as he thought about it more, if he could forget it all and think about someone else last night, hopefully he could continue to do it and move on at last.

The day at the beach was pretty quiet. Although Lee was putting on a front of having a great time, Callum could tell something wasn’t quite right with him. He knew him too well. When he broached the subject though Lee said he was fine and it was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. Instead of talking, Lee suggested the lads hired jet skis. Callum had to admit he enjoyed it, the adrenaline rush made him feel more alive. Not in the same way as sleeping with Ben had but the more he took a risk with things, the more he relished the idea of experiencing new things; the more invigorated he felt.

That night they had decided to head out again. Callum suggested they avoided the bar Ben worked at, unsure he could resist the magnetic allure of the man and worried he would end up trying it on with him again. Plus he didn’t want to appear like a stalker, who couldn’t keep away. The lads were happy with the idea, all of them quite willing to try as many places as they could. By midnight they had visited several bars and Lee had already found his next target. It hadn’t taken him long to be kissing her passionately on the dance floor of the bar they were in. Even though Callum still had some anxiety about finding someone to take back to the Villa, his night with Ben had given him a bit more confidence. When a good looking blonde guy gave him a smile, Callum retuned it eagerly. Before long, they were dancing close and grinding against each other. Once again Callum felt a slight excitement and definite arousal at the prospect of no strings fun. However he didn’t feel as electrified by this guys touch as he had with Ben. He just put it down to this not being the first experience of it. The thrill of trying something new was always more stimulating. As soon as the guy offered him the chance to go back to his he took it. He looked for Lee to let him know, but he was nowhere to be found. Assuming he’d already gotten lucky with the girl he was with and left, he just sent him a text to let him know he was leaving. Arriving back at the guys hotel, they quickly got down to action. Both men again clearly looking for the same thing, getting off as quickly as they could. Yet this time wasn’t like the time with Ben. It was okay and he’d managed to climax, but he didn’t feel the connection he’d had before. It was awkward at times, rather then moving together, their bodies sometimes felt like they were going in the opposite direction and they found themselves in an awkward position. The guy wasn’t as accomplished as he’d hoped and Callum didn’t feel as satisfied when it was over. Afterwards he couldn’t wait to get out of there, even though it was clear the guy would have liked him to stay. As he walked back to the villa, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. The night he’d shared with Ben had been one of the most thrilling of his life. Whilst he knew not every night wouldn’t be as good, just like Lee had said, he couldn’t help but hope it would feel better than this. Ben had been amazing and being with him had felt natural. Both men just knowing what each other needed to reach a maximum high. Shaking his head and sighing, he just hoped that that first night wasn’t the peak, that nothing else compared too. Hopefully the experience tonight was just more of one of those disappointing nights and others would live up to his expectations. As he lay back on his bed that evening, he couldn’t help thinking of the confident brown-haired man, with those ocean eyes. Eventually he drifted of to sleep; vivid images of that man swirling through his mind.

The next day was relatively uneventful. The effects of last nights alcohol were lingering for all the lads so they decided to have a lazy day around the pool. Lee seemed particularly subdued today. Callum couldn’t help but worry about his friend, it wasn’t often Lee was like this. The only other time Callum had seen him like this was when he first came out of the army. Lee has struggled with some of the experiences he’d had and adjusting back to civilian life. It has taken a while for him to open up to anyone but eventually he had to Callum and to Whitney. They’d convinced him to get counselling and once he came round to the idea and engaged in it things improved. Callum knew that something must be bothering him, especially when he said he didn’t fancy another night out. So he stayed in with him, if the truth were told he wasn’t really up for a night out, unable to shake the disappointment from the previous night. He thought it would also give him a chance to talk to Lee and see what was going on with him.

Deciding he had to be cautious and not push too hard he decided to broach the subject carefully. “So how come you weren’t up for another night out?” he asked trying hard not to let his concern show.

Lee shrugged and rolled his lips, “Dunno. Just didn’t really fancy it tonight. Had another big one last night, thought I’d just take a night off.” Callum nodded. Lee looked at him briefly before attempting to change the subject. “What about you? Heard you strollin in early hours. Seems like you’re having lots of luck with the fellas round here.”

Callum just huffed a small laugh, “Yeh…I ain’t doin bad. But…well last night didn’t quite live up to the high standards set previously.” He sighed awkwardly.

Lee raised his eyebrows and grinned at Callum. “Listen to you…havin high standards.”

Callum knew he was trying to deflect and was determined not to let him. “What about you? You had your tongue down that girls throat last time I saw you. Didn’t look like you were doin so bad yourself.”

Lee’s face fell instantly and he sighed. “Yeh well nothin happened. Didn’t feel right about it.”

Callum sensed this may have had something to do with Lee’s mood. “Wanna talk about it?” he asked quietly. “Not that I’m an expert on these things.”

Lee acknowledged him with a small grin. “I dunno you’re turnin into a right Romeo.”

“Lee.” Callum replied firmly, letting him now he wasn’t going to let him distract him.

“Fine!” Lee conceded. “It’s just…I keep thinkin bout Whit. I think I just feel guilty that I hurt her…I mean I do care about her…I just can’t give her what she wants. I guess feel a little guilty that I’m out here havin fun, while she’s at home miserable.”

“Mate.” Callum consoled him by putting his arm on his shoulder. “Are you sure that’s all it is?” Lee looked at Callum confused as to what he could mean. Callum had began to wonder if there was a little more to it than just guilt, “Maybe… you feel more for her than you’re willin to admit.”

“Nah!” Lee insisted. “I don’t do feelins mate. I’ll get over it in a few days. Just need to get passed the guilt and I can properly enjoy me self. Honestly I’ll be good in a few days.”

Callum nodded. He wasn’t sure he believed Lee but he knew there was no point trying to argue with him. It would more likely cause Lee to shut down further. “Alright, well you know I’m here if you wanna talk. But you’re probably right. Give it a couple of days and things might seem different.” After that they changed the subject and chatted idly about things that weren’t that important, eventually retiring to bed. Callum was actually quite happy to have taken a night off from going out and finding a new body to share his bed. He thought about his conversation with Lee and all of a sudden he was hit by a realisation. Not once had he felt guilt about having fun without Johnny. In fact he had barely given a thought to how Johnny was feeling. It made him wonder if this was telling him something about his relationship and how he felt towards him. As sad as it was, the fact that he didn’t feel any guilt spoke volumes to him. A sadness crept over him as he fell to sleep that night. Even though Johnny was the last person he thought of before sleeping, he wasn’t the man in his dreams that night. Once again a man with ocean eyes and a devilish grin floated freely around his mind.

Lee’s mood seemed a little brighter the following day, which in turn helped Callum feel more relaxed. The group had had another quiet day by pool, wanting to save their energy for the night out they’d planned later. As they all headed out later that evening, the atmosphere was positive and upbeat many jokes being shared and fun being poked at one another. By the time they’d reached their final destination of the evening, the effects of the alcohol had given Callum an extra buzz and lowered his inhibitions once again. He once again scanned the club looking for anyone who might pique his interests. It was amazing how he’d managed to fine tune his ability to spot gay men amongst the many straight, in such a short space of time. Before he’d always been fairly hopeless at it, not even realising Johnny was gay. In the short time he’d been away though, he seemed to have mastered the skill, maybe due to his newly discovered confidence. It didn’t take him long to find someone who caught his eye and before long he was giving the tall, dark-haired, dark-eyed man an alluring smile. Eventually he found himself dancing close to him, bodies teasing each other. It was while they were dancing, that the strobe lighting illuminated a familiar face on the other side of the dance floor. Vivid blue eyes, made even more striking by the light, stared at him, making his whole body tingle. It was almost like the sea of bodies in between them disappeared as their eyes met and they gazed intently at each other. Realising what he was doing, he suddenly snapped himself out of his trance as Ben nodded his head briefly acknowledging his presence. Callum quickly reciprocated the gesture before forcing himself to turn away and focus on the man he’d found tonight. He knew he couldn’t do repeat performances, it would only lead into dangerous territory. However, he couldn’t help but feel Ben’s eyes burning into the back of him and it definitely made his heart beat faster.

Not wanting to get drawn in further, he pulled the man in front of him closer and whispered in his ear, “Wanna get outta here?” His dance partner giving him an enthusiastic smile and nodding, before taking Callum’s hand and leading him off the dance floor. They were just about to head out of the door when Ben appeared again, stopping them both in their tracks.

“Word a warnin mate, make sure ya take precautions with this one…wish I had them maybe I wouldn’ta ended up with the problem I have,” Ben stated with a stern face before frantically scratching his groin area. Callum’s face turned bright red, he had no idea what Ben was talking about. He quickly turned to the man next to him, only to see his face screwed up in disgust and him stepping away from as if he had the plague.

“Oh my god! That’s gross!” he cried in horror. “What is wrong with you, sleepin around when you have god knows what?” His eyes quickly diverted from Callum back to Ben, who was obviously trying to stifle a laugh by squeezing his lips together and shaking his head. “Thanks for the tip mate. Hope you erm… get it sorted soon.” he said before quickly turning on his heel and marching back into the club.

Callum could feel his anger rising, “Outside now!” he barked at Ben, not wanting any further embarrassment by others overhearing. Once outside and in a place he was confident they were alone he ripped into him. “What the hell was that?” he yelled. Ben couldn’t hold it in any longer and began to laugh. “What you think this is funny? What is wrong with you?”

Ben realised Callum hadn’t seen the funny side, his face still glowing red but maybe more in anger than embarrassment. Stopping himself from laughing he began to try and explain himself. “Look I didn’t mean to embarrass you…”

“What?” Callum cut him off abruptly, “You think tellin people I have some sort of sexually transmitted disease wouldn’t do that? Are you for real?” Ben went to speak again but Callum was seething and wasn’t prepared to listen to his excuses. “You know full well that we were safe that night and I can assure you I’m clean as a whistle so whatever you’ve managed to catch, it weren’t from me! How dare you?”

“God you’re hot when you’re angry!” Ben quipped biting his lower lip seductively as he gazed at Callum. Callum was completely taken aback by his comment, shaking his head at the incredulous cheek of the man. Although he couldn’t deny the fact that the man had called him hot, whilst looking at him in that way, had increased his pulse rate even further. “Look for the record I ain’t actually got anythin, was just tryin to find a way to put that bloke off,” he stated pointing towards his groin before holding his hands up. “I’m sorry alright, maybe shouldn’ta said that.” Ben said tilting his head from side to side and sucking in his lips.

“No you damn well shouldn’t!” Callum spat at him. “What is your problem?”

“Well at the moment. I’m quite horny and the guy I was hopin could help me out with that is a bit pissed off with me.” Ben said curling his lips up into a smile.

Callum felt his anger dissipate when Ben smiled at him. He couldn’t deny that he found this man charming, despite the audacity he displayed. His confidence made him even more alluring. “Thought you didn’t do repeat performances?” he finally responded dryly.

Ben raised his eyebrows, “As a rule I don’t, but couldn’t seem to find a better option tonight,” he shrugged, “Looks like you ain’t got many options yourself either.”

“No thanks to you!” Callum huffed.

“Come on. You know you’ll have a good time. Seemed like you were enjoying yourself the other night. Better than goin home alone!” Ben asserted with a gruff edge to his voice that Callum found arousing.

“Think a lot of yourself don’t you?” Callum scoffed shaking his head. Although he knew deep down Ben was right.

“Gotta back yourself ain’t you!” Ben grinned “And I ain’t received any complaints so far.” Callum let his guard down finally and chuckled a little before Ben continued. “What d’ya say to round two? No strings. No feelings. Just uncomplicated fun.”

Callum gulped, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. It broke all the rules he set himself, but he also felt he couldn’t say no. There was no denying how much he wanted Ben. “Okay,” he muttered. 

Ben beamed knowing he’d got exactly what he wanted. “Back to yours?” he asked. Callum just nodded, a small grin appearing on his face. They began to walk back to the villa but instead of the silence they’d had on their previous journey there, Ben tried to engage in playful sparring, “I’ll have to find a way to get you all riled up on the way back. Then we can find a good outlet for all that frustration!” Ben winked at him.

Callum licked his lips as he looked up and down Ben’s body. “Sure you’ll think of a way. You seem to have a natural talent for windin me up.”

“Definitely have a knack for getting somethin of yours up!” Ben flirted unashamedly. Callum shook his head but quickened the pace of his stride, eager to get Ben back into his bed.

When they reached the villa it didn’t take long for clothes to be discarded and bodies to become entwined. Once again Callum couldn’t believe how natural it felt. Both him and Ben seemed to be in perfect synchronicity, knowing exactly what the other needed to reach the ultimate high. Their bodies seemed to fit together perfectly and although it was only a physical connection, Callum had never felt a spark like this before. From the sounds and curses Ben was making, he was sure it felt the same for him. Afterwards they lay next to each other, both breathless but sated from their energetic endeavours. They’d been so caught up in the throws of passion they’d completely missed the fact that a horrendous storm was raging outside. Once they regained their breath, they lay there listening to the persistent downpour, which was only broken by roars of thunder and flashes of lightning.

After a few moments of quiet, Callum broke the silence. “Hope that helped, ease that nasty itch you seemed to have earlier!” he quipped.

Ben chuckled. “Definitely did that! What about you? Release some of that tension you had earlier?”

“Mmm!” Callum purred with the delight he felt. Closing his eyes for a second, he felt so relaxed he could drift off to sleep. Then he realised he couldn’t let that happen. He turned to look across at Ben who had also closed his eyes, looking peaceful. “Erm. Probably don’t fancy walkin in this. D’you wanna call a cab?” Callum suggested as he sat up against the headboard.

“Seriously?” Ben whined immediately opening his eyes and glaring up at Callum. “Ya gonna kick me out into that? I’ll catch me death!”

“We can call you a cab, so you don’t have to walk!” Callum’s proposal seemed logical to him.

“D’ya have any numbers? Cos I don’t and how’s your Spanish cos I know how to ask for a beer or a blow job, but not that sure that will help us here.” Ben was clearly not on board with the suggestion. Thinking logically Callum knew he was right.

“Fine!” he huffed, “But keep to your side of the bed. Don’t do snuggling.”

Ben scoffed “Do I look like I’m the cuddlin type?” his distain towards Callum’s comment obvious. “I can make it worth your while lettin me stay though,” he said seductively raising his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah!” Callum felt a sense of arousal gripping him once again. Before he knew it Ben was on him, touching, kissing and licking his body, trailing from his neck down to his thighs. Callum was powerless to resist, succumbing to the desire he felt for this man. After another passionate session, where both reached a thrilling climax, they eventually fell asleep next to each other. Facing away from each other and not touching, ensuring a distance was kept between them, both fell into a soothing sleep. For Callum knowing he could lie next to someone without feeling the pressure to show affection actually made him feel the most at ease as he ever had about sharing a bed with someone. It was one of the best nights sleep he’d had in while.

As the sun crept through the gap in the curtains, Callum slowly began to stir. He had no idea what time it was but he felt refreshed from a good nights sleep. He rolled over onto his back and it was then as his head turned, he remembered he was not alone. The memories of the previous night’s exploits came flooding back. His aching body serving as a physical reminder of the new things he’d experienced the night before. Ben was still sound asleep and breathing heavily. Callum found himself watching him, he couldn’t ignore the fact in this state he looked glorious. Once he realised what he was doing, he turned his head away immediately, not allowing himself to let any lingering gaze cloud his brain. He got out of bed, trying not to disturb him before heading into the bathroom. Hoping turning on the shower might rouse Ben and begin the process of him leaving, he decided to hop in and remove the remnants of last night from his body. As the water cascaded over his body, he began to wake up even more. All of a sudden a sharp coolness hit his back and he realised that door to the shower had been opened. He turned to see Ben standing there naked, looking him up and down and licking his lips salaciously. “Now that’s a view to wake up to!” he said raising his eyebrows and leering over Callum. Before he could respond Ben was stepping him in to join him.

“What you doin?” Callum asked surprised by the sudden intrusion.

Ben just smirked at him “Told you I’d make it worth ya while lettin me stay!” and with that pushed Callum against the wall and sunk to his knees. Callum threw his head back against the wall, waves of pleasure washing over him. After he‘d reached his high and regained his composure, he gave Ben a helping hand to ensure he did the same.

Once both men had been satisfied and cleansed they got out of the shower and began to get dressed ready for the day. Callum felt awkward, it wasn’t like he’s been in this situation before and he wasn’t sure what to say or do. He kept glancing at Ben furtively as he dressed. Every time their eyes met he dipped his head in embarrassment. Ben clearly picked up on his tension. “So what’s the story with you?” he asked tentatively.

“What d’ya mean?” Callum replied with slight confusion.

“Well it’s clear you’re here to have a good time…but,” he paused looking at Callum curiously, “I’m sensing you’re a bit on edge. Like this kinda thing ain’t somethin you’re used to.”

Callum was a little dumbstruck. This man had managed to see through the confident façade he’d tried to create. He wondered whether he was being to obvious or whether the guy had amazing intuition. He looked at him for a moment thinking about how to answer the question. Part of him wanted to put a mask on and maintain an air of conviction. Then it hit him there was little point Ben had already seen through it once and it didn’t matter what he thought. He didn’t mean anything to him so his judgment was irrelevant. Deciding to be honest he replied openly. “Yeh well it ain’t really. Let’s just say I’m tryin somethin different.”

Ben nodded as if he understood but then couldn’t seem to stop himself asking for more. “What kinda different thing you tryin?”

Callum shook his head and looked to the ceiling. Trying to think how he could answer it without making an utter fool of himself. Again he just decided to be frank, “Well I’ve always been a relationship kinda guy and…let’s just say it ain’t done me any favours. So I thought I’d try a different approach. Just take a chance, let go, have some fun. No feelings, no strings, just enjoy the here and now for once. Try new things, take a few risks. See if there’s more to life you know?”

Ben nodded sympathetically. “I get it. How’s it workin out for ya so far?” he asked tilting his head with a smirk.

“Bin alright I guess.” Callum shrugged before smiling. “I mean there’s some mediocre experiences, but the occasional mind blowing ones.”

“I hope I’m in that latter group!” Ben quizzed.

“Couldn’t possibly say!” Callum replied with a smirk. Both men then let out a small chuckle. Before looking at each other shyly. Callum noticed a change in Ben’s expression, his face looked as if he was deep in thought all of a sudden. It wasn’t long before Callum learned what he was thinking.

“Okay. I have an idea for you.” Ben began to explain his thoughts. “You’re after some no strings fun right and well that’s all I’m ever interested in.” Callum’s eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what the point Ben was trying to make was. Ben explained further. “Well don’t know about you but it’s bin a while since I’ve had sex as good as we have…so what about a little arrangement while you’re here.” Callum looked confused. “How long you here for?” Ben asked.

Callum was surprised by the suggestion, still unsure of what Ben was actually asking of him, “Another three and a half weeks but…”

Ben cut him off before he could speak further. “Great, well about we just hook up for the next few weeks. Save goin out scouting for someone to bring back, you can go out have a good time and then meet me and we shag each other’s brains out. No feelings, no awkward goodbyes after, no mediocre performances. Just purely awesome sex. What d’ya say?”

Callum was stunned, this wasn’t what he was expecting. “I dunno,” he began to reply, before once again being cut off by Ben.

“Look it ain’t like we’re gonna end up fallin for each other is it? We don’t know nothin about each other and it ain’t like we need to. You’ll be gone in a month and we can forget about it,” Ben looked at him flirtatiously, “But in the meantime we can just have fun. Purely sexual, no talking, no deep and meaninfuls, no holding hands or cuddling. Just awesome sex. Believe me I’m open to tryin new things and would be willin to let you test stuff out on me. I’m up for pretty much anythin!” he growled in a low alluring voice that had Callum’s heart racing and groin stirring. He picked up Callum’s phone from the bedside table and began typing into it. “Look I’ll give you my number. Have a think about it and if you’re up for it text me later yeah.” He handed the phone back to Callum and held his gaze. “I’ll be more than happy to be of service if you so desire!” Callum almost jumped on him again there and then. He had never met anyone who’s tone of voice was so sexy. Callum was more than captivated. He took his phone and nodded, trying to maintain his composure and not give Ben too much of the upper hand. 

He cleared his throat before he spoke again, trying not to let any of the lust he felt, show through in his voice. “Well I’ll see you out then,” he said quietly and pointed for Ben to follow him out. None of the other lads were around and he was glad, reducing his chance of any further humiliation.

He opened the door and Ben leant in to whisper in his ear. “Hope to hear from you later Loverboy!” His hot breath against Callum’s neck gave him goosebumps all over, he couldn’t deny the affect he had on him. Ben breezed passed him and out into road. Callum watched him walk away briefly before closing the door. He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as he leaned his back up against the door. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he was left to ponder the offer Ben had given him. Was taking him up on it really worth the risk? Or would the real risk be refusing him?


	5. Taking Risks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again a huge thank you to anyone that read, commented or left kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean lot to me to know people are enjoying the story. 
> 
> Again I apologise if I have made any errors.  
> I do proof read but miss them occasionally. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy the next part :-)

After letting Ben out, Callum made his way to the kitchen to grab himself some breakfast, although it was more like lunchtime. His mind and body felt like they were buzzing with excitement. Ben had definitely managed to get adrenaline flowing through him in more ways than one. More than anyone ever had before. He couldn’t deny the offer he made him had thrilled him greatly. It was so tempting. He knew everything Ben said was right, he would be guaranteeing himself weeks of amazing sex. The prospect of being able to experiment also electrified him. Knowing he could explore new things with someone willing, who wouldn’t judge, who he would never have to see again once it was over, felt exhilarating. However he couldn’t help the niggling doubt that he had, that it was breaking all the rules he had set. It could be dangerous to cross the boundaries he’d put in place to protect himself. It was a big risk. However he knew it may be one too tempting for him to refuse. He was distracted with his own thoughts he didn’t even notice Lee entering the room or that he was trying to talk to him.

“Earth to Callum!” Lee called out after receiving no response from his friend.

Callum immediately snapped himself out of his thoughts to acknowledge his friend. “Sorry mate, was miles away.”

“I can tell. You okay?” Lee asked mildly concerned for his friends state.

“Yeh…Yeh I’m good. You?” Callum replied trying hard to convince Lee.

“Yeh all good here. Did you have a good night?” Lee asked with a grin which suggested he already knew the answer.

Callum breathed deeply and smiled. “It was alright,” he answered trying hard to sound casual.

Lee chuckled, “Well I’d say from the noises comin from your room last night it was more than alright!” he held his fingers up and made air quotes at the last word.

Callum buried his head in his hands in shame. He hadn’t realised how loud he and Ben had been. At the time he didn’t really care, too wrapped up in the moment to consider anything or anyone else. “Oh God! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry mate! I’m pleased your enjoying yourself.” Lee tried to reassure him. “Explains why you can’t even think straight this mornin, if your brain was all shagged out last night!”

“And this morning!” Callum admitted almost embarrassed but actually feeling quite proud of himself.

“Mate!” Lee commended him with a fist pump. “If I’d have put money on who’d have the most luck this holiday, I wouldn’ta been backin you. No offence!”

Callum just laughed. “None taken! I wouldn’ta picked me either.”

“Proper little dark horse eh?” Lee again chuckled. Callum couldn’t believe that he was having so much luck. Especially in finding someone like Ben to share his bed with. Not only was he one of the sexiest men he thought he’d ever laid eyes on, but the nights he’d had with him had given him pleasure he’d never thought possible. Thinking about it made him smile but then also reminded him of the proposal Ben had given him. He was conflicted about it still, he didn’t know what to do, but he thought talking to Lee might help.

“Mate can I ask your advice about somethin?” Callum asked nervously. Lee just nodded. “Well the guy I was with last night. It’s kinda the second time we’ve hooked up.”

“Oh right! The guy who was the best you’ve ever had?” Lee remembered the conversation from the other day.

“Yeh. Well…he kinda made me an offer. Basically said we could hook up every night, while I’m here. No strings, no feelings just sex. Said I could just go out have fun, then instead of worryin about pullin, just meet up with him.” Callum still couldn’t get his head around the idea of it all.

Lee screwed up his face a little. “I dunno mate. What if he gets too attached? Starts to fall for you or somethin.”

Callum scoffed at that idea, “That’s doubtful, he doesn’t even do kissin…well at least not on the mouth!” Lee grimaced at that thought, not really wanting to hear details of his best friends sexual exploits. “Sorry, I just mean he was very upfront about it just bein sex he was offerin. There’s no way a guy like him is gonna fall for anyone, especially someone like me.” For a second Callum thought about the kind of man that would be able to make Ben fall for him. Thinking he would have to be someone very special and Callum didn’t think that he fitted the bill. He shook his head before he continued. “Anyway… He also offered to let me experiment a bit with him. Try things I normally wouldn’t.” Lee’s mouth fell open, clearly surprised by the nature of the conversation. Callum felt a little awkward admitting this to Lee but continued anyway, desperate for someone else’s perspective. “I’m just not sure it’s the right way to go.”

Lee took a moment gather his thoughts before he spoke. “Okay, well on the one hand it sounds perfect. No strings and guaranteed sex every night, with erm… possible added extras. But can I ask you somethin and you need to be honest about this.” Callum nodded before Lee continued. “Do you like him? I mean on a non-physical way?”

Callum thought for a second, so far their interactions had been mainly physical. That connection had been explosive, probably the most intense that Callum had had with anyone, but it had only been physical. He knew nothing about Ben, apart from his name and where he worked. How could he possibly like him on any other level, when he knew so little about him? “I don’t know anythin about him. It’s purely physical.”

“Well in that case…maybe it would be worth a go. As long as it stays that way and you’re both up front with each other, then it can’t do any harm. It’s only gonna be for a couple of weeks ain’t it.” Lee’s reasoning seemed to make perfect sense. “Not like you’re gonna have him hangin round afterwards. Easy to move on.” It all sounded so simple. All Callum had to do was keep him at arms length and enjoy him on a purely physical level. It wasn’t like he had to even get to know him beyond that. This could be the easy ride he’d been hoping for. It was definitely a risk worth takin. After all what could go wrong?

Deciding to text Ben later, not wanting to seem to eager, he decided to change the subject and focus on enjoying the day. “How was your night anyway?” he asked Lee changing the subject.

“D’ya know what it was good? I actually decided not to pull and just enjoy havin a laugh with the lads. Only Gaz pulled in the end.” Callum raised his eyebrows surprised by the revelation. “What?” Lee noted the change in his expression and went on to explain himself. “Just figured that until I stopped feelin guilty about Whit, there was no point shaggin someone else. No point if I ain’t gonna enjoy it is there.”

“Wow!” Callum stated with sarcasm. “Who are you and what you done with Lee?” he joked.

“Shut up!” Lee huffed. “I’m sure I’ll be over it in a few days. Never taken me long to get over a woman…but maybe until then I’ll try a different approach too. Feel better for it actually.” Callum smiled and did acknowledge that his friend seemed more at ease today. Maybe he did just need a bit of time and perspective to move on. Callum felt like they both had made decisions that would help them move forward, both trying a different approach to things. He was excited to see what the next few weeks could bring for both of them.

The day flew by in the blink of an eye. Before he knew it Callum and the group were eating dinner making plans for the evening ahead. Callum had yet to text Ben, not wanting to appear to eager. He was very worried he could give Ben too much power in this situation and he was determined not to let that happen. Sitting looking at his phone, whilst the others finished eating, Callum contemplated what to type in his message. In a way he was glad it was able to accept his offer without being face to face. That way he was hoping he could maintain the air of being casual about it, rather than Ben being able to see how anxious and excited he felt by it. Eventually he settled on saying as little as possible.

**_Hey it’s Callum. Still up for meeting up later?_ **

****

Callum made his way upstairs to get ready to head out. As he stood in the shower, he had vivid flashbacks of being in there with Ben that morning. Once again he couldn’t shake the arousal he felt and it wasn’t long before he took himself in hand to satisfy his desire. He couldn’t believe how much his sexual appetite had increased over the last few days. Especially when thinking of or being around Ben. It was like he’d lit some sort of fire in Callum, one that had never burned before. The anticipation of what could come next thrilled him beyond belief. He just hoped the flames didn’t get out of control. On returning to his bedroom he noticed he had a new notification on his phone. He couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth curling up into a grin when he saw who it was from.

**_Oh I’m definitely up for it. Meet you at yours 1:30ish? You’ll be able to see how up for it I am then ;-)_ **

****

Callum loved how direct Ben was. There was no confusion about what he wanted and the fact that it was him made his body heat up. Making sure he chose an outfit that showed off his assets, he wore his black skinny jeans and a fitted white t- shirt. Hoping when Ben saw him later that night, it had the desired affect. Whilst he was out, he did notice he had drawn the attention of a couple of guys but he chose to ignore it. Although the attention was flattering and gave him confidence, it was nice to know he didn’t need to look out for anything more. Him and Lee were both able to enjoy themselves, drink, dance and joke around. Callum kept a conscious eye on the time though, not wanting to be late for his rendezvous. As the time neared him and Lee both left the club and walked back to the Villa. Lee made himself scarce, not wanting to intrude on Callum’s fun. Before long, he heard a sharp knock on the door and he knew who would be waiting on the other side.

“Hey!” Ben greeted looking Callum up and down before eventually meeting his eyes. Callum’s outfit had clearly had the desired affect, Ben biting his lip speaking volumes.

“Hey yourself!” he responded trying hard to sound relaxed, although his want was threatening to give him away.

“Decided to take me up on my offer then?” Ben raised his eyebrows, smirking.

Callum smiled and nodded, “Well, when it’s put on a plate for you, you gotta eat it up ain’t ya!” He then blushed, his attempts at flirting weren’t exactly smooth.

Ben chewed his bottom lip and his eyes darkened. “That what you wanna do is it?” he questioned. “Eat me up!”

Callum blushed even more at that, a little out of embarrassment, a little from the heat that pooled in his stomach. Gulping, he stared into Ben’s increasingly darkening eyes, “Maybe I could try swallowing you whole!” Callum wasn’t sure where his confidence came from around Ben, but it had the desired affect. Ben grabbed his hand and dragged him upstairs. Within minutes they had shed their clothes and were exploring each other’s bodies, both caught up in immense rapture. After spending hours wrapped up in each other, pleasuring each other and reaching mutual highs over and over they eventually fell asleep. Lying next to but not facing each other, both fully sated and exhausted from their exploits.

The next morning Callum awoke to see Ben lying next to him. He looked so peaceful. It was different to how he seemed when he was awake. He looked younger and more innocent, not the brash, confident man that Callum saw during their nights together. He found himself wondering what hidden depths this man had. Realising he was allowing his thoughts to run into dangerous territory, he averted his gaze away. He couldn’t let himself think about what layers Ben had underneath the surface. Their relationship was purely physical and he couldn’t let himself be drawn into anything else. Instead he decided to focus on what their relationship actually was. Purely sexual. With that thought, he decided to wake Ben in a way he knew he would appreciate. Ben was shocked by the intrusion on his body, but he didn’t complain. Allowing Callum to use his body as he wished and enjoy the way he was being woken up. Once again proving that Callum allowing Ben to stay over, was definitely worthwhile. When it was over and they both had got what they wanted from each other, they cleaned up and got dressed. Agreeing to meet again later, they said their goodbyes and Ben headed home. It was as Callum watched him walk away he realised he didn’t even know where Ben’s home was. He knew so little about him yet he desired him so much. Taking a deep breath, he realised that maybe he would never know anything about him and that was okay. He didn’t need to know anything to enjoy being with him. It was unfamiliar territory, but one he was quite keen to explore.

Over the next few nights that’s what Callum did, enjoying discovering not only the new territory of Ben but unearthing things about himself he didn’t know existed. With Ben he was confident in trying new things, not only at Ben’s suggestion but also asking himself. It was like he’d been awakened for the first time and he finally felt alive; knowing more about who he was and what he wanted. Their relationship had remained solely physical, very little conversation passed between them. Words were unnecessary for the most part, they both knew what they wanted from each. The only words that were needed were utterances of enjoyment in the realms of pleasure they’d found or expression of things they desired to do with each other. Maybe that’s why Callum felt so at ease with Ben, he wasn’t pretending to be anything he wasn’t or doing things he didn’t want to do to make someone else happy. It was the first time in his life he felt like he was being purely motivated by his own needs and it was liberating. Ben seemed equally happy with their arrangement. It was as if he got some kind of thrill from helping Callum learn knew things about himself and teaching him a few new tricks. Not that he was just a passive participant in their exploits, he was vocal in expressing his needs and desires to Callum. The fact that he seemed to want Callum as much as Callum wanted him, only fuelled Callum’s confidence; putting him even more at ease with their arrangement. It felt perfect.

Perhaps that’s why it resulted in Callum also ending up doing something else he’d never really done before. Callum had woken up one morning to find himself with his body pressed to Ben’s. Whilst his chest was pressed tightly into his back, his arms draped over him as his hands rested against his chest. Their legs were also curved against each other and Callum’s chin lay gently against Ben’s shoulder. As Callum roused himself slowly, he soon realised that unconsciously he’d spooned Ben in his slumber. When he realised what was happening, he was shocked and confused. It appeared from what he could see that he had initiated it. Ben was in the usual position he slept in and it was Callum who had seemingly found his was over to Ben’s side of the bed. He didn’t understand how or why he would have done it. The only times he’d been in this position before were when Chris or Johnny had settled into him and even then he would break away at the earliest opportunity. Yet here he was, lying as close to Ben as he could possibly be, seemingly having lay there for hours if the numbness in his arm told him anything. His cheeks flushed and he soon felt his temperature increase with embarrassment. Immediately, he tried to move away without disturbing Ben; hoping that he wouldn’t notice what Callum had done. However when he tried to move his arm, he felt and instant tug on it, holding it firmly in place. This blindsided him a little. Ben had insisted he wasn’t the cuddling kind when he’d first stayed the night but here he was clearly wanting Callum to hold the position. Callum froze unsure of what to do, knowing that moving more forcefully would wake Ben, but not moving would lead to Ben waking up in his arms. He wasn’t sure which option was the better risk to take, both had the potential to leading to him being mortified. The decision was taken out of his hands when Ben stirred a moment later.

“Didn’t think you did snugglin?” Ben’s voice gruff, clear indication that he had only just woken.

He felt unusually awkward around Ben, not sure how to respond. Eventually he began to try and explain it, though he wasn’t sure he knew what had occurred. He quickly retreated to the own side of his bed, breaking any contact he had with Ben. “Erm I’m not normally…I don’t know what happened. Must’ve drifted over in my sleep. Sorry!” he almost whispered attempting to hide his utter shame. Although the flushing of his cheeks were an obvious sign of the ill ease he felt about the situation.

“S’alright,” Ben replied. “I didn’t really mind.” Ben rolled onto his back and looked up at Callum. “Probably the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while.” For a moment they looked at each other intently. The air between them became thick, eventually Ben broke their face and looked away. “Can’t help what you do in your sleep can you?” He mumbled with a blatant air of discomfort in his voice.

Callum wondered if this was uncharted ground for Ben too. “Guess it’s another new thing we’re tryin out?” he suggested with no conviction whatsoever.

Ben just chuckled breathily, “Maybe you’re right.” He shrugged not really having any answers either. “Best not overthink it yeh!” Callum nodded in agreement. “Though…” Ben added smirking at Callum, “I think if I’m waking up to your hand on me, it should be pressed against somethin other than my chest. Little lower maybe.”

Callum smiled widely, “Mmmm, like this you mean?” His hands found his way towards Ben’s groin. Ben moaned in appreciation and within seconds any tension had gone and they fell into a more familiar and satisfying rhythm of enjoying each other’s bodies. Both putting the intimacy they’d woken up with out of their mind and focusing on their primal urges instead.

Later that day when Ben had long left, Callum couldn’t help think about waking up they way they had. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, he couldn’t remember ever waking up like that with anyone before. Even when Chris or Johnny had initiated cuddling in bed, Callum had always managed to wake up in his own space. Occasionally he’d ended up on his back with them draping an arm or leg on him, but he’d never stay there for long. Another thing he couldn’t fathom, was Ben’s reaction. Although, he was clearly just as uncomfortable as Callum, he also had seemingly slept well and grabbed at Callum to keep him in place. Almost as if he was happy for him to be holding him. The constant wrestling with his musings had left him feeling exhausted. He decided he needed to get out of his own head and distract himself.

“Fancy getting completely smashed tonight?” he called out to Lee, who was just heading in from the pool.

“Everythin alright?” Lee answered questioningly.

Callum didn’t want to talk about all the nonsense that had been filling his head. “Yeh, just fancy a really good session tonight.”

Lee seemed to take Callum’s word for it. “You’re on! I’ll just go and get ready.” Callum smiled and followed him going to get ready himself. He hoped that going out with Lee help him forget about the embarrassment and stop him from overthinking everything, like he always did. Hopefully, it would help remember that all of this was a meaningless fling and that what had happened that morning had meant nothing. It sounded convincing when he thought it to himself, that’s what he needed to believe anyway.

Clearing his mind was the object of the evening and by the time they’d reached the final bar of the evening, Callum felt the evening was a success. After the last few shots, he’d lost count of how many they’d had; all he was doing was laughing at Lee who was in an equally inebriated state. Any thoughts that had been troubling him earlier in the day, had been washed away with alcohol and once again he felt happy and relaxed. They thought it was a good idea to try a club to finish off the night, but had been refused entry when Lee stumbled into doorman. Instead they settled for agreed to head home, both attempting to hold each other up. As they were walking Callum felt his phone buzz. When he looked at the screen he realised what time it was and that he should be meeting Ben soon. There rendezvous had completely slipped his mind. Ben had text to see if he was back home yet. Callum tried to type a response but he was finding the keys blurred into one. He was hoping that he’d managed to type he was on his way back now and would see him soon, although he couldn’t be sure that’s what he actually said. When him and Lee eventually got back to the Villa, they were still very much worse for wear. Both of them stumbling up the driveway and swaying side to side as they clung to each other for dear life. As they neared, Callum saw Ben sitting in the step waiting for him. Ben stood up, quickly and put his arms out to stop Callum from falling up the steps.

He began to chuckle as he saw the state he was in, “That explains a few things.”

“What d’you mean?” Callum slurred as he tried to stand up and steady himself, falling backwards down the steps and into Lee who went tumbling backwards and onto his backside. Callum turned and try to help his friend up but only ended up being pulled down to the ground with him.

Ben once again couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the pair of them as he went to help them both up. “I mean the state you’re in explains why it took so long for you to get back and the random text I got.” Callum eyebrows knitted together in confusion, in his mind it hadn’t taken them that long to get back and the message he sent made perfect sense. Ben just shook his head smiling, “I wondered what the hell, _In my wag nor sew your spoon_ , was meant to mean. Come on let’s get you two inside and to bed, before you do any proper damage to yourselves.” He pulled them both up one by one and then walked behind them placing a shoulder on each of them to try and help keep them stable.

“I…am perfectly fine.” Lee stated in a faux sophisticated accent. “I don’t need any help!” he said before almost walking straight into the door.

“Course not!” Ben scoffed pulling at his collar before guiding both men through the door. Unsure of which room was Lee’s, he deposited him on the sofa in the lounge, before placing Callum’s arm around his shoulder and guiding him upstairs. Once in the room Ben let go of Callum to close the door. Callum staggered into the room, before unceremoniously falling face first onto the bed. All of a sudden he sensed Ben was looking over at him from the foot of the bed.

“Good night was it?” he giggled, clearly amused by the state Callum was in.

“S’been am…a…zing.” Callum said rolling over onto his side. “Although it could get better!” he said attempting to wink suggestively but just ended up blinking comically. Then he attempted to lean his head on his arm seductively and rub the duvet with his other hand. “Fancy joinin me gorgeous!” Unfortunately he wasn’t in control of his body and as he tried to pat the bed he lost his balance and ended up rolling off the edge of the bed crashing to the floor. Ben rushed around to check he was ok as Callum tried to pull himself up back onto the bed, attempting to seem cool, but failing miserably.

Ben continued to laugh as he helped Callum get back onto the bed. “Don’t think we’ll quite manage that, the shape you’re in.” Callum frowned at him but he knew we was right. At best in his current state his performance would be mediocre. “Think you’d be best sleepin it off,” Ben sighed.

Callum let out a deep breath and huffed, “Fine…Take it you’re off if there ain’t nothin doin for you tonight?”

“That’d probably be best!” Ben said quietly, “Just use the bog on me way out.” Callum just nodded and lay his head back on his pillow. That was the last thing he remembered of that night. Ben went into the bathroom and emerged just a few minutes later. Taking a look at Callum on the bed, still fully clothed, he felt like he couldn’t just leave him like that. Carefully he began to undress him, moving his shoes and socks first, before removing his jeans and t-shirt. Callum flinched a few times but didn’t rouse from his deep sleep. Ben couldn’t help admire his body, almost unwilling to place the bed sheets over him. Once he had got Callum in bed and as comfortable as he possibly could, he took one last look at him sleeping soundly. He knew he should probably leave and catch up with Callum the next day, but for some reason he couldn’t. Thinking to himself that it must be just his desire to be satisfied taking over, knowing if he stayed it would happen in the morning. Instead he removed his own clothes and climbed into bed next to him, ensuring his intrusion didn’t disturb Callum. Settling in a position that kept a reasonable distance between them, not wanting to risk a repeat of the position he’d found himself in that morning. It didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep either. Both men breathing deeply and in synchronicity, even in slumber their bodies had an inexplicable connection. Neither aware of it at that moment but both feeling a sense of peace at lying next to each other. It didn’t take long for Callum to move in his sleep, his body unconsciously seeking out the warmth of Ben’s. Ben’s body welcoming the comfort of Callum’s unconsciously. Before long their bodies were once again entwined. Not in the sexual sense they had both enjoyed many times in the week since they had first met, but this time in a soothing, intimate way that neither had really wanted or expected. However it appeared they may no longer have control over what was to happen.


	6. Breaking Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who read, commented or left kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to hear people are enjoying the story. 
> 
> Once again I apologise for any mistakes I’ve missed whilst proof reading. 
> 
> *TW mentions of homophobic language in this chapter. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy the story :-)

The effects of the previous night were taking their toll on Callum, even before he opened his eyes the next morning. It felt like someone was repeatedly hitting his head with a hammer from the inside, whilst he was on a waltzer. There was a severe pain at the back of eyes, which he feared would get more intense the second he opened them and the sunlight hit him. As he inhaled deeply, he realised he must still be intoxicated as the familiar scent of Ben’s aftershave filled his nose. There was a warmth radiating from a body he felt curled up against him, while his legs were entangled with someone else’s. At first he thought he was in the midst of an alcohol induced dream, then he felt it. A thumb gently circling his own and he knew the feeling was very much real.

His fingers were interlinked with those of another’s hand. Ben’s hand. He was almost afraid to open his eyes, scared that once again he’d unconsciously let his guard down and sought out Ben for more than they’d agreed. A few moments passed, Callum not moving or opening his eyes, trying to remember what happened last night and how he could have possibly ended up in this position again. The alcohol had clearly erased his memory though, all he had was a vague recollection of Ben helping him upstairs and saying he was leaving. He had no clue how they’d both ended up undressed and snuggled together under the covers. Let alone if they’d actually had sex last night. He hoped not, the last thing he wanted was an unmemorable sexual encounter that could put Ben off him. It had been amazing every time so far and he just hoped that any drunken fumbling hadn’t ruined that. Just then he felt Ben stir and shuffle against him. Callum felt awkward so he pretended to still be asleep. Hoping that if he let Ben take the lead on dealing with the situation, he might not make himself look like a complete fool again.

To his astonishment Ben gently stroked his arm, in an obvious gesture to try and rouse him. If he’d have pushed him off him or tried to untangle himself carefully, Callum wouldn’t have surprised. This response however, just confused him even more. He opened his eyes slowly, and looked down towards Ben, rolling onto his back and allowing Ben the freedom to move himself. Ben turned to face him leaning on his arm. “Mornin,” he muttered quietly, “How’s the head?”

Callum presses his hand to his head and rubbed it firmly. “Not good!”

Ben just chuckled, “Can’t say I’m surprised the state you were in.”

“Did we...? You know!” Callum looked away from Ben trying to hide his embarrassment at not remembering.

Ben just shook his head and tried to contain his smile, “Mate you could barely hold yourself up, let alone get anythin else up.” Ben raised his eyebrows before smiling widely.

Callum moved his other hand to join his face, rubbing forcefully as if to try and removed the shame. “Sorry!” he mumbled from behind his hands. “Why d’you stay?” Callum was confused as to how they’d ended up as they had if they hadn’t even had sex. He dropped his hands briefly to look at Ben, who now looked a little flushed and embarrassed.

Ben cleared his throat before he spoke. “Well…erm it was late, quite a long way back to mine…” it was clear he was looking for the reasons himself, if the expression on his face was anything to go by. He changed tact quickly, “And…well I kinda thought, if I wasn’t gonna get any action last night, I might stick around to see if I could get some this mornin.” He chewed his bottom lip as he looked at Callum, who now felt a stirring in his boxer shorts at Ben’s words. His mouth went dry as his arousal began to grow. It was then he realised what an awful taste he had in his mouth. Although they didn’t kiss on the mouth, the thought that Ben might get a brief whiff of his breath as they got closer, was not something that Callum relished.

“Give me five minutes to freshen up and take somethin for this head and I’ll be all yours.” Callum pulled himself off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

“Ooh I like the sound of that.” Ben growled. “But take your time! Make it worthwhile me stayin!” Callum just nodded and he stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind him. He let out a deep breath, trying to calm himself and help clear his mind. Ben had seemed to completely ignore the fact that they’d once again woken up in each other’s arms. Callum wasn’t sure what to make of it all, he wondered if he was making too big a deal out of it. Ben didn’t seem that worried about it, even it was breaking one of the rules they’d set. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he slowly walked towards the sink and turned the tap on. He splashed cool water on his face to try and wake himself up a bit, before cleaning his teeth. He then found the paracetamol he’d stashed in the cupboard and swallowed them down. His head was still pounding and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to satisfy the expectant Ben, in his current state. Even if the tent in his underwear suggested otherwise. Eventually, after drinking a few more sips of water and feeling a little more clear he headed back onto the bedroom. The sight before him on the bed was one to behold. Ben had stripped completely naked and was laying on his side resting his head on his arm with one hand while rubbing the bed with the other. Callum was oblivious to the fact that he was mimicking his actions from the previous night, unable to think about anything but the glorious vision on his bed.

“Come here,” Ben insisted softly. Callum climbed on the bed and crawled towards him. When he reached Ben, he was pushed onto his back as Ben hovered above him. “I realise you might be feeling slightly delicate, but I have a great cure for a hangover.” Ben’s eyes had darkened, clearly he’d been contemplating this while Callum was in the bathroom. “Let me sort you out. Promise I’ll be gentle.” He whispered in Callum’s ear as he buried his face into Callum’s neck. Callum was powerless to resist and surrendered himself completely to Ben. All confusion and embarrassment fading away as pure desire took over his mind. It seemed that Ben knew just how to distract Callum from his own head and Callum was happy to let him.

Ben’s alternative cure for a hangover proved quite successful. Callum’s head still felt very fuzzy but the tension he’d woken up with had dissipated. Lying there next to each other, panting and sweating, exhausted from their exertions, both men tried to catch their breath. After a few minutes, when they both seemed to have come back to earth Ben looked across at Callum. “Feel better?” he asked.

“Much!” Callum smile, he rolled into his side to face Ben. Looking across it him reminded him of how they’d woken up. He knew he probably shouldn’t bring it up and just ignore it, but he knew it was going to keep niggling at him until he did. “Can I ask you somethin?” he mumbled coyly. Ben turned to face him sensing the nervousness in his voice. He nodded gently. “How did we end up like we did again this mornin? I mean both of us don’t normally do that, but it’s happened twice now and this time we didn’t even shag first.”

Ben chewed the inside of his cheek before sucking his top lip, it was clear he’d also been thinking about it. Eventually he gave a small shrug, “I dunno…if I’m honest…it’s been a bit weird for me too.” Callum looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction to the situation and seeing he was clearly uneasy about it too. “I guess I just figured,” Ben continued, “That we’ve got this thing going where physically we’re not holdin back from each other right.” Callum’s eyebrows furrowed not sure what Ben was saying but he nodded in agreement, “Well maybe it’s like you said the other day, we ain’t afraid of tryin new things with each other. Like if our inhibitions are lowered a bit, our walls are a bit lower too. Does that makes sense?”

Callum pondered what Ben said for few seconds. It did kind of make sense, after all this was the first time Callum had felt free to do what he wanted, to explore his own wants without worrying that Ben would judge him. Perhaps it actually made perfect sense that he was so comfortable with him, he felt he could be close to him in other ways. “Yeh I guess it does, like you said before it ain’t like we’re ever gonna see each other again after this is it. Don’t matter what we get up to,” he conceded smiling lightly at Ben. “Kinda breakin the rules of the arrangement though innit?”

Ben’s eyes suddenly had a twinkle in them and that cheeky grin appeared on his face. “Well rules are made to broken ain’t they?” Callum couldn’t help but smile at that idea, thinking about how much he’d enjoyed breaking the rules he’d lived by all his life already. Ben smiled back before continuing, “Long as the expectations don’t change and we both know what we want from each other, then we ain’t gotta worry. Don’t over think it okay?”

“Yeh…okay,” Callum agreed and stared at Ben intently. All of a sudden the air between them grew thick, the position they were in had meant they were extremely close. It was a little too intimate than both were comfortable with.

Ben couldn’t cope with it and decided to break the tension. “Ain’t like you’re desperate to hold me close right after screwin me, then I might start to worry,” he scoffed sarcastically.

“Think you’re safe, barely have the energy to move when I’ve screwed you!” Callum huffed back at him lying back on his back.

“Right well now I’ve been of service, I’d better be off.” Ben suddenly sat up and made his way off the bed.

“Yeh course,” Callum said sitting up against his pillows. “We on for later?”

“Don’t see why not,” Ben said as he dressed himself. “Unless you get so outta your tree, I’m just gonna be used as a teddy bear again. If that’s the plan just text me yeh and I can go home instead!”

Callum shook his head and grimaced at the thought, “Don’t think you need to worry, I might have a night off the booze tonight, need to let my liver recover.” Ben just laughed lightly and nodded. “Hey…erm if it’s a faff comin here every night, I’m happy to go to yours?”

Ben’s expression instantly changed into one which Callum was sure was panic for the first time. He dropped his head and started to rub his forehead. “Nah. I’m happy comin here….To be honest I don’t ever take people back to mine. It’s my home and that would be havin em in my personal space. I like to keep that part of my life separate.”

“Right, I get it.” Callum could see that there were some rules Ben would not be willing to ever break. One of which was making sure he kept his real world private.

“Anyway I’ll see ya later,” Callum got up to follow him. “No you stay there, save your energy for later. Gonna need it” Ben winked as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Callum sunk back down onto the bed and rested his head against the pillow. After his talk with Ben things seemed clearer, he really did need to learn to let go of things. From now on he vowed to just roll with the punches a enjoy what they had. As long as he kept in mind what this was and didn’t lose sight of that, he was sure he could keep himself safe.

Over the next week, Callum had managed to relax into their new found understanding. They continued to meet up every night and have mind blowing sex. During the night they’d ended seeking each other out and pressing their bodies against one another’s for comfort. Occasionally, it was Ben who’d wrapped himself around Callum. Both men not worrying about the implications of it all, just enjoying the opportunity to enjoy this kind of closeness. Seeing it as another new experience like they’d talked about. Callum had to admit, he’d never slept better than when he was close to Ben. He put it down to the new sense of peace he’d found with himself. Other than this they’d kept to all the other rules they’d made and their arrangement was going well. That was until the night Ben had turned up to meet Callum, clearly on edge and tense. He’d pretty much dragged Callum straight to bed and insisted he take charge that night. Callum wasn’t complaining, the fact he used him as a means of taking out his frustration had meant another new experience for him. Turns out, angry, vigorous sex was thoroughly gratifying. Afterwards they’d said very little to each other and it hadn’t taken long for Callum to drift off to sleep. Again they’d allowed their bodies to drift incredibly close to each other. Normally this would settle Callum even further, but tonight Ben’s restlessness kept him awake. After being kicked several times, he decided he’d had enough, when Ben’s knee shoved harshly into his thigh, only missing his crotch by a few centimetres. “Mate, if you’re not careful you’re gonna put me out of action!” He said jokingly but knowing that there was a serious undertone to what he had said. “What’s up with you tonight?”

Ben let out a massive sigh, “Sorry…it’s…” He looked at Callum and opened his mouth as if was about to tell him before changing his mind. “Oh nothing. I’m fine.”

Callum sat up a little, looking down on Ben. “You’re clearly not, somethin’s obviously botherin you. Wanna talk about it?”

“You ain’t s’posed to care. Remember.” Ben clearly had his guard up, but Callum knew something was troubling him.

Thinking carefully about how to proceed, he thought it best to not let Ben know he was concerned for him. “I don’t!” He insisted “Seriously…but I do care if I get any sleep…and…I’d quite like to wake up with my bits still in full workin order and the rate you’re goin, neither is likely.” Ben chuckled. “Just willin to lend an ear if it helps you relax a bit. “

Ben sat up against leaned himself up against the headboard. “It’s a bit of long story.” He sighed. Callum raised his shoulders slightly in a gesture it was okay so Ben continued turning away from Callum as he spoke. “Got a letter from me Dad today. Ain’t heard from him in years. He weren’t exactly proud of havin a _gay for a son_ , as he put it.” Ben exhaled deeply and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs so he was hugging them tightly. “Made my life hell growin up, always tryin to stifle me, put me down, stop me bein who I was. I wasted so much time tryin to please him, be who he wanted me to be, but no matter what I did it was never good enough. Even ended up sleepin with one of me best girl mates to try and prove I was straight, course it did the opposite.” He paused at that point as if he wanted to say something else, but was holding back. He looked across at Callum and held his gaze, for the first time since he started speaking and saw Callum just looking at him empathetically. Not wanting to give too much of himself away he turned away from him quickly before starting to speak again. “Anyway…erm it was kind of at that point that I realised I needed to get away from him. Live my life for myself and no one else. That’s kinda how I ended up here. Me, Lola, that’s my mate who I…and Jay, well he’s like my brother, you saw the first night we met, leavin work with me, well we made our own little family and came here, got jobs and lived life as we wanted. Never looked back.” Ben let out another deep sigh. “Until now. Now he’s found me and wants me to go back home, says he’s willing to overlook how I choose to live my personal life and wants to accept me into the family business. Like he’s doin me some sort of favour.” Anger suddenly appearing in Ben’s voice, “Worst part of it is, I know how should just tell him to stick it. I have my own dreams now. Me and Jay wanna own our own bar one day. Been savin for years. I don’t wanna have any part of his poxy business. But I still wish I had his approval and for a split second I considered goin back to try and get it. How pathetic does that make me? Desperate for scraps of affection from someone who ain’t eva gonna love me for who I am.” A small tear escaped from Ben’s eye rolling onto Ben’s cheek before he quickly swiped it away hoping Callum hadn’t seen.

Callum placed a hand on Ben’s knee, showing him he was willing to give him affection even if his dad wasn’t. “Hey, you ain’t pathetic. Far from it. Sounds to me like you made a really brave move gettin away from him and no matter how hard it is you’re stickin to it. That just shows how strong you are. Takes real courage to just leave everythin you’ve ever known behind and start again.” Ben looked at Callum’s hand on his knee before looking him in the eye. Callum cleared his throat and moved his hand away, not wanting to unnerve Ben. “ I know what it’s like to want your families love and approval. To be prepared to do anything to cling onto it. But sometimes you just have to accept its best to cut them free. You have to live your life for you and only you.” Ben nodded and smiled acknowledging he accepted Callum’s words. “Anyway from what I can see it’s his loss!” Callum added cautiously, “You are one of the most confident, self-assured men I’ve eve met. Part of the reason I find you so sexy actually.” Callum once again attempted to wink, which made Ben chuckle,

“Thanks,” Ben replied softly. “God, I’m sorry, this is definitely breakin the rules ain’t it. You know, no deep n meaningfuls.” He shook his head and blushed slightly, “I never really talk about this stuff with anyone, don’t know why I felt the need to offload to you like that. Sorry.” He repeated his apology as he lowered his head slightly with embarrassment.

Callum shrugged, “Don’t be sorry.” He really didn’t mind Ben opening up to him. Hearing his story made him realise why they were so drawn to each other, both having such similar backgrounds. “Maybe it’s like you said before. Cos we are the way we are maybe it’s just easier to be open with each other. Like you said, it don’t matter what we do or say, we ain’t gonna see each other again after these couple a weeks…so it’s kinda easy to open up to someone who you know ain’t gonna be round for long. They won’t be able to hold it against you in the future.”

Ben looked at Callum and nodded again, he knew what he said made sense. However, Callum could see from the look on his face that he felt vulnerable being the one who opened up. It was then that Ben turned the tables, “Right well in the interest of fairness and equality, think I should hear your story!” Callum looked confused and shook his head. “Oh come on!” Ben asserted. “What harms it gonna do right? You said you got it. I mean tryin to get someone’s love and approval. Sounded like you spoke from experience.”

Callum was unsure what exactly to say. He certainly didn’t feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing with someone he barely knew. Then again, if you’d have asked him a few weeks ago if he’d have been comfortable sleeping with someone he knew nothing about, he’d have dismissed the idea straight away. Maybe he should just take the chance and be honest with Ben like he had been with him. “Well let’s just say my dad don’t sound so different to yours.” Callum paused and sighed deeply. “Mum left when I was a kid, so it was just him me and my brother. My Dad liked a drink and he ain’t exactly a happy drunk. My brother took the brunt of the beatins when he was there but he ended up gettin into trouble and got sent away. Leavin just me and him. Sometimes all I’d do was breathe and I’d get bashed.” Callum huffed slightly. “Maybe he always knew I was gay, used to get warned about bein a fairy or faggot regularly. I was so afraid of my own shadow let alone admittin to myself who I was.” Ben looked taken aback at Callum’s words. Almost like he was amazed that they had this in common. “That’s what I mean, when I say I get it. As a kid all I ever wanted was a family that loved me. It just took me a while to realise that don’t have to be the family your born into.”

“What made you realise that?” Ben asked softly.

“I met Lee, that’s my mate I’m here with. His family kinda took me in, treated me as one of their own. Loved and accepted me for me. Helped me get away from my old man. For the first time in my life I felt like I was part of a real family.” Callum then brought his knees to meet his chest and mirrored the position Ben had been in when he told his story.

“I’m guessing the fairytale didn’t last?” Ben once again could sense that Callum wasn’t a guy who had his life sorted. There was more to this and he couldn’t help but want to discover more about Callum and how he ended up here.

“It almost was.” Callum’s face dropped slightly as he thought about how he’d been so close up getting all he’s ever wanted. “I ended up getting with Lee’s younger brother. Johnny. I had my doubts about goin there. Always worried that if it didn’t work out I’d end up losin the only real family I’d ever had. But everyone reassured me it wouldn’t happen and I thought I’d take the risk you know, be a proper part of the family. Almost was n all. Supposed to be gettin married in two months, finally be a Carter.”

Ben again looked surprised, “Take it that ain’t happenin, as you’ve been here shaggin me for the past couple of weeks.”

“Caught him in bed with someone else a few weeks ago.” Callum admitted before looking at Ben sheepishly.

“Ouch! That’s kinda brutal. Sounds like a dick if you ask me.” It didn’t sit right with Callum that Ben insulted Johnny like that, but he couldn’t really defend him without giving too much of himself away. He let Ben continue without responding. “This what this is, a rebound holiday thing? Get over someone by gettin under a few others. Like it.” Ben grinned.

“Ain’t like that really.” Callum wasn’t sure what his motivation had been for playing around. It wasn’t really to get over Johnny, he soon realised that he hadn’t needed to. If the truth be told, he had more difficulty putting his feelings for Lee behind him. Maybe it was the need to find a different approach to getting over him, that really motivated his change in tactics. “Like I told you before. Always been a relationship kinda guy, never done things any other way. Only thing was I didn’t really give him all he needed. What happened weren’t all his fault. He was kinda…” Callum paused, wondering if it was a good idea to open up to Ben about how he felt for Lee. He’d never admitted it to anyone before. After pausing for a moment he decided to tell Ben most of the story, leaving out Lee’s name, “Well he was kinda second best… the guy I’d been hung up on for years weren’t ever gonna be available to me. So I decided to settle.” He hung his head in shame at the admission but as he breathed out he felt a sense of relief that he’d finally said it out loud. “I thought if I couldn’t have the guy I wanted, then bein with Johnny was good enough. I mean I did love him, but maybe not in the way I shoulda. Think he got fed up of waitin for me to and that’s why he went lookin for summat else.” Callum breathed deeply. “He told me to take some time and figure out what I wanted and if it was really him. Said maybe there’s a chance for us if I work it out…So that’s what this is, me tryin to figure out what I want. Tryin new things, seein if there’s more to life than what I had…or…findin out what I had is worth holdin on to.”

“Right.” Ben said not asking any more, he didn’t need to know.

“I’ve never told anyone bout havin feelins for someone else.” Callum was almost ashamed to have blurted it out the way he had.

“Secret’s safe with me. And anyway I can help you figure things out, just let me know.” Ben instantly went back to flirting with Callum, trying to reestablish their relationship being just a physical one, despite what they had shared tonight. Callum responded by pushing Ben back down onto the bed and engaging in their usual rhythm of meaningless physical exertions to distract them from their thoughts. If it was one thing they could both agree on, it was that they excelled at diverting each other’s attention and helping to ease their troubled minds. Afterwards they both were exhausted and satisfied and began to drift off to sleep. However their previous conversation was clearly playing on their mind and they both were struggling to get comfortable and settle. After a while Ben shuffled backwards towards Callum and pressed his body back into him. Callum responded by putting his arm over him and entwining their legs. It was obvious this time they were consciously seeking comfort from each other on a way they hadn’t allowed themselves to before.

Callum could still sense Ben was on edge and thought of something that might help. “Can I try something that might help you relax?”

“Don’t think I could go another round at the mo,” Ben retorted. “Give a me a while and I might be _up_ for it again!”

Callum smiled, he admired this man’s ability to turn anything he said into an innuendo. “Not that this time,” he scoffed. “When I was with my first boyfriend he would ask me to stroke his hair when he felt stressed. Always helped. Could I try with you?”

Ben was unsure, even though Callum couldn’t see his face he could tell by the way his breath hitched slightly he was not entirely comfortable with the suggestion. “Sounds a bit soft that!” he finally offered a response.

Callum chuckled again, he knew it was soft and he’d never really liked the suggestion when Chris put it to him. He always did it out of a sense of obligation rather than actually wanting to. However he found himself wanting to smooth Ben in anyway he could.

Willing to do things he never thought he would before, “Maybe it is, but maybe it could be somethin new you try. If you hate it you can tell me to stop.” Ben thought for a moment before nodding to show he’d given in. Callum moved the hand that was against Ben’s back up to his hair and began running his fingers through it delicately. Ben started to sink back further into Callum and Callum felt his body relax against his. He took it as a sign to continue. Within minutes he could tell that it had worked, Ben was breathing deeply and more slowly. He realised he was sleeping and this made Callum finally feel more at ease himself. He thought about what had happened tonight and how it had made him feel even closer to Ben. It unsettled him slightly that it wasn’t just in the physical sense this time. After mulling it over in his mind for several minutes he finally managed to convince himself it didn’t mean anything. He knew what had happened tonight was just another thing they could do because of the casual nature of their relationship. They could share things with each other, knowing that in a couple of weeks it wouldn’t matter and could be forgotten. It all made sense to him. As he drifted off to sleep, he inhaled the scent of the man in his arms. He decided to enjoy this new experience of closeness, knowing it would be fleeting and determined to enjoy it while it lasted.


	7. Making Discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment and leave kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to hear your thoughts on the story and know that people enjoy it. 
> 
> Again I apologise if I’ve missed any errors when proof reading. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy the next part of the story :-)

Callum loved waking up to the sound of the ocean outside his window. Without fail, hearing it made him feel at peace. There was something about the sea that soothed his mind in a way that nothing else could. He had never realised it before but he felt more at home by the coast than he had anywhere. Of course the serenity he felt when he woke in the last few days, had been enhanced by the warmth of Ben’s body entwined with his. Since they’d opened up to each other a few nights ago, they found that they were more comfortable with each other than they’d ever imagined they could be. Quite often they had found themselves talking after coming down from the highs of their passion. Callum had learned more about Ben’s family and it amazed him how similar it was to his own. Ben’s mother had been absent for a large chunk of his life. He had a brother who was much older than him, who he had very little contact with and he’d had a gran who had been a shining light in his childhood, giving him the love and affection he’d desperately craved from his father. When discussing their fathers both realised they had shared a fondness for alcohol and both had been abusive. Callum’s more physically, but Ben’s both verbally and emotionally. Although Callum had spoken about this before with Lee, it felt great to finally be able to share it with someone who fully comprehended the effect it had on him. After talking, they’d both drift off to a peaceful sleep. Even though they’d tried to keep their distance and settle in their own space, they’d invariably wake up wrapped up in each other. It was as if their bodies were a magnet for each other. Callum often pressing his against Ben’s wrapping his arms around him. On occasion he’d woken up with with Ben’s head resting on his chest, with his arms and legs draped over him. It was grounding for Callum to wake up like this and he found himself enjoying it more and more, resisting the temptation to consider what it meant and just go with the flow.

Their encounters had all begun late, often the early hours of the morning, and hadn’t lasted beyond mid morning. Most mornings after waking they engaged in one final round of energetic sex before Ben left and Callum and joined the other Lee and the others. It seemed to suit them both, as Callum still managed to enjoy spending time with his best friend. Ben also seemed to have no desire to spend any time with Callum in the day, always keen to leave once they had got what they needed from each other. The lazy days spent at the beach or by the pool also suited Callum, giving him time to recover from the previous night’s exploits and catch up on some rest. Towards the end of the third week of their holiday, Lee and the others suggested a bit of day trip to a water park on the other side of the island. It seemed to work out perfect for Callum as it fell on a night Ben couldn’t meet up, so he was able to get an earlier night. He hoped this had meant he’d get more sleep than he had been and feel fresher for the morning. However it hadn’t worked out like that, he’d found that he hadn’t been able to settle as well as when Ben was there.

Although he had had a decent amount of sleep, it wasn’t the same quality he had had when he had Ben laying next to him. Waking up alone had felt so strange and lonely, it unnerved Callum slightly to think about what it could mean. Eventually, he convinced himself it was just because he had gotten used to it in the last couple of weeks. He refused to let himself believe that it could be that he’d missed Ben.

As the day went on, he became distracted by having fun at the water park. The lads had all enjoyed the thrill of the faster rides and had created their own fun by having races and competitions about who could last the longest in some of the attractions. Being around these young men, who had very little care in the world and were just enjoying their freedom, helped Callum let loose even more than he ever had before and divert his thoughts away from Ben. In the afternoon they’d ventured over the the family section of the park, mainly because Lee had convinced Callum that they needed to relive their childhood fun. Callum couldn’t help but laugh at the prospect, although it had hit him he’d never actually experienced this kind of fun as a child. For him it was more like making up for all the things he’d missed out on so he was happy to join in. They found themselves on a rubber ring ride. Callum couldn’t help but laugh at the amount of times Lee had got stuck in the many pools that lay between each downward slope. Several times had to rescue him by pushing him out of the corner he’d got trapped in and towards edge of the slope. On the final pool of the ride he’d noticed a young girl stuck in a similar position to Lee.

“See it ain’t just me!” Lee called out pointing in the direction of the young girl.”

Callum couldn’t help the loud chuckle he let out at Lee’s protestations. “Mate, she’s a little girl. Although the be fair, I can see the similarities.” Lee scrunched his face up and subtly gave Callum a gesture with his hand which was wholly inappropriate for a family area. Callum laughed even more before gesturing towards the girl. “Looks like she’s on her own maybe we should help her.” Lee agreed and they slowly made their way over not wanting to scare her. The girl looked as if she was about eight or nine. She had long blonde hair, which had been soaked by the water. As they approached they heard her shouting at the rubber ring in English, so that made it easier to communicate with her. Callum soon realised that the little girl didn’t seem too frightened but more annoyed by the situation. “You okay?” he asked tentatively, “Do you need any help?”

She turned towards him and looked him up and down with narrowed eyes, clearly trying to assess if he was someone one who could help her. “Could do with a push! My stupid Dad got sucked over the edge and now I’m stuck and he’s probably panickin cos I ain’t come down yet,” she huffed out.

Callum couldn’t help but smile at her boldness. He almost felt sorry for her poor Dad, who was in for a stern talking to when she got to him. “Okay, well my mate will go down and find your Dad, tell him that your safe and then I’ll help you get down. That okay?” She nodded and gave Lee a brief description of him. Callum gestured towards Lee to go down and find her dad, hoping it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a worried man, fitting the description, waiting for someone to come down. Callum gave Lee a big shove in the right direction to make sure that he actually made it over the edge himself this time. “I bet you he’s been stuck more times than you,” he smiled as he turned back towards the girl.

“I only got stuck cos someone pushed me in the corner. I usually never get stuck!” she insisted.

Callum smiled, “Well I’ve had to save him on every single slide. He’s totally useless!” he rolled his eyes as if to say how silly he thought Lee was. Again the girl smiled. “Okay I’m gonna give you my hand and pull you over to me, then I’ll push you down.”

The girl regarded him carefully, “I’m not s’posed to talk to or touch strangers! But I think you look normalish?” She shrugged before reaching out for his hand.

Callum once again couldn’t help be amused by the girl. She seemed so streetwise, worlds apart from who he was at that age. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you back to to your Dad in one piece.” He pulled her closer to him then pushed her ring over towards the drop. “Ready?” She nodded and Callum gave one final shove. As she flew over the edge, he could hear her squeal with delight. A few seconds later he dragged himself towards the edge and flung himself over. When he reached the bottom he came flying out of his ring and underneath the water. Resurfacing a moment later, he scanned the pool hoping to see the girl reunited with her father. Seconds later he spotted Lee standing next to a familiar figure, who was now holding the girl in his arms. He froze in shock. For a moment he thought his eyes eyes had to be deceiving him. He stared at him intently, trying to comprehend how he could possibly be the girl’s father. As he watched the girl and Ben hold each other tightly and talk firmly, the realisation hit him that it had to be true. Suddenly Ben’s eyes met his and he stared back at Callum just as earnestly. It became too much and Callum forced himself to look away before swimming over towards them.

It appeared Lee was oblivious to who Ben was, only having met him briefly when he was inebriated. “Here he is!” he shouted as Callum approached.

Callum didn’t know what to say, he was stunned by this unexpected development. “Hi,” was all he managed to get out as he stood face to face with the man he’d come to know so intimately in the last couple of weeks.

“Hi,” Ben almost whispered it was barely audible above the splashing and screaming noises coming from the pool that surrounded them. His face was flushed with embarrassment and contorted with the obvious tension he was feeling about the situation. He dropped his head to his chest, trying to mask his unease, unable to look Callum in the eye.

“You two know each other?” Lee asked a little bemused before realisation hit him. “Oh!” He raised his eyebrows and and looked at Callum awkwardly. Ben lifted his head and gave Lee a sidewards glance as if hoping he would stop talking.

“This is the man that helped me Daddy!” The girl chimed in giving the ultimate confirmation that Callum needed. “Do you know him?” She asked Ben with a confused look on her face.

Callum didn’t know what to say, wanting Ben to take the lead on this situation as it was his daughter. He also had no clue what to describe them as. Ben looked even more awkward as he looked down at the girl, “Erm… he’s someone I know from work Princess,” he finally muttered a half-hearted response.

“What he works with you and Uncle Jay?” It was clear this little girl was very perceptive and not a lot got passed her. As Callum looked at her and Ben he could see how alike they were. Both full of confidence and swagger, both with sparkling blue eyes. It was so obvious to him now that she was Ben’s daughter.

“No he doesn’t work there baby…he just comes in for a drink sometimes.” Ben began rubbing his face, almost as if to wipe away the tension he was feeling. The girl instantly turned towards Callum, who just gave her a nod and smile in confirmation of what Ben had said.

“Well I think you should thank him for helpin me. If it wasn’t for him I’d been stuck there for ages and you’d have been down here freakin’ out like a proper drama queen!” The girl definitely inherited her father’s assertiveness.

“Alright Madam!” Ben shook his head in disbelief at was being told off before turning to look back at Callum. “Thanks Callum.” he said softly giving him a coy smile.

“No problem.”Callum mumbled equally as timidly before he turned towards the girl and gave a her a warm smile. He could tell him being in the presence of his daughter was making Ben really uncomfortable, so he decided it would be best to get out of there as quickly as possible. “Well we’d better get back to our friends. Nice to meet you…” he stumbled realising he didn’t know the girl’s name.

“Lexi,” she interjected filling in the missing information for him.

“Nice to meet you Lexi,” he repeated before turning to Ben. “Maybe see you later?” Ben just nodded, looking relieved that Callum wasn’t going make the situation any worse than it already was. Callum then gestured to Lee to go with him and they both left the pool and returned to their friends in another area of the park.

“So that’s him?” Lee questioned as they walked back. Callum just nodded. “Did you know he had a kid?” Lee looked just as puzzled as Callum by the revelation.

“Nah,” he replied. “It’s not like we really talk that much…I mean we do but it ain’t the main we thing we do is it?” Callum blushed and screwed his face up. “Turns out I know even less about him than I thought. Anyway it’s not like I need to know a lot is it?.”

Lee nodded acknowledging he understood. He sensed Callum was conflicted after today’s development and thought it might be best not to push things with him. “Right well let’s go and find the others and see what they’ve been up to.”

“Hopefully they ain’t got stuck on any kid’s rides” Callum scoffed desperately trying to lighten the mood. Lee just repeated the gesture from earlier and scowled at him. They soon reunited with their friends and went about enjoying the rest of the afternoon. Although Callum couldn’t quite shake the thought of seeing Ben. The realisation hit him that has open as they had been, they were both still holding things back from each other. Reaffirming to Callum, that all this could ever be was a meaningless fling, one he should just enjoy while it lasted. Although he wondered if now one of Ben’s deepest secrets had been exposed to him, whether Ben would even want to see him again or if he would decide that he needed to keep him at arms length.

On returning back to the Villa, Callum and the rest of the group all headed back to their rooms to get ready for another night out. Callum wasn’t sure if he’d hear from Ben that night, in truth he probably thought he wouldn’t. He went about getting ready for the evening, showering and choosing an outfit for a night with the boys. That’s why when his phone flashed up with a message, just before he was about to go out, he was a little caught off guard.

**Ben:**

**_Hey, wondered if you were free a bit earlier tonight? Wanted to thank you properly for being a hero earlier. Thinking I might need to get on my knees and bow down. Know how you enjoy that ;-)_ **

****

Callum took a deep breath after reading the message, pondering what the best response would be. A mixture of surprise, confusion and desire swirled in his mind. He had expected Ben to try and distance himself and if he did want to meet up for it to be late when they couldn’t talk much. Then again the message gave a clear indication of what Ben wanted from him. It was almost as if he wanted to reassert that their relationship was merely physical. Callum was both a little downhearted and excited by that thought. The last few days it seemed to become more than that, but today’s events had suggested that’s all it would ever be. However the thought of Ben on his knees for him filled him with want. Ben certainly knew how to get the hunger for physical pleasure burning, it would be futile to resist. He sent a swift reply.

**_Others on their way out now. I can wait here for you if you like? I’ll look forward to my reward ;-)_ **

****

He decided he needed his response to focus on the physical aspect of their relationship, hoping it could remove any haze that may have started to settle and cloud his mind. It didn’t take long for Ben to respond to tell him he was on his way. Callum let the others know he wouldn’t be joining them and they headed off while he waited for Ben. The whole time he sat there his nerves were growing. It felt like butterflies were dancing in his stomach and as much as tried to convince himself that nothing had changed between them, he couldn’t dismiss the feeling that somehow it had. The fact he had discovered something about Ben that he was certain not every man he’d been with would have, made him feel like the equilibrium had shifted slightly. It made him feel on edge about what would happen between them now.

About half an hour later there was knock on the door. Callum’s heart began to race as he approached the door, unsure what to expect from Ben. He had no clue what to say or do or how things might end up this evening. All of the fog that clouded his mind, dispersed when he opened the door. Seeing Ben stood there in a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue polo shirt, both which showed off his physique perfectly and highlighted the colour of his eyes, sent all blood from brain to a lower part of his body. There were no words exchanged before Callum grabbed at Ben’s arms and pulled him in through the door and led him to the pool area. Making the most of the fact the rest of the group was out, Callum decided to take advantage of having the communal areas to themselves. It wasn’t long before they found themselves testing the strength of one of the sun loungers on the terrace. Turns out it was more robust than Callum had thought as Ben made good on his promise to reward Callum, in more ways than he’d thought. 

Lying there afterwards both men were panting trying hard to get their breaths back. It dawned on Callum that this was the closest they’d ever lay after sex.

The size of the sun lounger meant there was not much room and Callum found himself lying on his side with Ben laying plush against him. Ben turned to face him and the proximity of their faces was almost too much to bear. Callum swallowed hard at the intensity of the moment before rolling over and standing up. Placing a towel around his waist as he moved to sit on the adjacent bed, creating space between them. Ben pulled himself up seconds later, and dragged a another towel that was on the bottom of the lounger over himself. “Wow! You should play the hero more often. It’s a real turn on!” Ben hummed as he finally caught his breath.

Callum smiled and huffed, “Wow, wouldn’t have had you down as havin a thing for knights in shinin armour!” Ben grinned widely at him. “Anyway, weren’t exactly a hero was I?”

“Well Lexi kinda though so. Think she quite liked you…Look about that..” Ben rubbed his face obviously finding the topic of conversation difficult.

“It’s okay you don’t need to explain anythin.” Callum cut him off not wanting Ben to feel pressured to open up about something so personal if he didn’t want to. “We don’t need to know everythin about each other do we?”

“No, course not…but…well it’s kinda out there now innit?” Ben looked to Callum for reassurance that it was okay for him to talk about it. Callum smiled softly and nodded, hoping to give Ben all the confidence he needed. “Well…” Ben continued tentatively, “You remember I told you about me sleepin with my mate to try and prove I was straight.”

Again Callum nodded. “Lex was the product of that. We were just kids didn’t really know what we were doin, but we both knew we wanted her. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. When she came along that was the final push I needed to finally break away from Dad. I didn’t want him anywhere near her. So me, Lo and Jay left and after a while of travellin round finally settled here. They eventually got together and we became our own little family. Not the conventional kind but we just work you know.” Ben paused again and Callum gave him a look which meant he totally understood. “We’ve got this perfect arrangement. I mean Lo and Jay work durin the day, Jay does the occasional night with me. Then I work and have my fun at night. We share takin care of Lex, when we’re not workin. I usually do the school pick up and afternoon shift, puttin her to bed before I leave. Occasionally at the weekend I take care of all her all day. That’s what I was doin today….Not that I was doin the best job. Getting separated from her n all that.” Ben’s sunk his head into his hands, clearly feeling bad for what happened.

“Hey! Don’t be so hard on yourself!” He tried to reassure him. “To be fair I got separated from Lee loadsa times on that ride. He kept getting stuck and needed rescuin too!” Ben chuckled at that. “From what I saw, you’ve done a great job with her.”

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Callum. “I try me best. Didn’t exactly have the best example to go off did I?” Ben sighed deeply “ Just can’t help feel sometimes I could do a better job for her. I mean I ain’t exactly a high flyer in the career stakes, never have been just drifted from one job to the next. Like I said before me and Jay do have a dream of openin our own bar one day, but ain’t quite there yet.” He dropped his head again, pausing while he gathered his thoughts. “I just wanna make her proud you know!”

Callum shook his head and expelled a bit of air. “Ben. It sounds to me like you’re doin a brilliant job. You’re out there makin an honest livin, providin for her, makin sure she’s loved and looked after. There were some days as a kid I didn’t even know if I’d get fed.” Ben lifted his head and looked at Callum his lips curving downward slightly. Callum could tell he was feeling sympathy for him and quickly carried on returning the focus of the talk to Ben. “And you’re there for her, you spend time with her, take her for days out. So many kids would kill to have a Dad like that! Plus from what I saw you’ve raised a confident, self-assured little girl. That’s because she knows no matter what she’s loved….so I say you’re doin a pretty great job.” Callum smiled warmly at Ben, who was desperately trying to hold back his emotions at Callum’s words. Swallowing hard as he looked at Callum. It was the first time Ben had let Callum see any real emotion from him, even when they’d talked previously and he’d let a tear escape, he’d wiped it away and put his guard back up straight away. This time was different, he was allowing Callum to see how much he loved his little girl and how much his words had affected him. Callum once again felt too aware of this and decided to ask one more question, hoping Ben would continue to be open. “Is she the reason your place is a no go?”

Ben nodded, “Yeh…erm it ain’t that I’m embarrassed about me bein gay. She knows I like men, I’ve never hidden it from her. It’s just…” he stumbled for a minute as if considering whether he should divulge more, but meeting Callum’s eyes again he knew he should continue. “When I was growin up, I had that many step-mums that I never knew whether I was comin or goin. If I ever bonded with any of em, they’d be gone before I knew it and I’d be left missin em.” His head sunk to his chest again. “My feelins were never a priority though, always was bottom of the pile. Anyway when Lex came along I was determined that weren’t gonna happen to her. I wasn’t gonna confuse her by bringin people into her life and then them leavin and her sufferin because of me. She is number one and always will be…so I just settle for havin fun when I can. No strings, no commitment, no risk to her. She’s the love of my life and I’m happy for it to stay that way.”

Callum felt something he hadn’t in a while at hearing Ben’s words. His heart began to soar, realising how amazing this man was in front of him. He knew he shouldn’t but he needed to touch him, to tell him how wonderful he was. He leant over and gently lay his hand on top of Ben’s. “Well I’d say that puttin her first above all else, makes you the best Dad in the world!” Ben looked up at him again, staring deeply into his eyes with a small smile as he breathed deeply. Callum felt something he hadn’t before, he could feel what was like electricity flowing all through him, starting where there hands were joined. The air around them felt charged but not in the physical way it had been before, this felt different, deeper. His heart began to race and his eyes fell to Ben’s lips for a brief moment. It was then that he snapped out of his haze, when he found himself almost leaning in to kiss him. All of a sudden a panic hit him, he began to feel hot and clammy and he knew he had to put his guard back up. Coughing to clear his throat, he quickly withdrew his hands from Ben’s and turned his head towards the pool. “Fancy a swim?”

Ben stilled for a moment, also clearly confused by the shift that had just occurred between them. “I don’t have any swimmers,” he said clearing his own throat.

“Who says you need em?” Callum said raising his eyebrows suggestively. Trying desperately to reset their relationship to the physical one it was, the only way it could be.

Ben licked his lips and gave Callum a cheeky smile. “Skinny dippin somethin new you fancy tryin is it?”

“Well never had sex outside before and quite enjoyed that, so wonder what we get up to in that water?” Callum hoped his faux confidence covered the trembling wreck he was feeling inside. Ben said no words, just pulled the towel slowly off him, stood up and dived in the pool. Confirmation that he was willing. Callum dropped his towel and did the same. Before long their conversation was forgotten as their hands found ways to distract each other in the water.

Working up an appetite in and out of the pool, they found themselves in the kitchen a few hours later. Both just stood in towels, they saw little point in getting dressed. Callum had thrown together a sandwich for them both and they were sitting at the table eating, when all of a sudden the front door slammed and they heard a clearly distressed Lee calling out for Callum. Without hesitation Callum sprang up and ran towards him, Ben following closely behind to see what the commotion was about.

As Callum, reached the hallway he saw a clearly drunken Lee crumpled up in a heap on the floor, tears streaming from his face. Callum couldn’t hide his own distress at seeing him in this state, he ran towards him and knelt in front of him, before pulling him into a tight embrace. “Hey what’s wrong?” he whispered softly.

“Everythin!” Lee cried. “I’ve messed it all up Callum. I can’t get her out of my head! Why can’t I get her out of my head?” He sobbed loudly against Callum’s shoulder. Callum whispered words of reassurance to him as he let all of his emotions out. He gently stroked his hair with one hand and rubbed circles into his back with the other. For a brief moment he forgot Ben was there, all of his focus on Lee and making him feel better. He hadn’t realised that Ben had been watching them the whole time.

Eventually, he remembered what had been going on before Lee entered and the state of undress himself and Ben were in. He turned to Ben and asked him to go and retrieve their clothes from the pool. Ben obliged with a nod and headed out to get them. Lee began to calm when the realisation hit him he had interrupted Callum and Ben. “I’m so sorry mate. I didn’t mean to ruin your night!” he slurred.

Callum pulled back and cupped his hands in his face, “You haven’t mate. Don’t worry. Look you know I’m always here for you right? It’ll all be alright okay.” He said brushing a stray tear away and kissing the side of his head softly. At that exact moment Ben dropped his clothes next to him on the floor. “Give me a sec to put me kecks on and we’ll get you to bed eh?” he then turned to Ben, who had a look of sadness on his face which Callum couldn’t fathom. He couldn’t worry to much about it in that instance, he had to take care of Lee. “You go upstairs and I’ll be up in a bit once I’ve sorted him out.” Ben just nodded and walked passed them towards the stairs, looking back briefly and sighing before going up them. Callum put his boxers on discretely, then his trousers before going back to Lee and pulling him off the floor. He slowly guided him up the stairs and into his room. Once in there he told Lee to get undressed while he got him some water, when he returned Lee had passed out on the bed. He placed the water on the bedside table, pulled him into a slightly more comfortable position on the bed and gently covered him up with a blanket. Now wasn’t the time for talking, he thought he’d best let him sleep it off and hopefully Lee would be in a better state to talk tomorrow.

Closing the door quietly, he made his was across the landing to his room where Ben was waiting. Ben was sitting upright against the headboard waiting for him. When he looked at Callum he had the same look he’d seen downstairs. Callum still could not understand what it was or why he was regarding him in that way. “Your mate alright?” he asked with a concerned tone.

“Will be I think. Just needs to sleep it off, gets proper emotional when he’s had a skinful!” Callum answered then began to strip down to his boxers again, feeling a little awkward at the scrutiny he appeared to be getting from Ben. Once he had slipped out of his jeans he turned back to look at Ben on the bed.

Ben was rolling his bottom lip between his teeth clearly pensive about something. Then when he spoke it all became clear to Callum. “It’s him ain’t it? The bloke you’re in love with?” Callum froze his eyes widening with panic. As it turned out it wasn’t only him that had made a discovery today. Ben had managed to unearth his biggest secret, one he’d hoped would stay buried forever.


	8. Shifting Goalposts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone who read, commented and left kudos on the last chapter. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts and hearing you’re enjoying the story.
> 
> Once again I apologise if I’ve missed any errors while proof reading.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next part :-)

“I …er…don’t know what you mean?” Callum stuttered, shocked by the fact that he’d finally been caught out. He’d always managed to keep it hidden, no one ever noticed before. He thought he was so good at covering up his feelings, but Ben had seen right through him.

Ben tilted his head and squeezed his lips tightly. “Come on Callum. There’s no need to keep it from me. Ain’t like we need to have secrets is it? I saw how you were with him, all the touches. And the way you looked at him. It’s pretty obvious mate.” Callum closed his eyes, sighed and lowered his head. Ben was right, there was no point hiding it any longer, he just nodded in surrender. “D’ya wanna talk about it?” Ben asked cautiously.

Callum shrugged, “I’ve never told anyone about it before.”

“Yeh but it’s different with us ain’t it. We’ve been able to tell each other stuff we wouldn’t other people. Safe in the knowledge that soon we won’t have to face each other again. so it really don’t matter what secrets we share.” The stark reminder to Callum about what this was, pushing any thoughts he’d had earlier that it could be more out of his mind. “How long?” Ben continue to probe gently, determined to help Callum open up to him.

Callum took a deep breath to help him prepare to speak about this for the first time. “Pretty much since I first met him I think. Except didn’t really know what it was then. Was just a kid.” He paused looking at Ben, who just nodded sympathetically. Callum knew then it was safe to share this with him and he proceeded to tell him the whole story about his friendship with Lee and how Lee made him realise who he was. How Lee had given him his first proper family and how that had led to him being with Johnny. It felt so good to finally be able to share it with someone. The whole time Ben just listened and didn’t judge Callum, although he did raise an eyebrow when he found out Johnny was Lee’s brother. When he finished telling his story Callum felt that a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. His feelings for Lee had often been crushing him inside and it felt like sharing it with Ben had finally helped to ease the sensation. “So there you go. S’pose yer gonna tell me how pathetic it is to be pinin for a straight guy. One who I know I can never have. Whole things so messed up ain’t it?” Callum dropped his head, unable to look at Ben, scared that he’d finally realise just how screwed up he truly was.

Ben shook his head and frowned slightly, “Come here,” he whispered as he shifted his position so he was next to Callum, before pulling him into a hug. Callum tensed at first, this was again something they hadn’t done before, he was sure it was crossing another line. However he couldn’t help feeling safe in Ben’s arms and eventually relaxed into the embrace, breathing deeply, inhaling Ben’s scent. It immediately soothed him and made him feel safe, in a way he never had before. After a moment, he pulled away, worrying if he allowed it to that feeling could be something familiar which he’d begin to crave. Ben lowered his arms and gave him comforting smile. “Feel better gettin it off your chest?” Callum nodded. “For what it’s worth,” Ben continued, “You ain’t pathetic. You can’t help who you fall for…so I’m told,” Ben once again screwed up his face slightly, it was clear that he’d never felt that way before. “Look I ain’t an expert on this sort thing but… I think… maybe you need to distance yourself from him a bit. Sounds to me like you’ve never properly given yourself a chance to get over him. I mean even here, your spendin all day every day with him. You need to give yourself some space.”

“But he needs me. He’s going through some stuff too. I can’t just abandon him.” Callum argued.

Ben smiled at Callum sadly, “You really are a good un ain’t you?” He sighed deeply and Callum could feel the sympathy radiating from him. “But sometimes you gotta put yourself first. Seems to me like you always do what you think everyone else needs or wants you to. What about what you need?”

Callum pondered Ben’s words for a moment. When he thought about it he realised maybe he was right. He was always happy to just go with the flow of it meant that other people were happy. Once again he couldn’t believe that Ben could see him in a way no one else ever had. Although he knew Ben was right, he couldn’t see a how his solution would work. “What so I just spend me days all alone, like Billy no mates, waitin for you to be free. How’s that gonna help?” He scoffed. “Sittin here feelin lonely again. Like I have most of my life.” He let out a deep sigh as his eyes met Ben’s.

Ben looked at him sadly as he thought about his predicament. “Well…maybe we could…hang out more in the day?” He suggested weakly. “I mean obviously I have to pick Lex up from school and stuff but we can do stuff before then?” Callum was taken aback by the suggestion. This simple arrangement seemed to be getting more and more complicated by the day and it unsettled Callum greatly. Ben clearly picked up in the tension. “Nothin too heavy, maybe a few activities we could try out, there’s loads to do round here…and I must admit a good afternoon session is something new I wouldn’t mind explorin. May as well be with you.” Ben winked and gave him that smirk of his that Callum had grown to be fond of.

Callum couldn’t help but smile at the idea of daytime delights with Ben “Okay,” he agreed, “I’m definitely up for givin that go!” Callum wasn’t sure he should be agreeing to this, the more time he spent with Ben, the more he felt their relationship change. It could be a risky move.

Ben quickly snapped him out of his thoughts as he crawled back on the bed towards Callum. “Now if you want to give me a _hand_ to relax and help get me off…to sleep. Then I’d be very grateful.” Callum grinned back at him, knowing that once again they were back on an even keel, falling into the safe space that their agreement was meant to keep them in. Callum almost couldn’t believe that Ben wanted to go again, he was insatiable. Callum couldn’t seem to get enough of him either though, his own sexual appetite having increased considerably in recent weeks. Afterwards Callum and Ben lay in their usual position and Ben quickly drifted off to sleep. Callum didn’t find it as easy to settle. He was so conflicted. On the one hand he felt a huge weight lifted off him, having shared his feelings about Lee with Ben. On the other hand though, he couldn’t help feeling uneasy about spending less time with Lee and more time with Ben. Although, it might be good to put some distance between him and Lee, he couldn’t help but wonder if being around Ben more, was a good move. It almost felt like he was jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. He’d already seen a different side to Ben today, one he couldn’t help but be drawn to. He needed to try and reestablish the boundaries he’d created. Even if the goalposts were shifting, he needed to make sure that he moved his defence with them, in order to protect himself from getting hurt.

The next morning they woke up and arranged their first daytime rendezvous for the following day. As it was Sunday Ben had Lexi all day and they agreed that they wouldn’t see each other until the evening and Ben would come prepared for their planned trip out. They said their goodbyes and Callum made his way to the kitchen to make himself and Lee a coffee. As he was just about to take it up to him, Lee came shuffling through the door, looking like the effects of last night were still taking their toll on him. “How’s the head?” Callum enquired softly.

“Bangin mate!” Lee moaned and rested his head against the table. Callum bought him his coffee. Lee lifted his head to acknowledge him. “Thanks. Sorry for bein…well…you know…a bit emotional last night. I blame the booze.”

Callum patted him on the back, “D’you wanna talk about what happened?”

Lee sighed, “Don’t know what to say to be honest. Was chattin to this girl. Gettin on really well. Havin a laugh. Then I went to kiss her and all I could see was Whit. Felt awful like I was cheatin or somethin.” He huffed our a small laugh, “I mean when I was seein her, I had a few on the go and never felt guilty…but now. I dunno what’s up with me. Thought I’d be over it by now.”

“Have you erm thought that maybe you have feelins for her.” Callum hid behind his coffee cup as he uttered the words. Knowing they were very likely to send Lee into a state of panic. However he was surprised by Lee’s response. He said very little and scrunched his whole body up. Almost shrinking into himself.

“I erm…I dunno. I know I feel differently about her than I ever have anyone else. I’m happy when I’m round her. I know I think about her all the time and I miss her when I’m not with her. Is that havin feelins for her?” Callum could tell Lee genuinely didn’t know the answer to his own question. It was clear he’d never felt that way before. Contrary to Lee’s own confusion Callum’s mind was certain. He knew Lee was in love with her, as the way he just described his feelings was exactly how Callum had always felt about him. Before he had the chance to respond, Lee spoke again, “I think I need to figure it all out properly though, before I talk to her. I’ve messed her about enough. Don’t wanna do that any more. So I think I’m gonna enjoy the last week and and a bit we have here. Not gonna try and get with anyone else or anythin. If someone comes along who helps me forget her, than I know what I feel isn’t real. If not then I know she’s the one and I just have to hope it ain’t too late.”

“Wow. That sounds like a very mature approach mate. You had a bang on the head or somethin?” Callum joked, “Seriously though, I think you’re doin the right thing. Last thing you wanna do is hurt her anymore. Best to figure out what you really want first.” Lee nodded to gesture his agreement and smiled, obviously feeling better than Callum had agreed with the plan. All of a sudden it hit Callum that for the first time ever, he didn’t feel jealous about Lee finding someone special. The overriding thought in his mind was that he hoped it worked out and Lee would be happy. It occurred to him that maybe talking things through with Ben had been the first step in letting go of his own feelings for Lee. Maybe the more time he spent with Ben, the more he’d feel like he could move on. Maybe the change in the terms of their arrangement could work out after all.

Over the next week Callum enjoyed spending more time with Ben. Their daytime meet ups had exceeded Callum’s expectations. Exploring a range of activities which he’d never had done before, gave him more thrills than he’d hoped. He’d was so pumped up after paragliding, that as soon as his feet were on dry land, he’d dragged Ben into the nearest public restroom and had his way with him there and then. Being together in public spaces in broad daylight, became a new thrill seeking activity for both of them. Wherever they ended up they couldn’t help but look for places to find time alone. They were exhilarated by bringing each other ultimate pleasure with the added excitement of being caught. It hadn’t all been about thrill seeking and physical connection though, they both opened up to each other in a way Callum thought he never would with anyone. He’d been more open about his relationships with Chris and Johnny than he ever had with anyone. Now Callum knew about Lexi, Ben would not stop talking about her. It warmed Callum’s heart to hear how proud Ben was of her. He discovered she knew how to speak English and Spanish, what a fabulous dancer she was, how she liked him to make up stories for her. It seemed to Callum that Ben had never really had anyone to talk to about her before and it was clear he was enjoying able to express his love for her to someone outside his family. Ben also made Callum laugh more than he could ever remember doing in his life. His humour was dry and he always had a witty remark that Callum couldn’t help but chuckle at. He also developed his own confidence in making sarcastic remarks, keen to give Ben as good as he got and be an equal participant in the amusing conversations they engaged in. Callum was enjoying their time together so much, he had barely thought about Lee or his feelings for him. Lee had initially been disappointed about Callum not being around and couldn’t hide his concern about him spending so much time with Ben, warning him not to get too attached. However in the last few days he’d seen how Callum’s mood was lighter and he seemed genuinely comfortable in his own skin, more so than he had ever seen. He just hoped that Callum wouldn’t end up retreating into his shell, when their holiday ended.

Unfortunately the end of the holiday was fast approaching, something Callum hadn’t wanted to acknowledge. Ben had been the one to bring it up when he suggested a day trip, wanting to show Callum a special place on the island. Ben arranged for Lola to pick Lexi up and had borrowed his brother Jay’s car as it wasn’t easy to get to the location he’d chosen. They set off early to make the most of it. For the whole journey Ben pointed out some of the sights and Callum couldn’t help but marvel of some of the beauty he saw. The radio had been playing in the background providing a pleasant soundtrack to the journey. All of a sudden Ben’s face lit up as one of his favourites came on and he immediately turned up the volume so it blasted out of the speakers. Callum couldn’t help but look at him and beam as he belted out Tiny Dancer at the top of his lungs. Ben caught Callum looking at him and blushed a little, “What?” he cried before grinning back. “Gotta love a bit of Elton ain’t you!”

Callum was surprised at what a great voice he had. “Had no idea you could sing!”

“Well…I am man of many talents.” Ben chuckled. “A lot of which involve my mouth actually.” Ben winked and Callum couldn’t help but smile back as Ben continued to sing with power, swaying his head dramatically in time with the music. Callum’s heart swelled at how carefree and unashamed Ben was. His admiration for the man next to him was growing all the time. He envied his confidence and free spirit and hoped one day he’d be able to find his own. After driving for about an hour, they arrived at their destination. They parked the car and then set off on quite a trek along a cliff top before heading down a craggy path. Callum was clearly nervy as the path was hazardous in places. Ben couldn’t help but chuckle when he panicked a few times as small rocks fell down as they walked. Each time Callum reached out for Ben and grabbed his arm or shoulder to steady himself. Ben reassured him each time and it made Callum feel safe, he trusted Ben completely. It felt like they had been waking for an eternity but eventually they reached the bottom of the path. Callum stepped onto the golden sand and was stopped dead in his tracks by the breathtaking view. He didn’t believe he’d ever seem anything so beautiful in his life. The ocean was the deepest blue and the sunlight glistening on it, almost made it look like diamonds were laying on it. Scanning the horizon he saw how secluded the cove they found themselves in was. The beach was benched in between two cliff faces, hidden from the rest of the island. As he settled his gaze back on Ben, he realised Ben had been watching him taking in the scene. He was smiling warmly at Callum and the way he looked at him made those butterflies start dancing in his stomach. “Beautiful innit?” he asked softly.

Callum took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “Yeh,” he uttered in barely more than a whisper, eyes focused intently on Ben. Before long he realised he was staring and he dropped his head as he cleared his throat. “Erm…it’s really stunning…this place.”

Ben turned away from him. “Hardly anyone comes here. Most people think it ain’t worth the hassle of walking down that cliff.” Ben paused inhaling deeply, “But that’s the thing innit, things that give you the best rewards, ain’t always easy. I think that’s what’s makes it such a special place to me.” Callum took in Ben’s words and couldn’t help but thinking how accurate they were. He thought about how it reigned so true in his life. Could he have put more effort into his relationship with Johnny? Should he have been more brave in going for what he wanted rather than clinging so desperately onto the notion of being part of a family? Could taking the hardest path really bring him the the biggest reward? Ben instantly snapped him out of his musings by giving him another reason this place was a perfect place to spend the day. “It’s also very _private,”_ he said turning round towards Callum and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Perfect for someone who’s recently discovered how much fun outdoor sex can be.” It wasn’t long before they were making the most of the privacy and exploring new ways to enjoy setting.

After revelling in some late morning and early afternoon delights, Ben and Callum lay next to each other relaxing on the sand. Callum was still in awe of the beauty that this place held. He’d never felt so alive but so at peace all at once. There were so many things he’d discovered about himself in such a short time, how much he adored being by the sea was one of them. Others had come from the experiences he’d shared with Ben, mainly things that stimulated him physically. However in the last days their conversations and experiences had made him realise how much he enjoyed Ben’s company. Being with Ben had not only helped him break away from Lee and attempt to move on from his feelings, but also gave him confidence he didn’t need to rely on the Carter family to be happy. Finally, he was feeling like he could survive without Johnny. That he could stand on his own two feet and find his own happiness. A wave of sadness washed over him that his time here, with Ben, would soon be over.

Turning his head towards Ben, he could see that he was deeply in thought too. “What you thinkin about?” Callum couldn’t help but ask, wondering if Ben was too feeling sad about their time nearing its end.

Ben shoulders tensed a little and his face muscles tightened slightly. “Was just thinkin about another first I’ve just had,” he said curving his lips into a smirk, clearly trying to deflect from his actual thoughts.

“Oh yeah? What’s that then?” Callum’s sometimes forgot that some of the things they’d done recently had been new to Ben too. That he’d also broken through many boundaries he’d put in place to keep himself safe.

“First time I’ve got me end away here. Always wanted to, but never had the opportunity to before.” He grinned at Callum, who couldn’t help but smile back.

“Well apart from the cocktail, I have to say I’ve never had sex on the beach before.” Callum quipped. “So it’s a first for me n all.”

“ _And?”_ Ben tilted his head, waiting for Callum to elaborate.

“Weren’t bad!” Callum teased. There was no way he was about to inflate Ben’s ego any further by telling him he’d just given him another one of the best sexual experiences he’d had in his life.

“Weren’t bad!” Ben scoffed. “Think all those moans and grunts you were makin says it was a bit more than _Not bad!”_

Callum just laughed back, “Maybe.” He turned away towards the ocean, with his own smirk this time as he did. “So come on then, what other firsts have you had recently?” Ben had given him so many, he was intrigued to learn if he had done the same for Ben. As Ben had been the one to bring it up, he seized the opportunity to find out.

Ben regarded him pensively for a minute, clearly thinking about how much of himself to give away. Dropping his shoulders in surrender it was clear he decided to be honest. “ _Well,”_ he started before taking a deliberate pause, “The other day I ate my first Spanish Omelette, been here years and l ain’t ever tried one before. Can you believe that?”

Callum laughed as Ben looked at him with his usual smirk. “Wow! Proper adrenaline junkie you! How d’you find the energy for all that excitement?” He scoffed. Again their eyes met as the smiled at each other and Callum couldn’t help but gaze deeply at the blue that mirrored the ocean, it was rapidly becoming his favourite colour.

Ben broke the moment and looked down before speaking again. “Well in other firsts…obviously the afternoon shaggathons are quite new. Doin it outdoors in the daytime also new. That thing we did the other night…” Ben raised his eyebrows and Callum blushed at the memory, knowing how it was another first he’d too relished in partaking in. Ben looked up at him and beamed at the notion he’d made him blush. Then his face straightened a little indicating his next first was of more importance. “Course…erm…main thing that’s very new is…well this… you know talkin and stuff. Probably shared more with you then I ever have before. Never told anyone I’ve ever screwed about Lex or me dad. Kinda bin good to share it with someone who gets it and ain’t judgin.”

Callum nodded, he knew exactly what that felt like. He still found it hard to understand how Ben had got to this point though. “You really never talked to anyone bout this stuff?” he enquires softly.

Ben just shrugged, “Well obviously Jay and Lola know and I do talk to em bout stuff, but it’s different with you.” Ben sighed. “I mean they have been there and get it, but they also have their own perspective on it all. Especially the stuff with Lex…I guess it’s just good to be able to tell someone my view of it all without em tellin me it ain’t like I think.”

Callum felt a pang if sympathy for Ben, “Ain’t you got any other mates you’ve ever been able to talk to?”

Ben screwed his face up and hummed slightly. “I don’t exactly find it easy to make friends…I mean there’s people I know from work n that but they ain’t people I would talk to about this kind stuff. They know bout Lex obvious but…well I ain’t exactly the openin up type am I? Find it hard to let people in.” Looking across at Callum he swallowed hard realising that wasn’t the case with him. He gulped and Callum saw how his Adam’s Apple moved up and down his throat. Once again Ben broke the awkward silence. “Different with you though innit? You ain’t gonna be round long enough to hold anythin I say against me.”

“Yeah,” Callum replied softly. As he looked at Ben, he couldn’t help feel a sense of sadness at the further reminder that the time for them was almost up. His heart felt heavy at the thought. He knew what they were, what they always had been but sometimes in instances like this, for a brief moment, he couldn’t help hope it could be more. Shaking that thought from his mind, he quickly tried to bring the conversation back in line with the true nature of the relationship. “Any other _firsts_ I can help you with before I leave?”

“Actually erm…there was one thing I was thinkin?” Ben appeared coy, one of the only times Callum had seen him without his trademark swagger. “Erm…Well…this is gonna sound so lame…but… I’ve never had an actual date?”

Callum was shocked by the revelation. It wasn’t a surprise that Ben didn’t play the dating game now, but that he never had was unexpected. “What never?” Callum spat out, before realising how patronising he sounded. “Sorry, it’s just there ain’t many things I’m ahead of you at is there?”

“Oh yeah! Look at Romeo over there. Been on loadsa dates have you? Romancin all the eligible bachelors of East London!” Ben scoffed.

Callum felt awkward, he hadn’t meant to judge but it was clear he had in some way. “No…I ain’t been on many…hardly any,” he bumbled desperately trying to redeem himself. “But I have been on a few. Just surprised someone as hot as you ain’t ever had anyone try to wine and dine them.”

Ben smiled at that slightly, seemingly appeased. “I never said that, just that I ain’t let em. Told you, I don’t let people get close, gives em the wrong idea. Always preferred the wham, bam thank you mam approach. No confusion then.”

“Not even with the first bloke you were with?” Callum didn’t want to push but he still couldn’t quite absorb the idea.

“Nah. By then I had Lex and like I said she has always been priority.” Ben conceded. “The first bloke I was with, well he was kinda a mate. Gave me my first taste of bein with a bloke, but made it clear that’s it all it was. Suited me n all. I trusted him and he helped confirm I was gay. Was understandin n all that, taught me a few tricks, but he was like me. Didn’t hang around after. To be honest it’s all I wanted. I focused on Lex and followed in his footsteps, gettin me kicks then movin on. So no I’ve never had an actual date.”

“So is this you askin me on a date?” Callum asked timidly, he was pretty sure that’s what Ben was saying, but he needed the confirmation.

Ben was clearly embarrassed but tried to sound casual in his response, “Well, just figured that if I was gonna try a date may as well be with you. That way if it goes horribly wrong, you’ll be outta here in a a coupla days. So won’t have to face you!”

Callum curved his lips into a half smile, although the reality of what this actually was again made his heart sink a little. “Okay,” he agreed. “Although you should know, I don’t sleep with someone on a first date!” he jested.

Ben’s eyes lit up at that and a cocky grin appeared on his face. “Like you can resist my charms,” he said licking his lips.

Callum leant over to him and whispered in his ear, “Like I’d want to.” The action had the response he’d hoped for and before he knew it Ben pounced on him, hands wandering all over his body. It was clear that sex was being used as a diversion technique, one which reinforced what they actually were doing. It was a welcome distraction that stopped Callum thinking too deeply about what they could be if they had time. One he knew he could rely on to make him feel alive and clear his mind. Afterwards they lay side by side, breathing heavily, sweat dripping off their bodies and desperately trying to come down from their high. Callum stared at the beautiful blue sky above them, unable to stop his thoughts drifting to the the date they had planned. It dawned on him that Ben may have never been made to feel special by anyone. The thought made him feel downcast. Despite how his relationships had gone south, there were points in both, where both Chris and Johnny had made him feel special. Taking him out on dates or making gestures to show him how much he meant to them. A sickening feeling of guilt filled his stomach as he realised he may have never actually reciprocated this to them the way he should. Realising he didn’t want to make the same mistake with Ben he made a suggestion. “Let me take you out on a date!”

“Huh?” Ben’s face contorted with confusion. “I thought I already asked you that?”

“No…I mean you did but…” Once again he found himself stumbling over his words. The effects Ben had on him had always clouded his mind, but now he couldn’t escape the nerves he felt as he discussed this with him. “I want to make it special for you. Might be the only one you have and I want it to be good one. Call it a partin gift from me, somethin to remember me by. Let me plan it?” Callum asked gently.

Ben took a deep breath, before looking at Callum like he’d offered him the world. “Okay.” It seemed like he was overwhelmed and for a minute the air between them was thick. Callum’s heart began to race at the way he was looking at him, he didn’t thing Ben had ever looked at him like that before. Ben soon seemed to realise what he was doing and quickly changed expression to a more jovial one. “I expect the full works though, takes a lot to woo me!” he jested.

“I’ll see what I can do!” Callum replied with a grin. One thing he was certain of was that he was going to make this date special. Ben deserved that. He was determined to make this a night to remember.


	9. Crossing Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank everyone who took the time to read, comment and leave kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot. 
> 
> I actually managed to finish the whole story today so I thought I might try and post the last few chapters more frequently as I just need to proof read and edit them before I post and that doesn’t take as long. Hence why I’m posting this chapter more quickly than the others. 
> 
> Again apologies if I have missed any errors when proof reading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy their date :-)

To say that butterflies were fluttering in Callum’s stomach would be an understatement. It was more like they were frantically flapping, trying to escape the tornado that swirled rapidly inside. Even though it was his suggestion that he planned the date, when it came to it it highlighted how little he actually felt he knew about Ben. Apart from the activities they’d done, the music he’d sang along to and a mention of how he liked to watch the sunset, Callum had little idea of what Ben would like. He had wanted to make the date so special but he wasn’t sure he would get it right. Therefore he’d just gone with what he considered would be romantic, hoping that even if Ben hated it, he would appreciate the effort. Callum had thought long and hard about it and spent the whole day planning it. He’d researched events, locations and times and made reservations at the appropriate places. Once all of that was arranged, he then spent the rest of the day deciding what to wear. Although this was a different kind of date, he still wanted to look good and show off his best assets. Just like any other first date, he wanted to make an impression on Ben. He just hoped it would be a lasting one. After long deliberation, he picked out a casual white shirt and his blue skinny jeans. He had a bit of an advantage as Ben had already shown his appreciation for them. Composing himself by taking deep breaths, he took one last look in the mirror before he left. Confident he looked good, he felt ready, ready to make Ben feel special. He just hoped that the night was going to be as perfect as he’d hoped.

Saying quick goodbyes to the boys, he headed out of the Villa. He hadn’t divulged any of his plans to his friends, including Lee. He worried that if he told him he wouldn’t be able to help but worry and try and advise him. Normally he would be grateful but tonight he wanted it to be just about him and Ben. He knew that he’d have Lee’s words ringing in his ears every step of the way if he had coached him through it. Tonight he wanted it to be all from him, his way of thanking Ben for the time they’d shared. He couldn’t risk anything ruining that. They’d agreed to meet somewhere neutral, Callum wanting to respect Ben’s privacy about his home. Callum suggested meeting at a spot on the seafront they both knew. Arriving first he couldn’t believe how beautiful the ocean looked early in the evening. Gazing at it, he instantly felt calm, he’d come to love the view and how it settled him. It saddened him to think how much he’d miss it when his holiday came to an end. As he turned his head to take in more of the panorama, his eyes caught view of another stunning sight. Callum gulped strongly at the vision strolling towards him. He’d always known Ben was sexy, but tonight he was looking at him in a different way. Ben had clearly made an effort, he wore a fitted pale blue shirt and black fitted trousers. Taking Callum’s breath away more and more as he approached, it was the first time he felt he’d actually seen how beautiful Ben truly was. His heart began to pound at what felt like a million beats per minute and everything else in the background seemed to blur. All he could see was the gorgeous man, smiling warmly at him as he neared. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he knew he he would scare Ben off by giving him a glimpse into his thoughts, so he tried desperately to push his them away and create a fake aura of being relaxed.

“Hey,” he heard fall from Ben’s lips as he finally reached him.

“Hey,” was all Callum could muster as he tried desperately to not let his outward appearance show how his insides were trembling.

“You scrub up well!” Ben couldn’t help but look him up and down and appraise him.

Callum tried to sound relaxed as he spoke, “Thanks. You look great too,” he replied. Ben smiled warmly, also looking shy, before nodding as a silent way of offering thanks to Callum. Callum got the impression Ben didn’t do well with these kind of compliments, knowing that he may not be used to receiving them. “Shall we?” Callum asked placing his had in his hip, creating a loop for Ben to link his arm. Ben again signalled his approval for the gesture and slid his arm through the space. Callum tried hard to not show how being this close to Ben, in this way, was affecting him, turning and guiding them in the direction of their destination. Callum lead the way and engaged in idle chatter as they walked. For the first time that week they hadn’t spent the day together, so he enquired about how Ben’s day had been. Ben causally told him what he’d been up to, spending time with Lexi, helping her perfect her routine for her upcoming dance recital. The love he clearly had for his daughter, warmed Callum’s heart, reminding him of how lucky she was to have him. He thought how it was a shame not all children were as lucky to have a dad like Ben. It had become one of the many reasons his admiration for him had grown in recent days. After walking for a while they reached their destination. Callum had spotted the bistro near the edge of a small cliff a few days ago. It had a beautiful terrace over looking the rocks of the bay. He’d managed to secure a table at the edge of the terrace with an ideal view of the ocean.

Ben was clearly impressed, “Wow…this is amazin…stunnin. You do go all out with the romance don’t you?”

“I aim to please.” Callum answered dryly, again trying not to show the excitement he felt inside at Ben’s approval.

A waiter approached them to lead them to their table, “This way Senor Highway,” he gestured.

“Highway?” Ben questioned.

“What?” Callum replied a little confused.

Ben shook his head quickly, “Oh nothin, it’s just the first time I’ve heard your surname.” Callum laughed realising it was true. They had no need to share this information before. Their relationship hadn’t been the kind where they would need to know. “Mine’s Mitchell, in case you were wonderin.” Callum acknowledged the information with a smile as they sat down. Ben Mitchell, he thought to himself. Knowing it would be a name he would be unlikely to forget.

Once they got to their table they perused the menu deciding what to eat, then ordering promptly. Callum chose a fine wine, using his knowledge of working on restaurants to help him impress. He was worried that actually sitting face to face for longer than they had before may be uncomfortable and they may run out of things to say. However it was the opposite. The conversation flowed freely and it turned out they had plenty to learn about each other. Callum filled Ben in on his career as a chef and how much he loved it. Ben talked more about his ambitions about owning his own bar and what plans he had for it I’d it ever happened. It turned out they both loved being near the ocean and agreed that they’d never felt more at home than when they were in close proximity to it. Ben asked Callum if he’d ever thought about moving near the coast and Callum realised that he’d never even considered it. For the first time he admitted he’d been so desperate to stay close to the Carters and the security of family they given him, that he’d always been too scared by the thought of branching out in his own. Ben understood and acknowledged it would take a lot for him to break from the family he’d created. Although he made it clear, he thought it might be time to make some changes. Callum deliberately avoided the subject of Johnny, not wanting to mar what a good time they were having. Instead he’d steered the conversation to favourite films, music and hobbies. He was a little surprised hear of Ben’s fondness for musicals and how he didn’t appreciate a good superhero film. Of course Ben took the opportunity to point out that the only reason Callum liked them so much was due to the attractive men in revealing outfits. The seemed to enjoy the witty repartee they shared, being equal sparring partners. At the end dinner it occurred to Callum that he hadn’t felt this at ease and laughed so much on a date in his life. As dates went, this was turning out to probably be the best he’d ever had.

When dinner ended Callum paid, even though Ben had tried to insist they split it. Callum was determined to spoil Ben tonight and give him the full on romantic date experience. Both were feeling relaxed in each other’s company and shared warm smiles as they moved out of the restaurant. The next part of the date required a little walk out into the rocks. Callum had hoped he’d worked out the timing right and led a Ben to the edge of the bay. Ben looked puzzled at what they could be doing until Callum finally sat down on a dry area near the edge. “Thought we could watch the sunset,” he suggested as he patted the rock next to him for a Ben to join him.

Again Ben looked speechless as he slowly stopped and sat bedside him. His huge beam told Callum everything he needed to know though, as he looked at down at him, “You do pay attention to detail don’t you.”

Callum shrugged, again trying to hide his inner thrill at making a Ben smile the way he was. “I try.” The sun was just hovering over the horizon, creating a reddy-orange glow at the base of the sky and atop of the ocean. It took about half an hour for the sun to fully set, during that time little words were exchanged. Eventually Callum sat back placing his arms behind him and leaning his hands on the rock. Ben mirrored him before looking towards Callum. Callum turned his head to meet his eyes, “It’s beautiful innit?”

Ben gazed intently into his eyes, the rise and the fall of his chest highlighting how deeply he was breathing. “Yeh it is,” he uttered breathily. As he did he hooked his little finger around Callum’s. Callum’s whole hand tingled from the touch. This was a new sensation for him and from the look on Ben’s face, he sensed it was for him too. Both were clearly overwhelmed by the moment and at the exact same point turned away from each other to face the ocean. Their fingers remained joined, as the sun finally disappeared below the horizon and began to cast shadows over the island.

As nighttime began to settle Callum, knew it was time to leave, even though he didn’t really want to. “Come on,” he instructed Ben to stand up.

“What there’s more?” Ben was clearly surprised by the news. “You really do go all out on a date don’t you.”

Callum blushed at the notion. If he was honest he never had before, but he wanted to go all out for Ben. “Well. I don’t normally get passed dinner to be honest…but as this is the only date we will have I thought I’d go the extra mile.” Ben nodded and smiled, although it didn’t quite meet his eyes this time. Callum held out his hand to help Ben up and he took it gladly. As Callum went to release it, Ben gripped more tightly and Callum felt a jolt of electricity flow through him. It was similar to the sensation he’d felt when their hands met by the pool that night but this time it was even stronger. It scared him and excited him in equal measure. Callum thought the wine must have had more of an effect on them than he had thought as they walked hand in hand along the seafront and into the main town.

Finally they reached their last destination of the evening. It was a hotel situated a little further back from the beach. Ben’s eyes widened and as he realised where Callum was leading him. “Don’t tell me you got us a room?” he asked excitedly.

“Erm sorry to disappoint…but that would be presumptuous and a gent like me would never do that,” he joked.

Ben laughed heartily at the idea. “You do know I’m here for the takin right?” Callum just rolled his eyes before smile back at him. “Okay so if we’re not here for that, what are we here for?” Ben couldn’t help but be baffled as to why else they’d come to a hotel.

“You’ll see.” Callum teases leading him to the bar area. Unfortunately there were no seats , so they headed to the bar and grabbed more drinks before finding a place to stand. After a few minutes the compere appeared on stage to announce the final act of the evening. It was none other than the legend that was Elton John, well the island’s best tribute act. Ben looked across at Callum and shook his head with a huge smile. “What you can’t beat a bit of Elton?” Callum echoed Ben’s words from the car the other day. Ben beamed at him and squeezed his hand as the first song began playing. Ben sang along to all the songs as he attempted to force Callum into dancing. Callum let Ben move around him, but he was determined not to join in. Rhythm was one thing he didn’t possess and he wasn’t going to make a complete and utter fool of himself. Ben was clearly enjoying himself and it made Callum’s heart soar, that despite not knowing Ben all that well, he had seemingly made him happy.

As the show neared it’s end, a few more drinks had been consumed and Callum had loosened up enough to attempt some movement to the music. All of a sudden the tempo changed and Ben’s eyes lit up when the intro to Tiny Dancer began to play, “It’s our song, you have to dance with me!”

“Err since when did we have a song?”

Callum asked in a state of bewilderment.

“Oh come on, it was on in the car the other day. Please!” Ben implored him, giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen. He was powerless to resist and found himself being lead to the dance floor. He placed his hands around Callum’s neck and Callum’s found his waist as the both pulled each other increasingly close together. As they swayed together in time to the music, Ben stared him right in the eye singing along. Callum could feel his warm breath against his skin as he did.

It felt like Ben was singing every word to him. Every time the word highway was sung he pointed towards Callum in a dramatic fashion, making Callum laugh heartily. He wondered if Ben would think of him whenever he heard the song in future, he knew that it would forever remind him of the truly amazing person he found in his arms. As the song neared the end their eyes had become fixed on each other’s. Callum felt the urge to lean in to connect their lips. It took all his will not to, remembering the clear message Ben gave to him on their first night together. When the song ended Callum pulled away and for a split second it looked like Ben was disappointed. They listened to the last two numbers and the show ended. “So any other tricks up your sleeve?” Ben asked flippantly.

Callum gave him the softest of smiles, “Maybe one more…Fancy a moonlit stroll on the beach?” Ben gestured his agreement with an eager nod and with that Callum took his hand in his again and lead him out of the hotel. It was only a short walk to the shoreline. Callum instructed Ben to remove his footwear when they arrived at the beach. Ben complied without question, trusting Callum completely. The ocean looked so beautiful, the moonlight bounced off it creating the most enchanting glow as they walked. The sensation of the cool sand against his feet, made Callum’s body tingle, coupled with the feeling of holding Ben’s hand it was seeing his heart into overdrive. There were no words exchanged again, but instead of awkwardness it was nothing but tranquility that filled Callum’s mind. After a few moments of silence, he had to seek reassurance that Ben had really enjoyed his night. “So…How was your first date?”

Ben stopped dead in his tracks and turned so he was again facing Callum head on. The look of affection and warmth of his grin told Callum he already knew the answer, but he needed to hear the words. “It was…pretty amazing actually. You know how to make a guy feel special.”

Callum’s felt like his heart was singing, he’d made Ben feel special. There hadn’t been many achievements in his life that he was proud of, but that one meant so much to him. Ben sighed wistfully as Callum looked at him,” I didn’t think datin was for me, but well let’s just say you’ve a gone long way to changin my mind.

Callum couldn’t hide his excitement this time, a wide smile creeping form war to ear. “Well I’m glad I’ve opened your eyes to the benefit of datin. If you’d let em you’d have a queue of men willing to take you on another one. Could easily find someone better than me to romance you?” Callum knew that Ben could have the pick of his pick of men. Everything about him was sexy and now he’d got to know him he’d seen what a wonderful person he was. Callum knew his faux confidence had drawn Ben in on the first night and that he was lucky that they had such a physical connection, but he couldn’t help but feel he had very little else to offer him. He didn’t think he was sexy and he’d been happy to play the loveable, goofy guy for so long. It was only around Ben that this more confident side came out. His insecurities had always picked away at him and now, seeing how stunning Ben looked in moonlight, they rose to the forefront once again.

Ben’s eyebrows turned inwards, clearly unsure of what to make of Callum’s statement. “What d’you mean?”

“Oh come of it Ben, I ain’t under no illusions as to the fact you’re way out of my league. You’re gorgeous and sexy and could have anyone you wanted. I’m just some lanky moron, who ain’t got a clue…” he was stopped from his ramblings by Ben’s finger pressing against his lips a clear indication for him to shut up. Callum couldn’t stop his body trembling this time as Ben’s hand cupped his cheek softly.

Ben looked him in the eye with such intensity that Callum’s heart began to pound so hard he was certain Ben would hear it thud in his chest. “Callum,” he groaned, “You need to stop sellin yourself short. You are beautiful inside and out. I don’t know why you can’t see it yourself.” Ben gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. Ben’s words were the last blow to all the barriers Callum had put up to defend himself. Callum couldn’t fight his feelings any longer. Finally giving in and doing what he’d been wanting to for so long, leaning forward and placing his lips softly against Ben’s. Ben seemed shocked but he pressed back gently. The sparks that flew for Callum were so powerful in that moment, all from the softest press of Ben’s lips against his own. He had never felt like this from kissing someone before. Not even that first kiss with Lee, that made him accept who he was, felt this intense. Ben’s lips felt warm and soft, and his stubble tantalised Callum more than any sensation ever had. All of a sudden Ben pulled back as if he realised what Callum had done. Callum couldn’t read the expression on his face, he seemed baffled by what had just happened. Callum’s heart suddenly dropped, assuming Ben was horrified by what he’d done. He’d crossed that line, the one Ben had drawn so firmly from the very first time they’d met.

Feeling angry at himself for allowing himself to get caught up in the moment, he tried to backtrack and apologise to Ben. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to…”but before he could finish Ben pulled his head back towards his and crashed their lips together more firmly. This kiss was deeper than their first, open mouthed, stronger, tongues dancing together. Callum felt like fireworks were exploding all around him as the kiss quickly became heated. It wasn’t like the heat that they’d previously shared, this was far more sensual and tender. Although the kiss was full of passion and intensity, it wasn’t frantic and fuelled by desire. It was the most intimate kiss he had shared in his life. Standing there in the moonlight, by the ocean, Callum felt like he was in some sort of romantic movie. Kissing Ben like this was intoxicating, clouding Callum’s mind with the most beautiful haze. It was a moment in life he would treasure, one he didn’t want to end. Unfortunately it had to as both men needed to take a moment to breathe, all their breath being absorbed in their kiss. Callum searched Ben’s face for a response, hoping that it wouldn’t be one of regret or horror. Relief washed over him when Ben smiled earnestly, rubbing circles into Callum’s neck with his thumbs. Callum was afraid to speak, fearing he could say the wrong thing and ruin the moment. Instead he brought his own hands up to Ben’s face and leant in again for one more kiss.

Ben responded softly, before he pulled back one final time. “Take me back to yours,” he begged in a whisper and Callum nodded slowly. There was nothing he wanted more. Interlocking his fingers with Ben’s he took his hand in his again as they walked along the beach silently. Neither of them felt the need for words, their actions tonight had conveyed more than they could ever articulate. Every now and then they glanced at each other, simultaneously locking eyes briefly. Both couldn’t stop the smile that crept up their face as they did. It was clear that things had changed between them and Callum couldn’t wait to get back to find out what the next step would feel like.

When they arrived back at the villa, Callum was relieved that it was empty. Still holding tightly onto Ben’s hand he led him up the stairs to his room. After closing the door behind them both, he sat on the bed and gestured for Ben to join him. Ben sat down next to him and for the first time ever Callum could see he was nervous. For a moment they just gazed longingly into each other’s blue eyes. Callum’s whole body quivered as Ben’s fingers gently swiped some hair from his face. Ben was also trembling, his legs moving frantically up and down as he regarded Callum. Both seemed to know that what was about to happen was different from all the other times. In their previous encounters clothes would have have been discarded by now. Hands and mouths would be desperately searching for areas that would give the most pleasure in the quickest time. However both men seemed to be in no rush, almost as if they were yearning to commit everything about the night to memory. Eventually Callum brought his hands up to the back of Ben’s head and pulled him in closer. Their lips meeting again in a slow, tender kiss. As the kiss deepened, Callum moved them both to lay on the bed. There was no attempt to remove clothing or take things further initially, just to continue to enjoy kissing and stroking each other gently. Both hummed into each other’s mouth as they kissed. Throughout their time together they had always managed to elicit the most primal sounds from each other. This wasn’t like that though, the moans of ecstasy were different to any either had made before. Callum was sure his legs would buckle at the sounds Ben was making, if they weren’t lying down.

It seemed like they had been kissing for hours, before Callum pulled back to catch his breath. Ben’s lips were swollen and red from the length of the kiss. As Callum scanned his face he noticed how his eyes sparkled as the moonlight that shone through the window hit them. “You’re so beautiful.” He couldn’t hold back his thoughts in that moment. Knowing Ben’s utterance of these words to him earlier had set in motion the shift in direction that had lead them here. He needed Ben to know that he felt the same way about him, how much he meant to him. Ben looked overcome with emotion at Callum’s words, swallowing hard as if to try and keep his own composure. He reached up to run his fingers through Callum’s hair, pulling his lips back down to his as he did. With this movement their bodies became pressed even closer together, both becoming aware that each other was having a clear physical reaction to their new found connection. Callum slowly placed a hand under Ben’s shirt and began gently caressing his skin underneath. Ben reached up and began to unbutton Callum’s shirt, which began the process of them leisurely removing each other’s clothing. Again there was no haste, each taking their time to touch and kiss each other in a way they never had before. Callum felt like Ben had kissed every inch of his body and he’d made sure he’d done the same. Both rolling over in turn to ensure that each was equally cared for and looked after. After experiencing the most intense foreplay he ever had, Callum was ready for the next part and he could tell from the desperation in Ben’s moans and look in his face he was too. Once prepared they found themselves in a position they never had before, facing each other while their bodies were connected in the closet way they’d ever been. It seemed like their bodies intrinsically knew what to do when joined. They had always had the perfect synchronicity and moved together to ensure both got what they needed from each other. Although that had stayed the same, this time the pace and fluidity of their movements was different. Their lips were connected throughout, as they glided slowly together, making sure each sensation they gave each other lasted as long as possible. Callum knew that this wasn’t just a pleasure seeking act, this was about each of them expressing their affection for each other. This was making love and for the first time in his life, Callum truly understood the meaning of that expression. Lasting longer than any previous time they had been together, it all became too much. Through their groans and breathing each man was making it clear they were nearing their climax. Like everything else that had happened that evening they reached their mutual high together, calling each other’s name in unison against each other’s lips.

After it had ended they returned to kissing tenderly again. Before long Callum left the bed to retrieve a cloth from the bathroom to clean each other. Even this was different. Normally they’d just clean themselves up but this time they took time to clean each other, not wasting any chance to show their care and affection for each other. Lying together in the afterglow, they held each other properly for the first time. Ben rested his head against Callum’s chest, it was obvious he would hear the pounding of his heart. Callum hoped he knew that in the moment it was beating only for him. Callum ran one hand through Ben’s hair and then trailed the fingers of his other up and down Ben’s arm. Ben also traced delicate patterns over Callum’s defined torso and stomach. Each featherlight touch both stimulated and soothed him in equal measure. Breathing deeply, he inhaled Ben’s scent, wanting to commit everything about this beautiful man in his arms to memory. He had no idea what tomorrow would bring them and for now he ignored the thought of it, wanting to focus solely on the present, on the feelings that had been awakened in him tonight, on the fact that he’d had been finally able to share such a sincere connection with someone. Ben turned his head up towards him, indicating he was seeking out Callum’s lips once more. Callum lowered his face so their lips could meet once more. For the last few moments of consciousness they exchanged deep and soft kisses before succumbing to exhaustion. It was the first time they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and the most settled Callum had ever felt when drifting off. He knew they had definitely crossed the line from a merely physical relationship into something deeper. He didn’t know what that could be. One thing was for sure though whatever it was it had forever changed him.


	10. Being Honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all of you who read, commented and left kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot.
> 
> I once again managed to edit this next chapter so thought I’d update it as it was done. Apologies if I have missed any errors while proofreading. 
> 
> This next part is a bit longer than usual. All I’m going to say is I’m sorry :-(. I hope you can still enjoy it though x

Callum’s nightly visions that night were so vivid. Full of flashbacks from the previous night. As he began to rouse from his sleep, he couldn’t help wonder if it had all just been a dream. The night had been by far the best of his life, it was almost to good to be true. Thinking back to the images that flashed up in his mind, he realised it wasn’t only pictures he could see. He could still feel Ben’s lips against his and the delicate touches he’d given him all over his body. He could still smell Ben’s scent, engulfing him as he breathed in every last air of him. He could still taste Ben’s tongue on his and he could still hear those melodic moans he made as they kissed each other. All of this made him realise they weren’t lucid dreams but glorious memories, thus making his heart swell for the man he’d shared them with. Realising that the warmth he felt surrounding him was coming from the man still wrapped up in his arms, he slowly opened his eyes. They mustn’t have shifted position at all in the night, reinforcing to him how he was the most at peace he’d ever felt. Looking down, his eyes soon fell on Ben, whose eyes appeared to be fixed on Callum. For a brief moment Callum could have sworn the look of Ben’s face was pure adoration as he smiled at him softly. “Mornin,” he croaked out softly, his voice a little hoarse.

“Mornin,” Ben replied smiling gently at him. Callum instinctively leant down to reconnect their lips but Ben’s expression immediately switched to one of panic. He recoiled almost in horror at Callum’s advance and sprang off the bed as quick as he could.

Callum’s was mortified and confused by Ben’s obvious need to distance himself from him. “What is my mornin breath that bad?” he quipped trying to sound as light hearted as possible.

Ben shuffled awkwardly around the room, eyes firmly set on the floor. “Nah…it’s just I had a message from Lo, sayin she ill and needs me to look after Lex.” Callum thought it was the quickest he’d ever seen Ben pull his trousers up, including the time they’d almost been caught out in the public toilets. A sadness washed over him as he suspected he’d just achieved another first with Ben. The first time Ben had lied to him.

“Right,” he sighed, utterly confused as to what had caused Ben to react like this, wondering what he’d done wrong. He wanted to confront Ben, demand an explanation for the sudden change in his demeanour, but ultimately knowing that right now they were teetering on the brink. One false move and they would send them crashing over the edge. Whatever happened he didn’t want it to end badly between them.

Ben continued to dress hurriedly, refusing to look at Callum even once. Finally he was fully clothed and briefly glanced at Callum. “I’d erm…better go.” he mumbled and he leaned his head towards the door, indicating he was about to leave.

“Okay,” Callum conceded defeat. “Will I see you later?” He desperately hoped this wouldn’t be the last encounter they had.

“I…er…I dunno…depends.” Ben was stumbling over his words. “I’ll text you later yeah.” Callum nodded and with that Ben turned and walked hastily out of the door. As soon as he’d gone Callum sank back onto the bed, grabbing a pillow to cover his face. It was obvious from his desperation to get away from Callum as quickly as possible, that Ben regretted what had happened between them the night before. Callum couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. He asked himself how he could he let himself believe that last night had meant as much to Ben as it had to him. Ben had obviously just had his inhibitions lowered by the alcohol and let it cloud his judgment and actions. For a brief moment he questioned himself, it had all felt so real. Ben had seemed to share his enjoyment of it all as much as he had. He was certain at the time that Ben felt more for him, that there was genuine affection behind his actions. Then it hit him it was all just wishful thinking, he wanted it to be true so much that he’d let himself believe it was. That’s why Ben panicked when he went to kiss him again this morning. Ben clearly saw how much it had meant to Callum and felt guilty that it wasn’t the same for him. It was the only explanation Callum could think of for what had happened. He fisted the bed in frustration, as a single tear fell from his eyes. The recognition reaching him that his heart had once again betrayed him, allowing him to fall in love with someone who would never love him back. He was back where he started, only this time it was worse. This time he’d had a taste of what he thought it was like to have that love, to wake up with someone you cared so deeply about, to make love to them, to hold that person who was so precious to you in your arms. No this time he knew he was about to be plunged into a pit of despair deeper than any he’d been in before and he had no idea how he could climb out of it.

He lay in the bed for what felt like most of the morning. It appeared he had lost all desire to get up and face the world. Soaking up the scent of Ben on the sheets, he finally realised he was just torturing himself. Lying there and recalling all the memories he’d made, did little to help his frame of mind. After a while he made the decision to get up and shower, hoping it would clear his head and wash away some of the shame he was feeling. Of course it didn’t, he wasn’t sure what would help but he decided he needed a distraction so he headed downstairs to find Lee and the others hoping he could join them on whatever they had planned.

“Hey, stranger!” Lee teased as Callum made his way to the pool where they were all laying. “Not got plans with lover boy today?”

Callum took a deep breath, trying to compose himself in the hope he would sound casual. The last thing he wanted was to hear the _‘I told you so,”_ from Lee. “Nah he’s busy today, so thought I’d see if I could join you guys.”

“Oh right, I get it…only want us when there’s no better offers.” Lee jested.

“Ain’t like that!” Callum snapped.

Lee was a little bit taken a back with Callum’s tone. “Keep your hair on mate. I’m only messin. You alright?” concern evident in Lee’s voice.

Callum sucked harshly on his lips trying hard to control his emotions. “Yeh…Sorry just tired. Not much sleep last night.” he sighed.

“ _Oh yeah,”_ Lee winked, “Shame he couldn’t entertain you on our last full day here.” Callum just smiled weakly at the insinuation, before his heart once again fell at the thought they were leaving tomorrow and that he may never see Ben again. “Well we were thinkin of a booze cruise. Get tanked up all day and then have plenty of time to sleep it off before the plane tomorrow. Wanna join us?”

Callum wasn’t sure it was the best of ideas, but then again maybe drowning his sorrows would help him forget them. “Count me in.”

“Okay. Well it leaves at 3pm. So we’re gonna head out in a bit for a big lunch to line our stomachs. Leave in about an hour.” Callum nodded and went back inside. He wasn’t sure this would help anything but he knew being on his own with all his thoughts wasn’t going to help him today. The whirlwind that was swirling round his mind was ripping him apart. Maybe a day with his friends would be just what he needed to weather the storm.

As the hour came, all the men headed out of the villa and to a local pizza restaurant. They thought it would be the best thing to help prepare for the day ahead. Callum could not get what happened with Ben out of his mind. Lee could tell he was a little withdrawn and questioned him as to whether he was okay, constantly. Callum tried to reassure him that he was and asked him to leave it. After they had finished eating they were just prepared to leave when Callum heard someone shouting his name. He spun around only find Lexi, standing in front of him. Although he had only met her once himself, with everything that Ben had shared with him he felt like knew the little girl well. He couldn’t help but smile as he greeted her, realising at the moment how much she looked like a Ben. “Hi Lexi.” Then he remembered what Ben had told him earlier and his heart went into overdrive at the thought Ben could be with her. “Are you with your Dad?” he asked in anticipation.

“Nah I ain’t seen him all day.” Callum felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach, he suspected Ben had lied him but this was the confirmation he needed for him to finally accept it.

Before they could speak any further, a pretty blonde woman approached them, looking relatively unimpressed. “Lexi, what have I told you about talkin to strangers!” She hollered.

“He ain’t a stranger!” Lexi snapped back in defence. “He’s the one who helped me at the water park. You know the one who knows Dad.”

The woman eyed Callum suspiciously, before her expression softened at the understanding of who he was. “Oh so you’re the hero of the hour.” She uttered in a semi-sarcastic tone.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he mumbled feeling very uncomfortable. “Callum,” he held out his hand feeling the need to introduce himself.

“Lola,” she reciprocated the gesture. “So you’re a friend of Ben’s?” She enquired.

Callum began to panic. He had no clue if Ben would have mentioned him to her. In fact he was almost certain he wouldn’t have, knowing how he liked to keep that part of his life separate from others. “I wouldn’t say friends, just acquaintances I guess.” _Soon we’ll be nothin,_ he thought to himself. Lola gave him a look he couldn’t quite comprehend. One that suggested she didn’t really believe him. He was just about to make his excuses and leave when another familiar face approached them. The man he’d seen with Ben at the bar the first night they met approached looking rather annoyed.

“Well he ain’t comin!” he grumbled as he approached. “Been like a bear with a sore head all mornin. Don’t know what’s got into him. Said he’d catch up with us later, after he’d found someone to help him relieve his frustration. That he’d be more sociable then,” he shook his head indicating his annoyance. “Honestly don’t know what’s up with him today. He’s been so much more chilled lately, almost like he was happy. But somethin’s got up his nose again, so instead of talkin about it, he reverts to type, sept he don’t normally go chasin tail in the daytime. No idea what all that’s about.” Lola gave the man a swift punch on the arm, a clear sign for him to shut up, though it wasn’t clear whether it was for Lexi’s or Callum’s benefit. Callum knew exactly who they were talking about and his heart broke slightly at the notion of what Ben was off doing. He’d definitely got the message now. Dropping his head he hoped he could hide his anguish from the people in front of him.

“Right well I’d better be off, got a boat to catch.” Callum stated before anyone had the chance to say anything again. “Nice to see you again and to meet you.” He said diverting his eyes between Lexi, Lola and Jay. He turned on his heel and headed for the door as quickly as he could, gesturing to Lee and the others that he was heading outside. He ignored the calls for him to _wait a minute_ , that came from behind him. Not being able to stand the thought that he’d give anymore of himself away to Ben. Once he got outside he leant up against the wall, almost hyperventilating as he tried to control the tears that threatened to cascade from his face. He had no idea how it could have possibly gone so wrong, between him and Ben. It had gone from them being so close, sharing the most intimate night of his life, to Ben being so horrified by what they’d shared, he’d quickly gone to find someone else. Someone who was clearly on the same wavelength as him. Clearly no matter what Callum had thought and hoped, him and Ben were once again worlds apart. At that exact moment, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. For the briefest moment he felt a glimmer of hope that it could be Ben. That he wasn’t out looking for a random person to satisfy his need, that he only wanted to be with him. When he saw the name on the screen he was filled with disappointment.

**Johnny**

**_Hey. I hope you’re okay. I know you’re due back tomorrow night. I think it would be good if we could talk. If you’re ready that is. I’ve missed you xxx_ **

****

After reading the message he was filled with guilt. He’d barely given Johnny a second thought while he was here, he certainly hadn’t missed him. He let out a roar of frustration, feeling like he’d messed everything up. He had no idea what to reply, so he did the only thing he could. Ignore the message and hope that if he got drunk enough today he could forget everything. As soon as Lee and the others emerged from the restaurant he joined them and they walked to the jetty they were departing from. Callum tried to feign excitement the others clearly had. If nothing else he was great at pretending everything was okay. Why change the habit of a lifetime?

The booze cruise proved the welcome distraction he’d hoped. Being on the ocean had its usual calming affect for Callum, breathing in the fresh sea air helped him feel more relaxed. That or the many shots he’d consumed in the couple of hours they’d been aboard. Lee had become more and more concerned for him as the cruise went on and slowed his own drinking down to take care of his friend, actually concerned he would end up overboard as he stumbled around the deck. Callum reached for another shot and Lee quickly grabbed it from his hand. “Mate I think you’ve had enough.”

Callum frowned at him. “Nooo….wherrrre…neeeear.” he slurred each word elongated. He lunged forward to try and snatch the drink back from Lee, but in his inebriated state he just ended up falling into him. Lee managed to just about stay strong enough to steady them both, before managing to guide Callum to the nearest seat.

“Right that’s it mate no more. I ain’t jumpin in there after you.” He asserted firmly.

“Please mate, it’s helpin me forget.” Callum sighed deeply. “I need to get it all out me head. Get him out me head.”

“So this is about Ben?” Lee asked cautiously, knowing whatever it was Callum was feeling really fragile.

“Gone and done it again ain’t I! Gone and fallen for another bloke that so ain’t ever gonna love me back. You think…I mighta learned my lesson…but nooooo…stupid me goes and does it again.”

Callum was rambling and not making much sense to Lee. “Mate, I don’t know what’s happened with Ben so I can’t comment on that. And I know things didn’t exactly work out great with you and John but I know he loved you. He probably still does, he just messed up.”

Callum was clearly letting his intoxication take control. His filter had gone and he was just blurting out whatever was on his mind. “I ain’t talkin about Johnny!” he cried looking at Lee like he was some sort of idiot.

Lee looked completely baffled, then his eyes widened as he thought he made sense of what Callum said. “What you mean there was someone else? Not while you were with John?”

“There’s always been someone else…you!” Callum pointed strongly at Lee as if it was obvious and not like the secret he’d been keeping most of his adult life. Lee froze, completely shocked by the revelation. Before he had a chance to process it Callum continued his ramblings. “And now I finally got over you and I love Ben. But he don’t love me. Why can’t the people I love ever love me back?” And with that he collapsed into Lee’s shoulder, loud sobs escaping. Lee placed his arm around him to comfort him. His mind was blown by the revelation and he wasn’t sure what to say or do. One thing he knew for sure though was his best friend was hurting right now and no matter how he was feeling, he needed to take care of him.

All of a sudden Callum pulled back, “I’m gonna be sick!” he gagged really hard and Lee pulled him up and held him tight as he vomited over the side if the boat. He was relieved they didn’t have long left as he felt the journey back to sure would be a bumpy one, in more ways than one. Lee managed to get someone to bring them water and he took care of Callum. His own mind was in turmoil, he couldn’t work out of Callum had meant what he said or if it was just the alcohol talking. He decided that this had to be a conversation for another time and right now he just had to make sure they got back to shore in one piece. He was relieved when they finally touched shore a short while later. He managed to get the other lads to help him get Callum back to the villa safely. They shared a taxi back as were quite worse for wear. Unfortunately when they arrived back, Lee was left to his own devices, as the other lads could barely hold themselves upright, let alone Callum. It was then that he spotted Ben waiting on the porch. Ben looked deeply concerned when he saw the state Callum was in, that and guilty, obviously feeling like he was to blame.

“Mate can you help me get him upstairs?” Lee called out to him. Ben instantly ran over and placed Callum’s arm around his body attempting to hold him up.

Callum hadn’t really noticed he was there at first, but as soon as he touched him he knew it was him. Looking down at him in a confused state, he tried to speak. “What you doin here?”

“I tried to ring you,” Ben began to explain but Callum quickly cut him off.

“Ain’t no signal out at sea captain!” He garbled in what appeared to be an attempt at a sailors accent. He then tried to raise his arm from Ben in salute but ended up just slapping him in the face. “Sorry!” He cried.

“It’s alright! It’s fine.” Ben replied. “Think it’s best we keep movin okay.” Lee agreed and they quickly tried to steer Callum through the door and up the stairs.

Callum felt bad that he’d hurt Ben and bad that he’d let him down. “You need to go!” He said. Ben went to speak but Callum didn’t allow it. “No seriously, it’s fine. I get the message. I know you’ve been out lookin for _fun_ today.” Ben dropped his head to his chest, clearly ashamed that Callum was aware of this. “No don’t feel bad. It’s fine. We ain’t nothin, never have been, not to you anyway.” Ben raised his head back up to look at him, his face full of shame, he went to try and speak but faltered. Callum smiled warmly at him. “Don’t feel bad. You ain’t done nothin wrong. Now it’s early you’ve still got time to find someone else to scratch your itch.” They finally reached the bedroom and Callum stopped Ben from entering. Ben tried to shrug him off and continue to go with him. Callum suddenly felt a sense of frustration and spoke more angrily at him. “I’ll be gone tomorrow anyway…so it don’t matter. Go on, go find the next one.” Ben again tried to protest but Callum refused to let him. “Just Go! I don’t need you here messin with my head.” Even in his drunk state, Callum was trying to keep his guard up. He may have wanted nothing more than to take Ben to bed with him and hold him in his arms, but he couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t allow himself to fall even deeper. He felt a sense of nausea building in him, the emotion he was feeling clearly not mixing well with the alcohol. “Think I’m gonna chuck again!” He quickly dashed into the bathroom, managing to reach the toilet in time.

Ben looked forlorn and went to follow Callum into the bathroom. Lee stopped him in his tracks, knowing he had to protect his friend. “Mate I think it’s best if you leave it for tonight.”

“I just wanna make sure he’s alright.” Ben insisted trying to push past Lee.

Lee remained firm however, “Look mate his head’s a mess right now. He’s been spouting garbage all day. Think it’s best you let him sleep it off and talk in the mornin. Neither of you wants to say somethin you’ll regret.” Ben closed his eyes and sighed, clearly conceding that Lee was probably right. “I’ll take care of him. I promise.” Lee assured him, seeing that despite what Callum believed, Ben did actually care for him. Ben nodded weakly and walked away dejected as Lee headed into Callum’s room to make sure he was okay. Turns out he’d spend the night there, keeping his best friend safe.

The next morning Callum woke up with his head pounding. He put his arms over his eyes, to shield them from the sunshine that poked through the window. Slowly opening them, he rolled to face away from the window and was quite shocked when his arm hit a body next to him. It soon hit him that he had very little recollection of the day before and none at all of how he got home.

“It lives!” he heard a familiar voice say.

A sense of relief washed over him that it was Lee next to him and that he hadn’t embarrassed himself in front of anyone else. “Think I’m actually dyin mate.”

Lee let out a little chuckle, “Take these and drink a bit of water. Then try and get your head down a bit more. I’ll pack your case for you, save all the bendin. We’ve got hours before we have to leave for the airport, hopefully you’ll feel a bit more human by then. Callum did as he was told, he didn’t have the energy to argue. After a couple of hours more sleep he woke feeling slightly more coherent. He jumped in the shower and then got dressed, before adding the last of his belongings to the suitcase Lee had packed. He took one last look around the room, thinking about how much he was going to miss waking up to this view amongst other things. Finally he found the strength to drag his bag out of the room and down the stairs. Searching around for Lee and the others, he felt unnerved that the place was empty. Then he made his way out the pool and Lee was sat on a lounger staring out over the ocean. “How you doin?” he asked when he saw Callum approach.

“I’ve been better,” he shrugged. “So how much of a prat did I make of myself last night then?” Part of him was scared to ask, but he needed to know what had happened.

“Well…” Lee carefully considered his response, understanding that Callum was feeling very delicate at this moment. “You drank the booze cruise dry, then threw most of it back up over the side. You were also a little…erm emotional and sayin some weird stuff.”

Callum raised his hands to cover his face, unsure if he actually wanted an answer to the next question he was about to ask. “What did I say?”

“You were upset over Ben. Said you’d fallen for him and he didn’t love you back.” Callum screwed his eyes shut tight, “But,” Lee continued, “You also said you always fall for men who don’t love you back...that Ben wasn’t the first.”

Callum felt sick he, he just hoped that he hadn’t actually told Lee the whole truth. “Did I say who?” he asked with trepidation. Lee just nodded and Callum knew the game was up.

“Think it’s time to be honest now. Don’t you?” Callum couldn’t look at him, he hated himself for revealing the truth he had fought to stay buried. “Think you need to start at the beginning.” He looked up and Lee and knew the game was up, he was tired of trying to hide it any more and decided to lay it all out in the open. Lee listened sympathetically trying hard to be a good friend and not judge him. He did wince at the idea that Callum thought Johnny was the next best thing and that’s why he’d agreed to marry him, it was his brother after all and he hated the ideas that he’d inadvertently been a roadblock on his road to happiness. Other than that he just felt guilty that he’d never realised it before and that his ignorance had lead to heartache for Callum. “Does anyone else know?” Lee asked when Callum finally finished speaking feeling.

“Ben knows,” he admitted, “I told him that I had feelins for someone who was unavailable and he figured it out. That’s why he suggested we hang out more in the day. Thought I needed to put some distance between us, help me move on from you and figure out what I want.”

“And have you?” Lee asked with hope that he had.

Callum nodded, “Yeh I’ve moved on. I think I’m in love with Ben…No…I know I am.” Lee’s face was filled with pity, knowing that Callum felt like it was another lost cause. “Only he don’t feel the same. We had this amazin night together, went on a date and ended up getting closer, closer than usual. It was amazin. Only when we woke in the next mornin he couldn’t get out of here quick enough. Reckon he figured out how I was feelin and it freaked him out. It weren’t what he signed up for. Then I saw his kid in town with her mum and his brother and found out he was off lookin for the next bloke to crack on with. Clearly just wanted some no stings easy fun. It hurt.” Calum squeezed his eyes shut determined not to let any more tears fall. Once he’d composed himself he continued, “Then I got a message from Johnny sayin he wants to talk and he missed me and my head was wrecked. Hence why I got out of my tree. I just wanted to block it all out.”

“He was here last night,” Lee admitted. “Helped me get you to bed. He obviously felt bad for what had happened.”

“I didn’t tell him…” Callum began to ask, but Lee cut him off immediately not wanting him to worry.

“Nah. You told him to go so he did. But I think he might come back today. Despite what you’ve just said, I got the impression he does care mate.” Lee tried to get Callum to see that Ben maybe did feel something for him. Ben’s actions had resonated with Lee as they mirrored his own towards Whitney.

Callum shook his head. He wasn’t sure he could face seeing him. He had no idea what he would say. “He probably just feels guilty, doesn’t want it to end badly. I know he don’t feel the same.” Callum sighed deeply, he’d give anything to believe that he did, but Ben’s actions had shown him otherwise. He knew there was no hope. “Look there’s no point me gettin my hopes up. Anyway maybe there is still a chance for me and Johnny. I can try and do right by him, be better. It might work out this time.”

“No!” Lee almost yelled at him. “I’m sorry Callum, that ain’t fair on Johnny or you. I love you both and I want you to be happy. But he deserves to be better than second best to someone. He deserve to be the best!” He then approached Callum and placed a had on his shoulder. “And you deserve to have the best. You can’t love a half life any more. Both of you deserve more than that. Promise me you won’t settle any more…for his sake if not for yours.” Callum thought about Lee’s plea and just nodded. He knew Lee was right Johnny did deserve better, he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted but he could still do right by Johnny. The moment between them was interrupted by a knock on the door. Callum didn’t know how but he knew it was Ben. Lee did too and as Callum stood up to go and greet him he had one final piece of advice for him. “Be honest with him Callum. You may get shot down but you’ll never know if you don’t take the risk. Don’t hide anymore.” Callum nodded once again and went to open the door.

Ben was stood their looking sheepish and tension radiated from him. “Hi,” he mumbled not really looking at Callum. “How’s the head?”

Callum took a deep breath, needing a minute to compose himself. “Wrecked to be honest.” Callum could barely look Ben in the eye but he knew they needed to talk. “Don’t s’pose you fancy a walk. Might help me a clear it a bit.” Ben just nodded and Callum stepped out of the door. They walked in silence at first neither knowing what to say. Callum had so much he wanted to let Ben know, but he couldn’t muster the courage. They made their way onto the beach and as Callum took in the beauty of the view it finally gave him the strength to speak. “I’m really gonna miss this place.”

“Yeh it’s pretty amazin!” Ben responded quietly. “Look Callum.

I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…I…” it was clear he was struggling with his words.

Callum interrupted not wanting to make it hard for a Ben. “It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry. It’s me who’s messed up. Not you.” Ben tried to speak again but Callum was determined to say his piece. “You made it clear the whole time, what this was. I knew exactly what I was gettin into. At the start…it suited me. It was all I wanted too. But as time went on and I got to know you. I couldn’t help it Ben. I fell for you.” Callum choked back his tears, he was desperate not to make Ben feel bad. He tried to lighten the mood a little. “I mean why wouldn’t I? You’re gorgeous, funny, a fantastic dad and you’re kind and considerate. Awesome in bed n all. Got a dodgy taste in films and music but no-ones perfect eh?”

Ben huffed our a laugh, but it was clear that Callum’s words had affected him. His eyes met Callum’s briefly and in that moment Callum was certain he could see love in them. Again, in that fleeting instant, Callum felt hopeful. The moment didn’t last though and Ben shook his head and sucked in his lips. “I can’t give you what you need Callum. You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life. You deserve the world.” Ben almost croaked it out, clearly choking back emotion as he spoke. “And I can’t give it to you. I’m so sorry.”

Callum knew then that it was over. He hated seeing how bad he felt and stepped close to him cupping his face. “It’s okay. You never made me any promises. This ain’t your fault. Please don’t feel bad. You can’t help how you fell any more than I can.” Callum couldn’t hold in his feelings any more a single tear slowly rolled down his cheek. “I’ve have the best month of my life and that’s all down to you. I’ll never forget it or regret it. Thank you…thank you for letting me find out who I am.” At that exact moment rain began to fall, the first time Callum had seen any daytime rain, whilst he’d been there. It was at that point he let his tears fall more freely, the rain was a perfect mask for them. Ben just dug his teeth into his lower lip, clearly preventing himself from saying something he’d regret. Callum saw his unease and didn’t want to prolong the agony for either of them any longer. “I better go, got a plane to catch and packed all my clothes. Can’t let these get wet.” Trying to sound casual bit his heart betrayed him one last time. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea but he couldn’t help himself. He leant forward and connected their lips in one last, tender kiss. He could have stayed like that forever, but he couldn’t let himself and pulled away after a few moments. “Goodbye Ben!” he whispered trying to prevent his emotions escaping any further.

“Bye Callum.” Ben uttered almost inaudibly. Callum took one last look at Ben’s face, ensuring he committed it to his memory, before lowering his hands from his face. Once the contact was broken Callum turned and walked away at a pace. Wanting to escape the rain but also not allowing Ben to see him break as his tears flowed as harshly as the rain that pelted his cheeks. He didn’t look back, he couldn’t fearing that it if he did his feet wouldn’t let him walk away from the man he had fallen hopelessly in love with. If he had he may have seen Ben crumbling, as loud sobs escaped him. Callum didn’t see the mess that Ben was in. Unbeknownst to him Lee had followed them and witnessed the whole exchange, seeing how Ben was distraught as Callum walked away. As Callum strode steadily in the direction of the villa, Lee strode steadily in the direction of Ben. Hoping there was one last thing he could do to prevent his friends heart being well and truly broken forever.


	11. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I am blown away with all the feedback on the last chapter. Sorry that it was a hard read. Thank you so much for everyone who read, commented and left kudos. It really does mean the world. 
> 
> Again apologies for any errors I’ve missed whilst proofreading. 
> 
> This chapter is Callum centric and ties up a few loose ends for him in the story. I hope you still continue to enjoy it ❤️

The last few hours were a bit of a blur for Callum. After rushing back to the villa, he immediately broke down when he returned there. Loud sobs escaped him as he crumpled in a heap against the door. Although he was glad the other men weren’t around to see him in this state, he was disappointed Lee wasn’t there to comfort him. He hadn’t managed to prevent his clothes from becoming soaked, so once he’d regained his composure he had to change and repack his suitcase. Lee appeared about an hour later and was very cagey about where he’d been. Callum told him what had happened with Ben and Lee had comforted him the best he could. One good thing to come out of the whole mess was that he’d finally been honest with Lee and that he was no longer holding back from him. That meant that he was able to speak freely to him about how he felt.

“You’ll get over mate, in time you will. I know it don’t seem like it now but you will. I mean if you can get over me eventually, gettin over him should be a piece of cake.” Lee tried to lighten the mood with a joke.

Calum huffed at his poor attempt at humour, “I guess you’re right,”he conceded. “I mean at least I won’t have to see him all time. That’ll help.” He paused contemplating if it would actually be easier to get over Ben. Then it hit him again, this wasn’t like before. “It’s different this time though innit? I mean with you it was like an infatuation, I could only imagine what it was like to be with you…but with him I know. I think it’s real and proper love this time. I know what it’s like to wake up with him, make love to him, hold him. I ain’t gotta imagine.” Callum wipes away a stray tear that fell from his cheek at the thought he would never be able to do this again with Ben. “What if I just spend the rest of my life yearning for all those things I’ve had with him? What if I never find them again with anyone else?”

“I wish I had the answers mate,” Lee knew he wasn’t an expert or what he could do to help. “All I know is you told me at one point you never thought you could love anyone like you loved me and that you’d have to settle for second best. Then he came along and changed all that…Maybe one day you’ll meet someone else who’ll do the same.” Callum nodded he hoped Lee was right. That one day he’d find someone who’d take Ben’s place in his heart. However unlikely it seemed, he couldn’t give up hope he would find love like that again.

The flight home had dragged. They’d been delayed, which hadn’t helped, but all the way home he thought about Ben. With each minute he spent in the air he felt further and further away from him. He knew he would eventually have to accept the fact that he’d never see him again, but for now the idea was a little more than he could bear. He’d tried to distract himself by talking to Lee about what he was going to do about Whitney. Lee had come to his own realisations during this trip, that he was in love with her and couldn’t bear the thought of living without her. He just hoped that while he’d been away she hadn’t moved on and found someone better. He told Callum he knew he might have to fight for her and he was prepared to do whatever it took to get her back. Callum hoped Lee would get the happy ending both he and Whitney deserved. Maybe it could work out for one of them in the end. When they finally arrived back on English soil he realised that he hadn’t replied to Johnny’s message. It was quite late and he knew Johnny wouldn’t expect to see him now. Part of him wanted to just avoid him forever, but on the other hand he knew he had to face him sometime. He knew he had to finally let go of their relationship and with it his dream of officially being a Carter. The thought was sobering but he knew he had to be strong, he needed to find his own way and stand on his own two feet. If there was anything Ben had given him it was the belief that he could do it. He text Johnny to tell him that he should come round to the flat tomorrow after work and they could talk. He just hoped they could find a way to salvage their friendship and remain in each other’s life.

Arriving back at the flat, Callum felt like he’d gone back in time. Little had changed, everything was where he’d left it. Photos of his old life still kept him company in many rooms, everything was still in its place, it even smelt the same. Only it wasn’t the same for Callum, he wasn’t the same and it no longer felt like home. Even though it was full of familiar things, it felt empty to him. Probably because he felt empty and so lost. Everything was ending and he had no idea what he wanted to do now. All the dreams he’d had for so long had all disappeared and he wanted so desperately to have new ones. He just didn’t know how he was going to find them. Knowing it was late and he should probably try and sleep, he headed to the bedroom. The room again didn’t feel the same as before. All the memories that came into his mind of him and Johnny, Johnny and Mark and all the other little things that occurred there, seemed like they had happened to someone else. Then it hit him, maybe they had, he wasn’t the same person anymore. Everything had changed and most importantly he had. Perhaps now was really the time to let go of his old self and focus on being the person he’d discovered on his holiday. The one who took chances, went for what he wanted and didn’t look back. Although he felt like his heart was more broken that it had been before, he didn’t regret a second of what happened. He wouldn’t have exchanged the time with Ben for anything. Even though he hadn’t got the reward he so desperately craved at the end of it, in the times they’d shared he’d been the happiest that he ever had. If he’d gained nothing else from the experience, he had made memories that would stay with him forever. Memories that he would always look back on and would fill his heart with joy. This was something he could never say he had before. It was then he knew, he had to not play safe anymore, he had to take risks and go for what he wanted. All he needed to do now was figure out what that was. No matter what the outcome was it was the only chance he had of being truly happy. Eventually he got changed and got into bed, he succumbed to his exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep. One place he would always be able to be near Ben was in his dreams, at least in his sleep he found some brief happiness.

When he woke the next moment, for the briefest of moments he thought he was back in the villa. It was only when he opened his eyes that he realised that the soft object pressed against him was a pillow and not Ben. Callum couldn’t believe how much Ben had awakened in him, before he hated being too close to anyone in bed. Now he found himself so desperate for comfort, he was hugging a pillow. If he didn’t feel so alone in the moment he would have laughed at himself. His phone buzzing on the table diverted his attention away from the bed, the notification that appeared sending his mind into turmoil once more.

**Johnny**

**_Hey. Hope you had a good journey back and managed to get some sleep. I’m in court today but we’re supposed to be done by lunchtime. Is it okay if I come round then? X_ **

****

Callum wasn’t sure what he wanted. Part of him wanted to get this conversation over with as quickly as possible. The other wanted to delay it until he knew what to say. He thought he’d have more time to think about it if Johnny came round later. Both parts of him fought for a few minutes before he realised it was maybe better not to prepare it, to just go with what was in his heart. That had worked out best for him recently and maybe he just needed to be honest with Johnny too. The thought of letting go of this had terrified him so much before, but now he knew it was the for the best and it didn’t scare him anymore. He typed out a quick reply telling him it was fine, before getting up and getting in the shower. After that he cleaned the flat and put the washing on, before popping out to the shop and picking up some groceries and a newspaper. He thought it would be nice if he made him and Johnny lunch, hoping they could talk amicably as they ate. He also thought it would keep him busy while he waited for Johnny to arrive. Another stark reality he faced on returning was that he was now unemployed. Therefore he thought he’d better start perusing the classifieds hoping he would be able to find something. Both things served as a welcome distraction and helped the morning go more quickly. Before he knew it it was lunchtime and he heard the familiar sound of a key in the door. All of a sudden his chest became tight and the reality of what was about to happen hit him. Taking deep breaths to compose himself, he eventually calmed and was ready to face up to what was about to happen. Johnny walked in slowly. Callum could tell by his face he felt just as anxious as he was, probably worse as he felt he was the one who had caused this. He felt this overwhelming need to reassure him in that moment so he smiled warmly to greet him. “Hey,” he mumbled.

“Hey,” Johnny replied sheepishly, his eyes fixed on the floor. Almost too afraid to look at Callum.

Callum knew that Johnny would be worried as the last time they’d seen each other he was consumed with rage. He had to let Johnny know he wasn’t angry anymore so he addressed him softly, “I wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten so I made us some lunch. Thought we could talk while we ate.”

Johnny lifted his head and smiled gratefully at Callum. “You didn’t have to do that…but thanks.” Callum gestured for him to sit down and got them both some water, before serving up the food he’d made. Eventually he joined him at the table and both men began to eat, avoiding each other’s gaze.

Callum realised lunch may not have been the best idea, feeling too nauseous to eat. He saw Johnny pushing his food around his plate and knew he felt the same. “Don’t feel like you have to eat it, might have been a better idea to talk first in hindsight.”

Johnny looked up at him and sighed, before nodding. “Sorry…yeh erm…maybe you’re right.” He wrung his hands together, obviously nervous, “So how was your holiday?”

Callum wasn’t sure what the correct response was. As much as he didn’t want to hurt Johnny, he believed that he deserved his honesty. There was no point in hiding the truth but perhaps he should tread carefully, not wanting to upset him. “It was good…erm great actually. Probably just what I needed.” He wanted to ask where Johnny’s mind was before elaborating further. “How have you been?”

Johnny again looked down. “Not great to be honest,” he said in barely more than a whisper. “I am so sorry for what happened Callum. I…never…I just…”

Callum sensed he was struggling and he felt remorseful. Another thing his time with Ben made just realise was that he hadn’t been fair to Johnny. That he’d never put in what Johnny had into the relationship. That he’d made Johnny feel like he wasn’t important and that had caused him to look elsewhere for someone to make him feel special. He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of his, to comfort him. “It’s okay,” he whispered as Johnny squeezed his hand. “It weren’t all your fault.”

Johnny looked at him confused. “But I’m the one that cheated.”

Callum gulped back his emotion as he went to explain. “Yeh…and it weren’t the best way to deal with things…but I accept now that I played my part. Everythin you said before it was true. I never made you a priority, gave as much to us you did.” He sighed deeply but he knew he had to admit his mistakes, “So I’m sorry too.”

Johnny shook his head, “Doesn’t excuse what I did though.”

“Maybe not, but time away made me see that…things weren’t right between us and a lot of that was down to me.” Callum conceded sadly.

Johnny agreed with a small nod, “What do we do Callum? Can we fix it?”

Callum squeezed his hand again, before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry Johnny but I don’t think we can. I love you, but not in the way that I should…and the truth is…I don’t think I ever have.” Johnny finally broke at that point and tears flowed down his cheeks. Callum could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t really surprised, it was more just sadness that he was right all along. Callum tried to explain, “I wanted to love you in that way, I really did…you are amazin and you made me feel safe and loved and I’ve never had that before. I was so desperate to have that and if being totally honest… I think I just was more in love with the idea of that than you…I’m so sorry.”

Callum hated the look in Johnny’s eyes He knew his words, although not a shock, had hurt Johnny. “What made you finally realise it?” Johnny mumbled through his tears.

Callum couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him anymore by telling him he’d always been second best to his brother. It felt to cruel and Johnny, despite what he’d done. didn’t deserve that. So he decided to just tell him about Ben. “I met someone…while I was away. Someone who made me see things differently, someone who made me feel things I’ve never felt before…things I never have for you or anyone else.” Johnny huffed out a puff of air and just nodded. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t go lookin for it I swear. To be honest, I was plannin on hookin up with as many men I as I could. Have fun, no strings, hopin I’d realise that what me and you had was special and what I really wanted.” He paused and shook his head, “And that’s how it started, just sex…but I think if I’m totally truthful…it was never just that. I took one look at him and I knew he was different. When he touched me…it was like I was like I felt alive in a way I never had before and although I kept trying to convince myself it was just physical, the more time I spent with him, the more I felt for him.”

Johnny looked hurt by Callum’s confession. Callum hadn’t meant to be insensitive, he’d just spoken from his heart in an attempt to be honest. However he could see that his words had cut Johnny deep. “Do you love him?” Johnny asked sternly. Callum squeezed his eyes shut briefly before nodding gently. “And what now? You’re gonna sail off into the sunset with him?” Johnny scoffed, withdrawing his hand from Callum’s.

“I’m sorry Johnny.” He moaned. “I’m just trying to be honest.” Callum understood what he’d told him hurt Johnny, but he was still frustrated that he’d reacted so harshly to him. “But if it makes you feel better, he don’t feel the same way. Wasn’t anymore than a holiday fling to him…So no there won’t be some romantic movie moment of me sailin off into the sunset. I’m just left alone and pinin for someone who’ll never love me back. There’s no happy endin for me either.”

Johnny instantly felt guilty for sounding so harsh. “It doesn’t make me feel better,” he sighed. “Believe me the last thing I want is you to ever be hurt. I’m sorry.” He took Callum’s hand again. “I appreciate you being honest. It’s just it hurts to know that you never felt that way about me. Cos I did for you Callum. At the start I felt like I’d won the lottery when we first got together. I’d liked you for so long and when you finally agreed to give it a go I was on cloud nine. But…” he paused and took in another deep breath. “I guess this wonderful fantasy I had built up in my head never really matched reality did it.”

Callum again felt awful, knowing that Johnny felt so much for him and that he could never give it him back. “Maybe that was the problem, we both had this big dream about what we wanted us to be and it was just unrealistic.” Johnny sucked in his lips and nodded. “Johnny you deserve better than me, someone who realises how amazin you are and makes you number one. You shouldn’t settle for half measures from anyone. You need to go and be happy.” Callum was quite resolute and he could tell from the way Johnny’s body relaxed a little he agreed. “What about this Mark guy? Could he give you what you want?”

Johnny’s eyes widened at the mention of his name. The last thing he was expecting was for Callum to suggest he go and be with the man who he’d betrayed him with. “I haven’t seen him since…well you know. He’s tried to message me but I told him I couldn’t think about it until I’d sorted things with you. Didn’t feel right.”

Callum appreciated Johnny’s gesture. “Do you like him? More than just in a physical way I mean?” he asked cautiously. Johnny lowered his head and nodded gently. Callum took a deep breath before continuing. “Then don’t let me hold you back anymore. I want you to be happy.”

Johnny looked up at Callum. “You too. That’s all I ever really wanted to make you happy,” he sighed deeply, “But I guess I just wasn’t the guy for the job.” Johnny clearly felt saddened that it had always been destined to work out this way. “There’s no way this guy could change his mind?”

Callum shook his head. “Nah he made it clear from the start what this was. I don’t blame him for what happened.”

“Well if he don’t want anythin more from you, then he sounds like a bit of an idiot to me. Probably better off without him.” Johnny tried to make Callum feel better, but it clearly didn’t work, so he squeezed his hand tightly. “Sure one day we’ll both find the happiness we deserve.” Johnny reassured him and with that both men smiled. The smiles didn’t quite reach their eyes, which had tears in them, some tinged with sadness but mainly relief, relief that they could both finally let go and move on. They both stood up and embraced each other, holding each other for a few moments before breaking away. They discussed cancelling all the wedding plans, they would lose their deposits but agreed it didn’t really matter. As it was still two months away they hadn’t made the final payments so it could have been worse. They also agreed that they’d stay friends and always be part of each other’s lives. Callum knew this may not be easy but he was willing to give it a try. Johnny agreed Callum could stay at the flat until he found somewhere else to live and got himself sorted with a job. In a way things couldn’t have gone better between them. They said one last goodbye and Johnny left the flat. As the door closed behind him Callum let out a huge breath. He had done something he never thought he’d be able to, let go of his dream of being a Carter. Although his heart felt heavy and he couldn’t help feel scared that he had just maybe lost his place in the Carter family, he also felt a sense of relief. Relief that he no longer had to pretend, that he could start again and go for what he wanted. All he had to do now was work out what that was.

Over the next week Callum found himself getting into a bit more of a rhythm. He’d managed to get some agency work as a relief chef and that had kept him busy and some money coming in. Him and Johnny decided to break the news of their break up to the Carter family together. Even though they were sad, they understood and reassured Callum that he would always be part of their family. Callum was grateful and relieved. He knew it would never be as it was but he was thankful they would always be in his life.

Lee and him agreed it was best not to tell Johnny about the feelings he had for Lee. They were in the past and Callum didn’t want to cause any further tension amongst his family. Lee has his own problems, he still hadn’t been able to sort things out with Whitney. She was refusing to speak to him or see him. He’d left countless messages but each one was left unread. He wondered if she’d blocked his number. Callum became concerned for his friend. Lee was clearly distressed and had no clue how to get her to see he had changed and he was serious about her. Callum found himself, having sympathy with Whitney too as he now found himself in a similar position to her. Falling for someone who you were supposed to have no strings fun with, who had made it clear they couldn’t give them what they wanted, hurt so badly. Only for her, that person now realised that they could but she wasn’t prepared to risk it. He’d understood why she would want to protect her own heart. After all it had broken him to know Ben couldn’t love him back, but if he could Callum knew he would grasp the chance with both hands. Whilst talking with Lee one night he tried to make him see it from her point of view. “She’s just scared of gettin hurt. She told you how she felt once and you rejected her. You just need to show her you’re serious about her this time.”

“How can I do that when she won’t even talk to me?” Lee grumbled, seemingly increasingly frustrated with his situation. “I mean I know it’s all my fault and I don’t blame her, but if I could just get her to hear me out.”

“Have you tried goin round?” Callum asked.

“Course I have but she won’t let me in. Just gets that sister of hers to tell me to leave her alone.” Lee shook his head. “I’ve even tried goin to the market to see her in her stall, but as soon as she sees me comin she’s off and that bloke who has the stall opposite stops me gettin anywhere near her.”

Callum scratched at his head, feeling sorry for his friend but unsure what he could do to help. “Look she’s probably embarrassed as well. Maybe you need to make a big gesture, put yourself out there like she did. Let her see you’ll do anythin to get her back.”

Lee mused on his words for a few minutes, clearly thinking hard about what Callum had said. Then it hit him, like a lightbulb had illuminated his mind. “I’ve got an idea but I might need your help,” he looked at Callum with pleading eyes. Callum wasn’t sure he should get involved but then again he did want Lee to be happy. He would do anything he could to make that happen so he reluctantly agreed. That’s why he found himself a couple of days later he found himself approaching Whitney on the market himself. As the people around her didn’t know who he was he’d managed to get near her without anyone intervening.

“Hey Whit!” he called out as he neared her.

“Callum!” she cried as he face instantly fell into one of confusion. “What you doin here?” Her expression then changed into one of anger, “If he’s sent you then I don’t wanna…”

“He don’t know I’m here.” Callum lied, knowing that if she knew the truth then the plan wouldn’t work. “I just came to see how you were. Thought maybe we could get a coffee or somethin, catch up?”

Whitney looked very nervous, “I dunno Callum, it’s a bit weird you bein his best mate n all that.”

Callum shook his head, “I know but I was your mate too. I’d like us to still be friends if we could. Promise I won’t mention him.” Whitney thought about it for a moment before agreeing. She asked someone to watch her stall and joined Callum in walking to the park. They chatted idly on the way, Callum explaining how him and Johnny had broken up and how he was in a bit of a bad place. She listened sympathetically, understanding how we felt. Eventually they came to the bandstand area and Callum stopped in front of it, gesturing for her to look over at it. “I’m sorry” he mumbled as Lee appeared, microphone in hand as the band started to play. Lee began to sing loudly and wildly out of tune to what appeared to be Justin Bieber’s Sorry. Whitney’s eyes widened in what first looked like fury, her cheeks glowing red with embarrassment. She turned to walk away, but Callum grabbed her arm pleading with her to give Lee a chance. When Lee started attempting to copy the dance moves from the video, even he cringed.

Eventually Whitney couldn’t take it anymore and marched up to him yelling at him to stop. “That’s enough! You’re makin a complete and utter fool of yourself and me.”

“I don’t care!” Lee declared. “I’ll do anythin for you to give me another chance. Please Whit. Here me out!”

Whitney took a deep breath, “What for? Nothin’s changed. I can’t…”

Lee interrupted her, “Yes it has, I have. I’m in love with you Whit and I don’t want anyone else just you. No one comes close. Please Whit I want to make a go of it, a proper go of it.

Il do anythin. Just give me a chance.”

Whitney couldn’t contain her emotion anymore and tears began to roll gently down her face. “How do I know you won’t just take up with the first woman who gives you the eye eh? How can I trust that you mean it?”

Callum watched the events unfolding, feeling for both his friends and hoping there was a way Lee could prove that he meant it to Whitney. Lee stepped forward and took Whitney’s hand. “Cos I’ve been away for a month and had the chance to have a different girl every night and I just couldn’t do it. All I could think of was you and how much I missed you. Ask Callum if you don’t believe me.” Whitney turned to Callum, who just nodded in confirmation. “And if you want me to prove how serious I am...” Lee continued before dropping onto one knee. “Whitney Dean. Will you marry me?”

Callum and Whitney both froze as their mouths widened in shock. After a minute Callum realised this wasn’t actually part of the plan, that the proposal had been very much spur of the moment. Lee didn’t have a ring and clearly hadn’t thought it through. Whitney eyes widened and she shook her head, “You can’t be serious!” she cried her voice trembling.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life. I love you. I can’t be without you.” Lee’s own voice cracked with emotion. It was clear that Lee was just going with his instincts and following his heart. “And I’ve wasted enough time. I don’t wanna waste any more. Please Whit, marry me!” Whitney breathed heavily clearly thinking about what the correct response would be. After a few seconds, she screamed with delight as she accepted his proposal and kissed him passionately. Callum couldn’t quite believe what he’d just witnessed, when he suggested Lee made a big gesture it wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. After the initial shock, he took one look at the couple and it didn’t take him long for him to see that they were both so in love. No matter how impulsive the engagement had been, he didn’t doubt that Lee had made the right choice in proving to Whitney how much she meant to him. He also couldn’t believe how he felt about it. If this had happened a few moths ago he’d have been jealous and upset that he was losing Lee for good. Now he just felt happy for him and Whitney, genuinely happy. He was certain in that moment that he’d finally let go of Lee and his feelings for him. All he had to do now was find a way to do the same with his feelings for Ben. Only he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to let go of Ben or that he would ever really want to.


	12. Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to everyone who read, commented and left kudos on the last chapter. I really do enjoy hearing your thoughts. 
> 
> Again apologies if I’ve missed any errors when proof reading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the penultimate part of the story :-)

Turned out when Lee Carter made a decision, there was no stopping him. After his spontaneous proposal of marriage to Whitney, he set about making sure the wedding went ahead as quickly as possible. Whitney was equally as keen to make sure they made a commitment as soon as they could. It was almost like now they had found their way back to each other, they were determined to never let go again. Callum was genuinely thrilled to see them both so happy, so pleased that he suggested to Johnny they offered them their wedding venue and date. Johnny wasn’t keen at first, he like the rest of his family thought things were moving too quickly for Lee. He also admitted to Callum that he wasn’t sure he could watch someone else have what was meant to be their day. Callum understood that would be more difficult for Johnny, he’d been the one who’d put all the effort into planning it so he was more attached to the occasion. Callum didn’t push him on the issue and told him that he would let him decide what was best. He just asked him to look at Lee and think of the last time he saw him this happy. After quite a bit of consideration, Johnny saw that Callum was right and after all he’d been through he wanted to see Lee settled more than anything. Eventually Johnny relented. Lee and Whitney were surprised at first but were more than happy to accept their kind offer. It didn’t give them much time to plan, but Whitney knew exactly what she wanted. As it turned out she’d had her dream wedding planned out since s was young and Lee was happy to give her whatever that was. Mick and Linda needed a lot more coaxing to get on board with the change of plans. They were devastated that things hadn’t worked out between Callum and Johnny and needed time to get used to the idea that they would no longer be getting married. Then for Lee to announce he was getting married and for it to happen so quickly, was just something they didn’t feel at ease with. Callum and Johnny helped to talk them round, highlighting to them how happy Lee was. Once they realised Lee had actually been seeing Whitney for three years on and off and saw how happy she made him, they were more than happy to accept her into the family. It reiterated to Callum what amazing parents they were, supporting their children even if they weren’t exactly sure that what they were doing was the right thing. Callum just hoped that if he got the chance to be a parent one day, he would be able to be as amazing as they were. Once again he found himself envying Whitney, this time not because she had Lee, but because she was about to become part of of this wonderful family. Although he knew that he’d made the right choice by letting go of Johnny, he couldn’t help but feel sad that his place within the family would never be the same. Another reason he felt jealous of Whitney, was something completely unrelated to the Carters. She’d been in his position a few weeks ago, thinking that the person you were in love with didn’t love you back. For her though Lee had finally seen that he couldn’t live without her. He’d give anything for Ben to realise he was the only one for him. Nevertheless, he’d come to accept that that was never going to happen and he needed to find a way to move on from him. He just had no idea how.

One thing he did know for sure though was he needed to move away from London. The more time he spent in his flat or flitting in between restaurant jobs, the more he felt empty. Nowhere seemed like home anymore and it hit him that if anywhere ever was going to he needed to make one of his own, somewhere he felt happy. That’s how he made the decision to move to the coast. Whilst being on the island, he’d realised how he loved being near the ocean. It filled him with a sense of serenity he’d never had before. No matter what worries he’d had on his holiday, one look at the sea had eased his mind tremendously. Ben had even asked him on their date if he’d considered moving to the coast. At the time he hadn’t but since then it had been something that had constantly entered his mind. He knew it would only go some way to helping him heal but it was a good way to start. Fortunately he had a contact in a restaurant on the south coast. His old boss at the restaurant and his family had moved there last year. After mulling it over for a few days, Callum finally got the courage to contact him and ask him if he knew of any work. His former boss, Matt, was more than happy to help and told him of a sous chef position at his restaurant. Callum was really keen to take it but Matt wasn’t so sure it was a good idea. Callum was surprised to learn that he’d always thought Callum would want to open his own restaurant one day. Taking this position would be a step backwards in his eyes so he asked Callum to think carefully before making any decisions. Callum pondered Matt’s thoughts for a while, he’d never really had any dreams apart from being one of the Carter’s before. He’d certainly never thought about owning his own restaurant. Dreaming big always seemed too risky before but now he realised it was the only way to find happiness in life. Allowing his mind to wonder, he thought about what his dream life could be. The thought of having his own restaurant excited him. Being his own boss, creating his own menus and never having to answer to idiots like Ian again, all sounded extremely appealing. Considering it even further, he could see himself owning a little bistro overlooking the ocean. In fact he soon realised it would be perfect, well almost perfect. In an ideal world, Ben would be by his side, managing the front of house. He pictured him using his natural charisma to charm all the customers and his assertiveness to ensure everything ran smoothly. Callum’s heart soared with the images that flew through his mind but it didn’t take long for it to plummet back down to earth, when he realised that it was never going to happen that way. Ben could never be part of his future, no matter how much he wanted him to be. For a second he thought about giving up on the whole idea but then it hit him. Maybe Ben couldn’t be a part of it but he could still live the rest of the dream. One thing his time with Ben had taught him was that sometimes you have to go for things you wouldn’t normally. Even if they didn’t work our exactly how you wanted, they could still give you the best experiences of your life. That’s when he made the decision to just take the chance, he didn’t know how it would work out but he never would if he didn’t risk it. Within seconds he called Matt and told him he wanted to take the job, explaining to Matt that he wanted to work his way up to maybe realising his dream one day. Matt understood and was happy to have him on board, even offering to help him find a place to stay. Callum was grateful and finally felt like he was making the first step in moving on. For the first time in his life he felt like he was finally going for what he wanted and doing something just for him. It felt good. He now just had to find a way to tell the Carters he was leaving.

Over the next few weeks Callum began to put his plans into motion. He’d agreed with Matt that he could start as soon as the wedding was done with. Lee has asked him to be his best man and that had meant Callum needed to be around, mainly to help him prepare the stag do. He’d managed to visit Matt and a few times and found a place to stay. Also he loved the restaurant, it wasn’t right on the coast but he was close enough that he could walk there in a few minutes. Callum got the feeling he could definitely find some happiness there. The only thing he hadn’t found time to do was to tell Lee and his family he would be leaving. Every time he saw them they were so wrapped up in the excitement of the wedding planning, there had never been a good moment. Realising he was rapidly running out of time he decided he needed to just bite the bullet and talk to Lee when he next saw him. They’d arranged a quick drink to discuss the discuss final arrangements for the stag do and Callum thought it was now or never.

Lee was animatedly discussing how he was looking forward to the stag do and had found him and Whitney the perfect honeymoon. “It was a great deal, we’ve even got a spa package and everythin thrown in. I can’t wait mate.” Callum was thrilled to see his friend so happy but couldn’t hide the fact he was nervous. Lee could obviously sense there was something not quite right with his friend. “I’m sorry mate. Here’s me harpin on. I know all this might not be easy for you.” Lee patted Callum’s shoulder to comfort him.

Callum felt guilty, the last thing he wanted was to make Lee feel bad. “Honestly mate it’s fine. I’m really happy for you. Truly I am. It’s just…”

Lee cut him off again before he had chance to explain any further. “I know I ain’t been round much recently but once I’m back from my honeymoon, I promise we can hang out a bit more. See if I can help you sort yourself out.” Here Lee was again, trying to look out for Callum and help fix his problems. Just like he had from the second they’d met.

Callum felt such fondness for the way his best friend wanted to take care of him but he knew this was the time to tell him he didn’t need him to anymore. “Actually mate, we won’t be able to do that. I ain’t gonna be here when you get back,” he admitted sheepishly.

Lees eyebrows knitted together as he shook his head in confusion. “What d’you mean you won’t be here?”

“I’m leavin mate.” Callum looked him in the eye, hoping to let him know he was serious.

“What?” Lee was clearly taken aback. “Where you goin?” he asked obviously concerned for his friend.

“My old boss Matt, he’s offered me a job in his restaurant on the south coast…starting the week after the weddin. Don’t worry, I made sure I was here until then. I wouldn’t leave you in the lurch.” Callum smiled at him and nudged him gently as if to try and reassure him things would be ok.

Lee face fell as he realised Callum was being really planning to go. “You can’t just leave mate. You’re whole life’s here.” He protested.

Callum sighed and his shoulders dropped, “Mate there is nothin here for me anymore. I need to get away, make a fresh start!”

Lee looked at him with deep concern radiating out of him. “Is this because of me gettin married and Johnny movin on with that Mark guy cos..”

“It ain’t nothin to do with that!” Callum interjected firmly, “I told you already I’m really pleased Johnny has moved on. I told him to go for it…and as for you…” Callum paused and gave him a cheeky grin, “Well you need to sort out that big ego of yours. I’m well and truly over you.” Callum chuckled, “Seriously mate. I’m so happy for you. I really am.”

Lee nodded and took a deep breath, “So is it about what happened with Ben?”

Callum closed his eyes tightly as he tried to compose himself. Taking a deep breath before speaking again. “In a way yeah.” He had to admit that what had happened with Ben changed his whole perspective on life. “I mean I know it didn’t quite work out how I wanted it to…but…well…bein with him made me see that sometimes you need to take a risk, see what else is out there. I’ve always played it safe, too afraid to let go of what little good I had in my life. And although I ended up gettin hurt, takin the risk of bein with him was the best decision I ever made. That last night we had together was by far the best night of my life and I don’t regret a single second of it.” Callum felt the emotion building as he spoke, he swallowed it down before continuing. “Anyway since I’ve been back, I’ve just been thinkin about what I really want and I’m finally startin to figure it out. I wanna live by the coast, maybe own my own restaurant overlooking the beach one day….And I know it’s probably only a pipe dream but there ain’t no chance of it ever happenin if I stay round here. I gotta take a chance otherwise I’m never gonna find my own happiness am I? I need to do this for me!”

Lee looked at him and moved his head up and down acknowledging his agreement. He then paused and looked at Callum for a moment, clearly something troubling him. “And...” he paused before continuing cautiously, “There ain’t a chance for you and him? What if he changes his mind?”

Callum looked up to the ceiling, desperately trying to not let his emotions get the better of him, “What like he’s gonna rock up here, declare his undyin love for me and we live happily ever after. There ain’t no fairytale endin to our story mate and I ain’t gonna wait around for one. I’ve wasted enough of my life holdin out for someone to love me as much as I do them.” Lee dropped his chin to his chest clearly feeling guilty that he’d put Callum through that pain, even if he had no idea he was doing it. Callum tapped his knee reassuringly. “Sorry I ain’t gettin at you. I just mean I can’t wait around for someone else to give me a happy endin, it’s time I went out to try and make my own.”

Lee pulled him into an embrace, “If this is what you want…then I’m happy for you and I’m proud of you.” He sighed deeply, “Just gonna miss you that’s all.” At that point both men let their emotions escape and tears fell gently from their eyes.

Callum gulped back a few more tears as he returned Lee’s embrace. After a few moments he finally broke free. “It ain’t like you’ll never see me again is it you doughnut. We can visit each other all time.” He reassured him holding onto him tightly for a minute before br asking away. “Right enough of this soft shit, time for another round.” Lee laughed and nodded. As Callum went to the bar, Lee took out his phone and typed a message, hoping the recipient could help his best friend on his quest to find his happy ending. It was a long shot but like Callum said sometimes you have to take a chance.

The next two weeks flew by in the blink of an eye and before Callum knew it his belongings were all packed up and ready to go. After his conversation with Lee, he’d been able to tell Johnny and the rest of the Carters about his plans to leave. They were all saddened by his decision but supported him as always, all desperate for him to be happy. Callum had a whirlwind of emotions flowing through him daily, ranging from extremely excited, to utterly terrified about his move. One thing that he was certain of though was that he’d made the right choice, even if it was the scariest thing he’d ever done. Finally he felt at peace with his himself.

This was helped by how him and Johnny had managed to reestablish their friendship, both working together to ensure Lee had the best time on his stag do. They’d spent time together and although it was a little awkward at first, they eventually managed to relax and enjoy each other’s company. “So when do you leave?” Johnny asked tentatively.

“Week after the weddin.” Callum replied, “I’ll leave the keys in the flat so you can move back in. Be nice for you to have your own space again.”

Johnny nodded, “Yeah…Not that it’s not been nice havin my mum chew my ear off daily…but will be good. How you feelin about the move?”

Callum smiled and shrugged, “Mixed emotions really. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to be livin near the coast and I need a fresh start…but it’s a bit dauntin you know doin it alone. Gonna miss you lot!”

“We’ll miss you too…especially him!” Johnny gestured towards Lee who was dancing wildly with his friends. “Don’t know how he’ll cope without you keeping an eye out for him.”

Callum laughed. “Think Whit will make sure he toes the line. Wouldn’t wanna be in his shoes if he don’t.” Johnny raised his eyebrows and smiled broadly, knowing he wouldn’t want to mess with her either. “Hear things are lookin up for you in that department too?” Callum asked, knowing they had to address the elephant in the room at some point. Johnny looked sheepish and his shoulders tensed. “Hey don’t look so worried. I’m pleased for you.

I meant it you know…I want you to be happy.”

“Thanks.” Johnny sighed with a coy smile. “We’ve been gettin on well. I really like him. It’s early days but can see potential there.”

“Are you gonna bring him to the weddin?” Callum enquired.

Johnny’s eyes widened, “No. Think it might be a bit awkward havin my new boyfriend show up on what was supposed to be our weddin day.”

Callum smiled, knowing he was probably right. “I wouldn’t mind. But I guess it might me a bit odd for everyone.”

Johnny smiled warmly, “You are a good guy. Not everyone would be so relaxed about seeing the bloke he caught his fiancé in bed with.”

Callum shrugged then smiled cheekily, “Well I am a special kind of guy! Not many like me that’s for sure.”

Johnny chuckled. “Can’t argue with that!” He paused and looked at Callum with concern before asking the next question on his mind. “What about you? Heard from that guy you met on your holiday?”

Callum sighed deeply and shook his head. “Nah. That ain’t gonna happen I’m afraid. That ship has definitely sailed.”

Johnny gave him an empathetic smile, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not…I’ll always have the memories.” Callum stated wistfully. “And at least I can make a fresh start with no complications.” Callum hoped he sounded convincing. His head kept trying to convince him that was true, although his heart told him that he’d change all his plans in an instant if Ben wanted him to. He certainly wasn’t ready to move on yet, but he hoped he would be one day.

Johnny raised his glass and held it up. “To fresh starts,” he called out.

“Fresh starts!” Callum echoed him and clinked his glass against a Johnny’s. After their conversation, they had they’d both joined in the festivities further. Partaking in the usual Stag activities such as dares, drinking games, embarrassing Lee with stories. Callum couldn’t help but sign him up for Karaoke and of course he knew the perfect song. Lee was so drunk he didn’t care as he repeated the dance moves that he had on the day of his proposal. Callum also had a heartwarming talk with Mick, where Mick told him how proud he was of him and that he would always be his son, no matter what. Callum couldn’t help they tears from flowing at that point. He had fought so hard to be part of this family for so long, clinging on so hard to whatever he could, desperate to make sure he would secure a permanent place in it. It was only then he realised that he hadn’t needed to, that they would always be his family. By letting go, he’d seen that they’d chosen to stay with him, support and love him. That made him feel more part of their family then he ever had and he was proud to be part of it. Callum felt he finally had the closure on this chapter of his life and he was ready to move onto the next.

Towards the end of the evening. Lee was extremely inebriated. Callum was left in charge of holding him up and getting him home in one piece as both Mick and Johnny were equally worse for wear. He practically had to carry him up the stairs and when he guided him to his room Lee ended up stumbling onto the bed dragging Callum down with him. Callum couldn’t help but chuckle at the state of his friend as he pulled away from him. Lee looked at Callum with a cheeky smirk, “Don’t get tryin to take advantage!” Lee slurred out.

“You’ll be lucky!” Callum scoffed. “Afraid you’re no longer the object of my affection! Moved on mate!”

Lee raised his eyebrows and nodded before frowning at Callum sympathetically. “You ain’t moved on from him though have you?”

Callum sucked his bottom lip and shrugged his shoulders. “Not yet…but I will do one day.” Callum had to believe it was true, even if his heart still told him otherwise.

“Don’t give up hope yet mate! He does love you you know. He’s just scared! He’ll figure it out one day, just like I did!” Lee was rambling in his drunken stupor. Callum knew that his words were more hopeful than genuine. “Trust me. I’m an expert on bein a muppet after all!”

Callum chuckled, “No arguments from me there.” He managed to steady Lee and put him in a more comfortable position. “You need to sleep it off mate, I’ll see you in the mornin, yeh.” He was just about to leave when he felt a pull on his arm.

“I still think you’ll get your happy endin.” Lee looked at him with a hopeful smile. Then slumped back on the bed, passing out instantly. Callum knew Lee was intoxicated and just babbling nonsense. There was no way he knew what Ben felt, they’d barely even spoken during the time away. He just wanted Callum to have the same happy ending that he’d managed to find. Callum loved him for it but he knew he couldn’t let Lee’s words affect him. He’d wasted enough of his life pinning all his hopes and dreams on something that he knew wasn’t real. As much as he wanted Ben to love him back, he knew that he couldn’t. Callum had finally accepted it and was ready to move on. At least he had a vague idea of what he wanted for himself now and was starting to find a way to follow his dreams. For now he had to focus on that and not what might have been, if Ben had felt the same way he did. It was the only way he could stand a chance of finding his own happiness.

As the day of the wedding finally arrived, he couldn’t think of a more perfect way to say goodbye to his old life. One final celebration with the only family he’d ever really known before he moved on. He wondered how he’d feel being at the venue, on a day that was supposed to be his wedding day. As it turns out all it did was reinforce the fact that him and Johnny had made the right choice not to get married. The venue was a beautiful Victorian Manor House that had been converted into a hotel. The gardens were beautiful, perfect for photos and the ceremony room was ornate. The bedroom he’d been allocated was lovely and filled with plush furnishings but it somehow didn’t feel comfortable to Callum. Although it was a picturesque setting, Callum knew it wasn’t suited to him at all. Making him realise that Johnny and him had never been a good match. He thought about what he would like his wedding to be like, if he ever had one. All he could think about was the beautiful bistro him and Ben had been to on their date. He imagined having a ceremony on the rocks over looking the ocean, declaring his love for the man of his dreams. Then a reception on the terrace of that bistro, dancing in the moonlight as their song played in the background. He groaned deeply at the thought that couldn’t have that with Ben. Then a small smile crept on his face at the realisation that at least now he had an idea of what he wanted his wedding to be like. Before he was happy to accept whatever Johnny wanted, not really even considering his opinion important. Now though he was different and he allowed himself to dream and make plans for himself. There was a glimmer of hope that somewhere out there could be someone who’d share his vision for his perfect day. That one day he would have a love that completed him, that he’d get his happily ever after.

For the first part of the day he was busy making sure Lee had everything he needed and was where he meant be. Him and the Carters has posed for many family photos and they were all buzzing with excitement for what was to come. Many guests began to arrive, Callum not recognising many of them. There were a few members of the Carter’s and a few of Lee’s army mates he recognised but the rest of the people were strangers. Lee was clearly anxious but greeted everyone with a warm smile as they passed him.

“You ready for this mate?” He asked Lee as they both stood outside the ceremony room greeting the final guests.

“As I’ll ever be!” Lee said, his voice trembling with nerves.

Callum put an arm around his shoulder to help steady him. “Not too late to change your mind you know.” he jested. “I can easily created a diversion, while you leg it.”

Lee looked up at him, giggled and shook his head. “No chance mate!” He was resolute. “I’ve never been more certain of anythin in my entire life.”

Callum smiled warmly, “Let’s get in there then!” He stated before leading Lee to the ceremony room. As they stood at the front waiting, Lee was clearly nervous but was beaming with delight. Callum felt a huge sense of relief as looked around the room. Relief that it wasn’t his wedding day, knowing that marrying Johnny would have been a huge mistake. Johnny was stood next to him and Lee as he was part of the wedding party. Callum gave him a warm smile and nod acknowledging he was okay and asking the same. Johnny reciprocated it and at that moment they both knew they had no regrets, both acknowledging they’d made the right decision. A final few guests entered and took their seats and it appeared everything was ready for the ceremony to begin. The wedding planner closed the door in anticipation of Whitney’s arrival, making sure she could make a grand entrance. Callum gave Lee one final nod and they all waited for the big moment to arrive.

All of a sudden the door burst open a little forcefully, causing everyone to turn around sharply, as a familiar voice called out. “Stop. Wait!” Every hair on Callum’s body stood on end, while his whole being trembled at the sound. As he turned and was met with an unexpected sight. One he never thought he’d ever see again, but one that was still able to take away all the air from his lungs. Ben.


	13. Finding Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is the last part of this story. Thank you so much for everyone who’s read, commented or left kudos on it. It really has meant so much to me to know you’ve enjoyed it. When I started writing it I wasn’t sure anyone would like the idea, so to have people say nice things about it and my writing, has made me want to write even more. In fact a few people have expressed an interest in seeing more of Ben’s POV, so I’m going to try and write an alternative version, telling Ben’s side of the story and filling in some of the gaps, if anyone is interested.
> 
> Again sorry if I’ve missed any errors while proofreading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the last part :-)

Callum’s mind was unable to comprehend what was happening and his mouth fell agape in shock. At first he thought he must be dreaming, that the vision before him could not be real. Then Ben spoke again and he knew he was there in the flesh.

“Tell me I’m not too late!” Ben gasped slightly out of breath, his voice trembling as he spoke.

Callum was stunned, he stared at Ben intently, afraid that if he let go of his gaze then he’d disappear. After a few seconds he managed to finally respond, “What are you doin here?” a mixture of surprise, confusion and joy evident in his voice at seeing Ben.

Ben began to advance slowly towards Callum, as he did Lee instructed his dad to go and ask Whitney to wait a minute before coming in. Callum was frozen to the spot, completely overwhelmed with shock. Ben’s Adam’s Apple visibly moved in his throat as he tried hard to control his emotions, before he continued. “You don’t have to do this!”

Callum was confused by what Ben meant. All of a sudden it hit him, standing there in his wedding suit next to Johnny and Lee, he realised Ben thought he was about to get married. “Hang on a minute you’ve got the wrong idea. You don’t need to…” he tried to stop him but was cut off.

“Let him have his say!” Lee called out. Callum looked at him confused, surely he must have seen Ben’s mistake and realised he thought he was about to get married. Lee surely didn’t want his day ruined by an awkward misunderstanding. Then Lee mouthed to him that it was okay and gestured for him to let Ben speak. Callum turned back to look at Ben, his heart was racing. He had vivid images of Ben burned into his mind, filling his dreams every night. But seeing him in the flesh, he took his breath away. Standing there in his jeans and a grey fitted t-shirt Callum didn’t think he could look anymore stunning. Ben looked into his eyes he felt like he was melting, his whole body trembling.

“Please hear me out.” Ben continued and Callum just nodded. “I know you don’t really want this. You’re only doin this cos you think you can’t have what you really want, so you’re settlin for second best.” Ben took a deep breath his eyes never leaving Callum’s once. “Now I ain’t sayin I’m the best you could have and I don’t know if we can even work. I ain’t gonna make promises I can’t keep…especially to you.” Ben paused taking a deep breath and trying desperately hard to swallow his emotions. “But I wanna give it a go. If you’ll have me.” Callum was overwhelmed by Ben’s words. Feeling like he may about to get all he truly wanted, he couldn’t contain his emotion and tears streamed down his face as his lips curved up into a huge smile stretching from ear to ear. Before he had a chance to respond, Ben took a final step so he was face to face with him. He cupped his face, gently wiping away some of Callum’s tears. “See I think I might be in love with you, I just didn’t know what it was. I’ve never felt this way before and it scares the shit out of me. But the thought that I might lose you for good…well that terrifies me even more. So please say we can give it a try. Please.” For a second Callum felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest, he’d never felt so totally overjoyed in his whole life. In this precise moment he forgot where he was and who was around him, it was just him and Ben, nothing else mattered. He grabbed the back of Ben’s head and pulled him into a passionate, tender kiss. Hoping that would convey to Ben how much he loved him too. That he wholeheartedly accepted him for who he was and what he was offering him, that he wanted this more than anything. Eventually the moment was broken by rapturous applause from Lee and the rest of the Carters. Even Johnny looked genuinely happy for him. He pulled away from Ben and smiled as a blush crept over his face as he realised they had an audience. “Take that as a yes then!” Ben quipped hopefully.

Callum shook his head softly, still on disbelief this was actually happening, “Course it is you muppet! I _know_ I’m in love with you. Was just waitin for you to catch up.” Ben smiled at him warmly and huffed out a small chuckle. A fake cough then came from behind them breaking the moment. They both turned immediately to see Lee looking at them with a huge grin and raised eyebrows.

“Not that I wanna ruin this beautiful moment but do you mind if we get on with the weddin now? Whit will think I’ve jilted her if we don’t hurry up.” Lee stated half in jest, half in concern.

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Callum with confusion. “Oh…erm…This ain’t my weddin. Lee’s the one tyin the knot today.” Callum explained with a coy smile.

Ben looked at him bewildered, before turning towards Lee and looking at him indignantly, “But you said…” Callum was confused, wondering when Ben had spoken to Lee and what Lee had said. Lee raised his shoulders and squeezed lips together. Ben then turned back to Callum with a look of incredulity on his face, “So I’ve just made a complete and utter tit of myself in front of all these people for nothin.” He moaned.

“I wouldn’t say nothin!” Callum replied before shutting him up with another small kiss before pulling away. “Think we need to talk properly later. But right now I’ve got Best Man duties to attend to.” Ben just laughed breathily. “Find a seat for now and when we’re done I’m all yours. Promise.” Callum gestured for him to sit down near the back.

“Quite like the sound of that!” Ben retorted before shuffling away back down the aisle to a vacant seat. Callum took his place next to Lee and gave him a knowing look. Lee just beamed at him and winked. Callum then realised that Johnny was also present in the room, a slight wave of guilt washed over him. He looked briefly at Ben before turning to Johnny and mouthing _sorry._ Johnny smiled back, with what seemed to be a genuine look of happiness and mouthed _don’t be._ Callum still couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. It was like he was dreaming and any moment he would wake up. After a few seconds, soft music signalled Whitney’s arrival and everyone’s eyes fell on her and trailed her as she walked down the aisle. Everyone’s except Callum’s and Ben’s, whose eyes were fixed firmly on each other’s, neither of them able to hide the huge grins that stretched across their faces. When Whitney reached Lee, the registrar spoke and drew Callum’s attention back to the ceremony, although he found it difficult to focus on what was happening. Throughout the whole thing, Callum found his gaze constantly drawn to Ben. It was almost like he was checking that he hadn’t imagined he was there, that it was real and not just a dream. Over the past two months the only place he’d seen Ben was in his nightly visions and for the first time in his life he felt like maybe dreams did come true after all. Lee and Whitney exchanged their vows and Callum had never seen his friend look so happy. As they were pronounced husband and wife, a rapturous applause filled the room. Callum took one last look at Ben, making sure he hadn’t changed his mind. Ben’s eyes had never left him the whole time and he was certain he recognised the look in them. He was certain it was love.

Callum had a few duties to complete before he could finally get back to Ben. Once he’d signed the register and posed for a few photos, he knew he had to ask if he could be excused. As the wedding party prepared to walk back down the aisle, Callum took his chance to speak to Lee. “Mate I hate to ask, but is it alright if I skip out on the next bit? I really need to talk to him.”

Lee just smiled at him. “Course mate. Go get your happy endin!” He gave Callum a firm pat on the back. “Just remember you got a speech to give though.” Callum nodded and smiled widely. As soon as Callum neared where Ben was stood he gestured for him to join him, grabbing hold of his hand firmly the minute it was in touching distance. They walked out of the room together and Callum lead them in a different direction to the rest of the wedding party, knowing they needed to be alone. Eventually they found a secluded part of the gardens, taking a seat on a small bench, fingers still tightly locked together, neither wanting to let go.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Callum cooed cupping Ben’s cheek as Ben leaned into his hand.

“Still a bit of a surprise to me too, if I’m honest.” Ben smiled up at him.

Callum shook his head with a smile, “I honestly thought I would never see you again.” He couldn’t quite comprehend how he was sat here next to Ben. “What changed?” he asked.

Ben took a deep breath before speaking. “I did.” He then covered Callum’s hand with his own. “Before I met you I thought I was happy and mostly I was. But when I think about it there was always somethin missin, even if I didn’t know it. Then you showed up in the bar that night and everythin changed. It weren’t s’posed to but it did.” Ben paused again trying hard to keep his composure. “From that very first night, it was just different with you. Like I never felt nothin like it before. At first I just thought it was physical, just amazin sex. But I couldn’t stop thinkin about you. Right from the moment you kicked me out. That’s why I came back for more when I saw you that night and then after that I couldn’t seem to stay away.” Callum couldn’t help but beam the whole time that Ben spoke. Ben returned his smile as he continued to lay himself bare to Callum. Callum felt like Ben trusted him completely and that filled him with a sense of devotion, knowing he was finally able to open up to him. “I kept tryin to convince myself it was only physical, nothin more…but the more time we spent together the more I felt. Like all the cuddlin, touchin, talkin and stuff just made me feel more close to you than I ever have anyone. I kept tellin myself it was just because it was safe to be like that with you, that you would be gone soon so none of it mattered. But deep down I knew it wasn’t true. I just couldn’t figure out what I was feelin. I really have never felt like this before.” Callum nodded to show his understanding. Everything Ben has said had mirrored his own feelings. “Then when I realised you had feelins for him and how much it was hurtin you, I kinda felt this need to protect you. Take care of you. That’s when things really changed I guess. That and the date.” Ben blushed at that admission. It was clear he still found it difficult to be so open to someone.

Callum smiled warmly at first, then his lips curved down a little. That night had changed his life too and made him realise how he truly felt about Ben only for the next morning to get his heart broken. “Then why run out the next day like you did?”

Ben dropped his head, clearly still harbouring guilt about the way he’d reacted. “Cos I panicked. That night was probably the best night of my life. Besides when Lex was born obviously. No one ever made me feel that special. When you kissed me…I dunno it was like my heart had finally been kick started. I’d never felt anythin like it before. And after…well that was the first time I think I understood what makin love meant.” Ben took a deep breath clearly just tryin to keep his composure. “Anyway the next mornin I woke up and watched you sleepin and that’s when it hit me how much I’d fallen for you…and that’s when I freaked out. It was all a bit overwhelmin and I didn’t know what to do with it. So I did what I always do, hit self destruct and run. I knew you were leavin and I knew if I allowed myself to love you it would break me when you were gone. So I put my walls up and…” Ben once again struggled to find the words.

Callum felt a stab in the heart at this point remembering what had happened, “And went lookin for a distraction.” He sighed. He knew he probably shouldn’t have brought it up but he needed to understood it all fully.

Ben closed his eyes, almost tryin to hide the shame. Then he looked at Callum, placed his hand on his chin, making sure Callum looked him in the eye. “It weren’t quite like that….I think I was tryin to prove to myself that you didn’t matter as much as I thought…only it only did the opposite. As soon as some bloke smiled at me I felt sick, all I could see was you. When Lo told me they’d seen you and what Jay had said I felt awful. I came back to talk to you and try and explain, but then I saw the state you were in…and I knew I’d done that. I’d hurt you so badly and I just couldn’t bear the thought of me doin it again to you. And I knew if we got together I probably would. So I thought it was best to let you go.”

Callum smiled as he realised what Ben had done had actually been out of love. Ben thought he was protecting Callum by ending it. All this time he’d been doing what he did with those he loved, like Lexi, thinking of him first and trying to keep him safe. “And now?” Callum asked tentatively, realising he hadn’t actually got the answer of what had changed.

“Well now…,” Ben mumbled, “I realise that…even if I want to, I can’t let you go. You’re in here.” He lay his hand on his chest and tapped it lightly, where his heart is situated. “You’re all I think about. I’ve missed you so much these past weeks. Tried to go back to how I was but couldn’t, the thought of bein with anyone else just felt wrong. And when Lee told me the weddin was still on, I thought I was gonna lose you for good and that nearly killed me. That and the thought you’d go back to livin half a life cos of me, never bein really happy. That’s when I realised if I was gonna wreck your life no matter what, may as well be around to make it up to you, in ways I know you’ll enjoy,” Ben wiggled eyebrows flirtatiously, obviously doing his usual tactic to digress from the full emotion behind his words. Callum gave out a breathy laugh. He was still confused about one thing but before he had the chance to ask any further, Ben grabbed his other hand and squeezed it tightly. “Like I said I ain’t promisin this’ll work and I won’t screw up or hurt you…but I can promise you I’ll try my best to make sure I don’t and do whatever I can to make you happy.”

“I’ll take the risk.” Callum declared as he meant forward and kissed Ben again. The feeling of his lips against his, made his whole body tremble. The kiss was soft and tender but he hoped that it showed Ben how much he meant to him. After a few seconds he broke away. “Bein with you is the only time I’ve felt truly happy in my whole life. I love you…and no matter how hard it might be to work this out…the thought that you could love me back, well that’s a reward that’s definitely worth the hassle.” Ben beamed widely at Callum before grabbing his jacket and pulling him in for another passionate kiss. Callum was completely swept up in the moment and for a minute he forgot about everything. That was until question that plagued his mind earlier entered his head again. He pulled away sharply, “Hang on a sec. What d’you mean he told you the weddin was still on?” Callum was confused as to how Lee and Ben were in contact and why he would tell Ben this.

Ben laughed and shook his head. “He messaged me a couple of weeks ago and said that the weddin was still going ahead. That you’d made a choice and if I didn’t want to lose you for good that I’d better sort myself out…Though I s’pose technically…he didn’t say it was you actually gettin married. Sent me your address and told me I only had a couple of weeks. When I rocked up at yours today your neighbour told me that you were at the weddin and where it was. So I raced over here, hopin I weren’t too late.”

Callum was still baffled, “Since when were you and him in contact? How did he have your number?”

Ben sucked on his lips and then tilted his head from side to side. “Right, course… he did say he wasn’t gonna tell you!”

“Wasn’t gonna tell me what?” Callum quizzed, still having no idea what had been going on with Lee and Ben.

Ben shrugged, “Well after you left me on the beach that day…he kinda came and found me. Saw I was a mess and called me out on bein such an idiot. Said he’d been the same as me and it meant he’d probably lost the love of his life cos of it. Although it seems he was wrong about that I guess.” Callum was shocked by the revelation, although it dawned on him that that’s where Lee had disappeared to that day. “Anyway, basically told me not to make the same mistake. I tried to make out he was wrong and I didn’t feel the same. That I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I’d only end up hurtin you. Not sure he bought it though. So he told me to think about it, see what life was like without you. Suggested we swap numbers and if I changed my mind he’d help me find you. It’s not like me and you swapped addresses so I wouldn’t know where to look?...He said he promised that he wouldn’t tell you and that if I wasn’t in touch he’d leave it be. Obviously he changed his mind though, felt the need to push things along. No idea why…but I’m so glad he did though .”

Callum smiled at Ben again and then felt so thankful for Lee being such a good friend. Callum had so much to thank him for already and this was another. Before it would have made him feel even more love for Lee and in a way it did, but not like before. It was definitely the kind of love you felt for a friend, your best friend. He knew that now because it didn’t compare to the love he felt for the man in front of him. That was real and proper love and it was beautiful. “Erm it’s cos I’m leavin. S’posed to movin away next week. Think he thinks I’m makin a mistake. Probably worried that we may miss our chance if I got settled somewhere else.”

Ben’s face fell slightly at the idea Callum had already made plans and he may have ruined things for him. “And what now then? I really don’t wanna mess things up for you.”

“Well think I might need to rethink my plans. But trust me as long as you’re part of em…they can only get better, never worse.” He grinned and grabbed Ben again kissing him passionately. Ben moaned with pleasure as their lips met. Callum didn’t think he’d ever tire hearing that sound. After several minutes of just kissing passionately they broke away, both needing air. Callum looked at Ben and his heart was full, full of love, hope and excitement. Ben mirrored Callum’s gaze and for the first time in his life, Callum felt like the person he loved most in the world, loved him back in the same way. “I have to go and make a speech for Lee. Think I’d better add an extra thank you in it…But after that I’m done with official duties I think.”

Ben nodded and smiled as Callum rose from their seated position. His eyes trailed Callum’s body from head to toe as he did. “Okay,” he muttered, before rising to join him. “Don’t s’pose you have a room here do you?”

“Actually I do. Why?” Callum resounded playfully.

Ben raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. “Well you look incredibly hot in that suit, but…all I can think about right now is gettin you out of it.” He purred.

Callum just grinned widely. “And here was me thinkin you wanted me for more than just my body.” He said rolling his eyes playfully.

Ben smiled shyly, “So much more,” he whispered and he leant up and placed gentle kiss against Callum’s lips. They then walked hand in hand back towards the hotel to join the others. As they approached they received a few awkward looks but neither cared. Eventually they found the Carters and made their way over to them slowly, each of them looked genuinely full of emotion and pride as they saw how happy Callum was.

Callum went over the Lee and pulled him into an embrace squeezing him tightly, “Thank you,” he whispered to him.

“Be happy mate! You deserve it.” Lee replied. “And you…” he said turning towards to Ben, “Glad you finally saw sense. Take care of him yeah.” Ben just nodded and smiled. “Right can we get this show back on the road? Ready for your speech?”

“As I’ll ever be!” Callum didn’t relish the thought of public speaking, but he definitely owed it to Lee to be there for him today. As they made there way back into the hall Callum gave Ben his room key and told him to wait for him upstairs, order some food and make himself comfortable. Callum still felt a little uneasy about Johnny having witnessed what occurred between him and Ben. He didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for any of the Carters . Especially not today. Ben was relieved, still feeling a little embarrassed from his earlier public declaration, he slipped away happily. Callum took his place next to Lee as Mick gave the first speech, saying how proud he was of Lee and welcoming Whitney into the family. Lee took his turn next, he was quite emotional as he thanked everybody who made the day possible and told everyone how much love he had for Whitney. Linda welled with pride on hearing her son’s words, any doubts she had about the marriage fading instantly.

It then came to Callum’s turn. His whole body quivered with nerves but he was determined to get through it. Taking a deep breath he composed himself before speaking. “Right well I intend to keep this short and sweet…Not really good with words…but I just want to say how lucky I am to be stood here today. Meeting Lee kind of changed my life, he rescued me from being beaten up and ever since then he’s stepped up for me and gave me the only real family I’ve known. The Carters are the most amazin people I know, they’ve always been there and supported me. Don’t get me wrong we all know Lee’s punchin a bit with Whit,” he smirked at Lee as most of Whit’s family cheered in agreement. “But Whit, to become part of their family is an honour and I hope you know how lucky you are.” There was a chorus of aww as Callum paused to hold back his emotion. Tears escaped all of the Carters’ eyes. “Anyway. I just wanted to say thank you to them for allowing me to be part of your family.” Callum turned to Lee to say his final part. “And to Lee…thank you for bein the best mate anyone could ask for. I’ll always be grateful for everythin, you’ve done for me. Especially today. And I can leave knowin you’re in safe hands with Whit. I know she’ll do a great job of keepin you in line. You two are perfect for each other and I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness together. So I’d like you all to raise a glass to the new Mr and Mrs Carter.” Everyone joined in with the toast as Callum raised his glass in the air. After his speech Callum said his goodbyes to the Carters. Grateful to have been part of their family but knowing he was about to make a new one of his own. As it came time to say goodbye to Johnny, he felt a sense of anxiety. “I’m…erm…sorry that…well…” Callum stumbled over his words, unsure of how to express himself properly.

Johnny smiled at him with an honest warmth. “Don’t be.” He interrupted. “You’re face when you saw him…That’s what I’ve always wanted…For you to be that happy. Honestly I’m so pleased for you.” Callum hugged him tightly and they said their final goodbyes.

It was then Lee’s turn. “You still leavin then?” He quizzed Calum with a cheeky grin.

“Well…” Callum raised his shoulders slightly as he squeezed his lips together in a tight smile. “We haven’t ironed it the finer details, but I think I will be. Just maybe not headin where I thought.”

Lee just smiled at him fondly, “Looks like you might get that fairytale endin after all then?”

For the first time in his life Callum felt like that was a possibility. “Maybe,” he muttered, still not prepared affirm his belief out loud in case he jinxed it. “Thank you for stickin your beak in. Lookin our for me as usual. What am I gonna do without you comin to me rescue eh?”

Lee just chuckled, “I dunno, think you’ve proven recently you’re pretty good at takin care of yourself. Anyways, think you might have found someone else to defend your honour now. Besides me and Whit wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for you. Only right I repaid the favour!”

Callum pulled him in for one last hug. “Congratulations mate!”

“You too!” Lee replied and with that they said their last goodbye of the evening. Callum took one last look back at his family and saw them all dancing, laughing and smiling widely. He knew he’d always look back on that moment fondly. It was the perfect way for him to leave them.

Heading up to his bedroom, he grabbed a bottle of champagne. When he reached the door of his room, he knocked gently trembling at the anticipation that Ben was waiting for him. Ben opened the door dressed in just a bath robe and Callum couldn’t help but smile and feel aroused by the sight. He held out the champagne bottle, “Thought we might have a little celebration of our own!” he remarked suggestively.

Ben smiled and moved to the side to let him pass and Callum. “Knew there was a reason I fell for you.” He took the champagne out of Callum’s hand and placed it on the side, before pulling Callum into a tender, lingering kiss. They made their way over to the bed and fell back together gently, kissing leisurely, enjoying the sensation of their lips against each other’s. Eventually the broke for air and stared deeply into each other’s eyes. “God you’re gorgeous!” Ben whispered.

Callum’s heart swelled at his words and ran his fingers through Ben’s hair. “I love you.” He declared softly, unable not to speak what he felt in his heart.

For a moment he worried, how Ben would respond, that he might scare him off again. It didn’t last long when Ben smiled and stroked his face in return. “Yeh. Pretty sure I love you too.”

Callum couldn’t help but laugh, “Wow. We’ve gone from think, to pretty sure in the space of a few hours. Reckon that’s good progress, who knows where we’ll be this time next week.”

“Well…I was plannin on gettin it in sky writin over my house well you were sunbathin in the garden.” Ben quipped sarcastically but then looked at Callum hopefully. “That’s if you wanna come back home with me?”

Callum couldn’t quite believe the invitation, gulping back his emotion as he asked. “You wanna take me to your home?” That was the last barrier of Ben’s he’d managed to break through.

Ben nodded, “I was hopin it could become your home too, if you want it to be? Maybe we can eventually find one of own…together.”

Callum couldn’t stop the beam that spread across face. “Can’t think of anythin I’d like more.” He said placing another kiss to Ben’s lips. Before long they had shed Ben’s robe and Callum’s suit and were reconnecting their bodies together, like they had after their date. Taking their time to worship every inch of each other’s bodies. Each movement and touch conveying their love for each other. They’d always moved in perfect synchronicity but this time it was different. There was no doubt about how the other felt, there was no questioning what it meant. They both knew this was the piece that was missing for both of them. This was what being in love felt like.

After it was over Ben took Callum into his arms and lay his head gently on his chest. Callum could hear every beat of Ben’s heart as Ben whispered softly, “Think you’ve got it goin again.” He placed a kiss on top of Callum’s head and then ran his fingers through his hair. Callum drew patterns over Ben’s chest with his fingers as he kissed his arm softly. They eventually drifted off to sleep, both resting soundly. Callum didn’t dream that night, it was the first time in a long time he hadn’t dreamed of Ben. When he roused he knew why, he didn’t need to he was lying there in Ben’s arms. Ben looking down at him as if he’d hung the moon. Turns out dreams can come true. “Mornin beautiful,” he mumbled as Callum smiled up at him.

“Mornin,” Callum replied as Ben leant down to kiss him. “Not gonna run away this time then?” He asked half in jest, half in uncertainty.

Ben shook his head, “No more runnin. Couldn’t escape you even if I wanted to. I love you too much.”

Callum smiled, hearing a definite confirmation of how Ben felt this time as he pulled his face closer to Ben’s, “Love you too.” Their lips met again and Callum felt more loved than he ever had. Callum didn’t know what the future would bring and there was still a lot for them to work out, but he was certain that they’d work it out together. Whatever risks that needed taking would be worth it to be with Ben. He wasn’t sure if he’d found his happiness, or whether it had found him. But one thing he knew for certain was that meeting Ben had changed his life and he finally had everything he would ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A final thanks for reading. I really hope you enjoyed Callum finding his happy ending. As always feel free to let me know your thoughts. Sending love to you all x


End file.
